BOSS KIDNAPED" WHAT TO DO? (Funny)
By waseem1963 •
"BOSS KIDNAPED" WHAT TO DO?
Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"
They're asking for Rs.10 Crores (2 MILLIOn US $) ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
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"About 1 liter."
By waseem1963
Peace For All ...
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when He found The CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece Of paper In his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and Important Document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing Work?"
"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper Disappeared inside the machine."I just need one copy."
By waseem1963
Peace For All ...
Badtimes
If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous e-mail
virus yet. It will rewrite your hard drive.
Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close
to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness
setting so that all your ice cream melts. It will demagnetize the
strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your VCR
and use the subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to
play. It will give your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend your new phone
number. It will mix anti-freeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee
table when company is coming over. It will put a dead fish in the
back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys when you are
late for work.
"Badtimes" will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give
you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your
gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your
current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and
hotel room to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is
dead, such is the power of "Badtimes." It reaches out beyond the
grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find
it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on
your boss' voicemail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.
"Badtimes" will give you Dutch elm disease. It will leave the
toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your
bath tub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes
out to chase High School kids with your snowblower.
These are just a few of the things this virus can do. Be
warned......."Badtimes" is Bad!
By waseem1963
Peace For All ...
There is a dangerous virus going around. It is called WORK.
If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, or anyone
else, via E-mail or any other means, DO NOT TOUCH IT!
This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should
come into contact with WORK, put on your jacket, take two good
friends and go straight to the nearest pub.
Order the antidote known as BEER. Take the antidote repeatedly
until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you
realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are
already infected and that WORK already controls your life.
REMEMBER, THIS VIRUS IS DEADLY!
By waseem1963
Peace For All ...
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less
By waseem1963
Peace For All ...
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:
"The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".
"Why, does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man.
The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question
"What can it do?"
To which the owner replies "To be honest, I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!".
By waseem1963
Peace For All ...
A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon
his return home, his parents asked him what happened.
“You know what a crew boss is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and
watches everyone else work.”
“What’s that got to do with it?” they asked.
“Well, he just got jealous of me,” the young biologist explained. “Everyone
thought I was the crew boss.”
By waseem1963
Peace For All ...
ME and MY BOSS
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's over worked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets.
By waseem1963
I didn't drink the kool-aid! -- PM