An Aussie, Kiwi and a Yarpie....
An oldie but goodie:
Could apply to Rydges afore it closed...
AN AUSSIE, KIWI & A YARPIE
An Australian, a Kiwi and a Yarpie are in a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
"In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice," he says.
The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
"Wull mate, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out the same glass either," he says.
The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South Arican and Kiwi.
He turns to the astonished barman and says, "In Australia we have so
many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with
the same ones twice."
one holiday, in the Mediterranean Super Cruise heading to Athens...there were various nationalities aboard, americans, spanish, qatari, filipino, chinese, japanese and so on....
150 miles off the shore, the heavy waves shake the cruise and tends to drown... not noticing, the Captain overlook the data that they were heavily overloaded...
with an immediate remedy, the captain told all the crews and passengers alike to threew to the sea whatever heavy belongings they have just to save the ship from the brink of sinking...
after all the ship recover a little from a dizzy shakes... while at last the captain has to announce that eventhough the ship had been emptied, within an hour, the ship will sink again if no once shall have to sacrifice themselves to throw themselves to the sea just to finally save the ship with all the rest of the passsengers from the brink of sinking... the captain with its crew.. calculated that at least 3 people to jump off shall save the whole ship.
a man of bravery, volunteer himself to threw himself to the sea for the goodwill of his homeland...
the american first step forward among the crowd... position himself at the tip of the cruise... and with a proud heart.... loudly shouts.... LONG LIVE AMERICA!!!! few seconds later, and jump off himself...
the people aboard claps expecting they may be save after all...
two more!! the captain yelled again at his megaphone...
the spanish with his bonded wide handkerchief tied around his forehead come forward... ran at the cruise tip and bravely shouts...."IN EL NOME DELLA ESPANIOLAS, VIVA ESPANIA!!!! and jump off the ship...
after that, there was a sudden lift felt on the floating ship.. the passengers calmly claps with contentment...
one last man more!! for the honor of your country... this cruise will award an enormous amount only to save this ship and all people aboard in it....
with bravity, the teenage young filipino move forward... the captain ask... will you sacrifice for your country? yes sir? the young filipini replied... "OK, the captain gesture giving him way...
at the moment, the young boy is doubtful... the hands trembles holding at the rope behind the cruise tip... the crowd shut and were winkless... the boy get down the deck floor and move a meter away... and then prayed... rising and falling... rising and falling.. and again ready himself for the sake of thousand passengers...
finally before throwing himself to the sea, hold his breathe and loudly yelled.... MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!!!!!!! and he pushed the chinese bending beside the rail..
the ship was save.........
>
ah no need for guns.
i find that just mentioning anything to do with sport will make them go away.
But it's Japie.
*** Light travels faster than sound. That's why most people appear bright until they open their mouths.