arrange ya love

Chetana
By Chetana

hi good afternoon.
what do u think about love marriage and arrange marriage?
in love marriage people are more happy ya in arrange marriage?
or without marriage living alone is good.

be alone to be happy
be happy to be alone.

By cracydutch• 15 Nov 2012 10:57
cracydutch

if you just sit and wait,.nothing happens,. be pro active in your search,..go out there meet people,.she will be there

By adnan_khan2009• 15 Nov 2012 08:47
adnan_khan2009

sorry sorry

By Victory_278692• 12 Nov 2012 10:18
Victory_278692

wrong place to search :)

By Faraz Ashraf• 11 Nov 2012 23:00
Faraz Ashraf

searching for my soul mate as no love yet and not arranged yet,,,pray that this mystery resoles and i meet someone made for me by God...waiting for u my sweet heart.. where r u...??????

By fenny090297• 11 Nov 2012 22:43
fenny090297

I owe it from my mentors when I was still in the University.. they taught me everything about life and I feel so grateful because of this I was able to conquer all the obstacles.

Peace my friend!

Every individual is unique... I respect your point of view.

Godspeed!

By Victory_278692• 11 Nov 2012 15:31
Victory_278692

I agree with you but remember one thing parents (depends on their level of education and awareness) concerns would always remains of children safety & security,

Its children's duty to make them understand, show and convince them that you are strong and smart enough to face the challenges of life and would remain responsible for your own decisions either right or wrong.

By fenny090297• 11 Nov 2012 13:22
Rating: 5/5
fenny090297

As far as their age and experience are concerned, parents are superior to their children, but their views are not always acceptable. It is for the generation gap their always remains a breach between parents and their younger generations. Sometimes they think on their own way. They are only human prone to make mistakes. Only God is perfect. Parents should give their children the chance to access to experience and knowledge, but they must also realize that their children aren't them, they aren't going to live the same way, nor will the want to be told everything,children need to learn for themselves, even if it may hurt them, physically or emotionally

Parents are only trying to do their best for us and look out for us, but at the end of the day it's our life.

We have our own option otherwise u'll never get anywhere in life.

Most parents do not interfere with their son/daughter decisions in life, once they perceive that their children are intelligent and good decision-maker they will refrain from meddling their children lives.

I Pity those who are born weak and not being able to decide for themselves.

By rfmmd• 11 Nov 2012 11:50
Rating: 4/5
rfmmd

its love marriage cos, my marriage is arranged one.

By Victory_278692• 11 Nov 2012 11:26
Victory_278692

back to square....when you appreciate your parents concerns :D

By fenny090297• 9 Nov 2012 14:27
fenny090297

no one has the right to force you to marry someone that you don't want, tell them time has changed now, and you are in a generation in which you can and have to make your own decision as to who you will marry and spend the rest of your life with, but you truly appreciate their concern.

By NimbuPani• 9 Nov 2012 12:29
NimbuPani

Ingesu are you tell that to me ?

By Ingesu• 9 Nov 2012 11:29
Ingesu

If your parents and her parents think you are meant for eachother, there must be a good reason!

Be happy :D

By Victory_278692• 8 Nov 2012 13:28
Victory_278692

Satya vachan, where in options or in conscience?

By NimbuPani• 8 Nov 2012 12:41
NimbuPani

Tats true Victory............ :-)

By Victory_278692• 8 Nov 2012 08:31
Victory_278692

Explore all the options...

1. Arranged

2. Love

3. Happy

4. Alone to be happy

;D

Nimbu is searching "conscience".

By yallahabibi10• 8 Nov 2012 06:48
yallahabibi10

its up to you if you want a marriage arrangement,, you made your own decision.. much better ifyour parents are agree with you.. that is your life,. you have your own decision

By NimbuPani• 7 Nov 2012 22:48
NimbuPani

Chetna is missing again..... do you need some nimbu Pani then come back to this post.

By nomerci• 7 Nov 2012 22:31
nomerci

spock, no need. As most posters on QL are of above mentioned nationalities...hence it is posted on "common" ground.

By nomerci• 7 Nov 2012 22:30
nomerci

Ingesu, unfortunately that is wishful thinking in many cases.

By Ingesu• 7 Nov 2012 11:55
Ingesu

Even when I did not have the experience, I would agree that arranged marriages are not bad at all. In fact, the persons that love you most in the world match you certainly with someone they consider worthy for you.

By Victory_278692• 7 Nov 2012 11:43
Victory_278692

I personally believe love marriages are better, in the sense you know your partner's attitude, behaviour, preferences prior commitments.

By Victory_278692• 7 Nov 2012 09:19
Rating: 4/5
Victory_278692

Right Spock and Tahsin, the common human feelings called Love and Relationships but different approach and perceptions in Eastern and Western society.

Global differences in cultures and traditions. We could also treat this as selfish and selfless love. Living for self, independent and practical. Concept of joint and neutral families, etc, etc.

By cracydutch• 7 Nov 2012 08:28
cracydutch

i did get that fact ;)

just wondering what the general way of thinking is on that side of the world,.interesting till so far to read the reply's

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 18:26
anonymous

Then why is it not in the 'Indian-Pakistani Group'??

By nomerci• 6 Nov 2012 16:53
nomerci

cracydutch,what you are reading here is the way it is done in India and Pakistan. It is their culture.

We live totally different.

By MA5309• 6 Nov 2012 14:23
Rating: 5/5
MA5309

Be it love or arrange marriage the most important thing to make a marriage successful is trust, commitment and adjustments. And of course the wavelength should match

By Victory_278692• 6 Nov 2012 13:56
Rating: 4/5
Victory_278692

The essence of institution of marriage lies in balancing and managing the relationships between both families, which are based on Love, faith and trust.

Love or arranged marriages does not matter as far as mutual understanding, commitment and respect remains in any relationship.

Education is must for ALL, boy or girls, rest leave it on destiny. Be practical, positive and love your life.

By cracydutch• 6 Nov 2012 11:34
cracydutch

i do agree,.it's the responsibility from a girl parents (and of course also boys ) that there educated well so the can stand later in live on there own feet as financialy independend persons (and if needed help others either their parents or there own childs)

By Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte• 6 Nov 2012 11:33
Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte

fevi stik ! can join quickly anything broken

By Chetana• 6 Nov 2012 11:24
Chetana

assumption ? may be

By cracydutch• 6 Nov 2012 11:18
Rating: 4/5
cracydutch

you do live in " a other world" then me ;)

my parents and the parents from my wife,. have both a pension plan (the are retired),..witch makes them financial independent,.the both own bigger houses then we do,...so wy i wil be hold responsible to take care of the parents of my wife,.. I married HER not her family,. she is univerisity educatated could take care of her self (financily) if needed,...but she takes care of our 3 kids so no need for her to work outside the house but SHE WILL when do youngest one "can stand on her own feet"

you in a marriage TOGETHER you should support the other half in both ways the best you can,.. either by taking care of the household or by payed labour outside if both work outside the house it normal that house cores are done by both to share the load of work,.so there is more quality time left to spend with you loved ones

By smoke• 6 Nov 2012 11:12
Rating: 5/5
smoke

Both in arranged or love marriage the wife has to go to the husbands house after marriage. The wife being educated or not has nothing to do with marriage.

By Chetana• 6 Nov 2012 11:02
Chetana

but this logic no one is ready to accept they are only caring for their parents.

it hurts a lot.

so what u know

we have to change the logic. first the parents have to make her fully educated so that in future if there is problem fron her husband she can earn and live indepenently without any ones help.

the fate is not same for all.espically for me.

By Chetana• 6 Nov 2012 10:56
Chetana

you are superb yaar. ba alone to be happy enjoy ur life like a free bird.

By Chetana• 6 Nov 2012 10:55
Chetana

by reading one of ur comment that is

a wife can leave but a mother cannot,,

think how disturbed may be that wife to leave her husband.

if she is not educated how to face the needs of her kids?

you know one thing she cant go back to her parents also.

without any strong reason not a single women will dare to take this decision to leave her husband.

By smoke• 6 Nov 2012 10:54
smoke

Why does this matter now...you got married stay happy :P

By Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte• 6 Nov 2012 10:53
Rating: 4/5
Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte

divorce happens in both cases - arrange and love , both r useless single life is best !

By Chetana• 6 Nov 2012 10:50
Chetana

good morning.

i agree with your all arguements with others and i respect ur feelings and concern for your parents. one thing i want to tell u that when we marry our man we also left our parents bcoz in a hope that all my responsibalities happiness everything will be take care by my husband.

y this happens for the woman not for the man.?

he is very lucky till the end he can live with their parents. y not a girl?

By britexpat• 6 Nov 2012 10:08
Rating: 2/5
britexpat

By the way, Spock and Uhura are in love and may get married during their next shore leave on Galambatus IV..

By fadi009• 6 Nov 2012 10:04
Rating: 4/5
fadi009

you must try both ways but i think the best is to be with the person you love the person tha you give your life for her

By britexpat• 6 Nov 2012 10:00
Rating: 3/5
britexpat

You Star Trek Starved pan Galactic karak Chai Drinker..

If you see the Star Trek eries, Spock is always looking into monitor with a cowling. So obviously, the gamma rays from the screen have added a tan to his complexion..

understand ?

By Rizks• 6 Nov 2012 09:55
Rizks

Wondering, why Spock's hand is white and face dark ?

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 09:53
anonymous

Right, brit.

By britexpat• 6 Nov 2012 09:42
britexpat

You did not want the family to "klingon" to you..

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 09:38
anonymous

tahsinmin, when I married (twice already), I married a woman NOT a family! The woman and I became MY family!

By Straight Arrow• 6 Nov 2012 09:35
Straight Arrow

First

"Arranged marriages — or lessons imparted by them — could also help lower the American divorce rate, according to research recently highlighted by the Unification Church."

Second

"Love" marriages often start steamy but quickly cool off, leading to fraught families and unhappy hearts, said Epstein, the former editor-in-chief of Psychology Today. He believes that American couples can learn from Unificationist conjugal practices."

sources:

Does love last longer in arranged marriages?

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/religion/story/2012-05-23/does-arranged-marriage-last-longer/55174520/1

By Straight Arrow• 6 Nov 2012 09:30
Straight Arrow

thanks

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 09:28
Rating: 2/5
anonymous

tahsinmin, you can ask two people in the street to be witnesses.

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 09:28
anonymous

And Kuwait with approximately 3.5 million people is representative for the world? SA, you are kidding, as usual!

By Straight Arrow• 6 Nov 2012 09:25
Straight Arrow

first opinion Love comes after marriage

second opinion want to live a romantic story before marriage.

A study done in Kwait showed that successful marriages are those which are done in the tradition way and the most un successful marriages are those which took place after a romantic story.

By britexpat• 6 Nov 2012 09:23
britexpat

Usually, prior to the church wedding, an authorized person will conduct a brief civil ceremony to make it legal in the eyes of the law and ofcourse the tax man ..

By Rizks• 6 Nov 2012 09:20
Rizks

Friends or relatives !

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 09:16
anonymous

tahsinmin, nope. No need for a "church father" or "qazi". That's only for those who are involved in religion. But marriage itself is just a legal act. If you married in church in Europe without the legal procedure it would not count!

By GodFather.• 6 Nov 2012 09:16
Rating: 2/5
GodFather.

tahisinmin, you can get married in the courts too!

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 09:13
anonymous

Keep on trying, brit. I'm fine, BG.

By britexpat• 6 Nov 2012 09:11
britexpat

Kim Kardashian got married for love and it didn't last :O(

Lady Diana got married for "economic interests' and it didn't last ;o(

Neither is perfect, but at least we try ..

By Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte• 6 Nov 2012 09:11
Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte

GM LP how r u doing

By GodFather.• 6 Nov 2012 09:10
GodFather.

Another valid point Spock,

Arrange marriage or love marriage both would definitely look at the prospect of the future partners financial standing, most of the time the male partners?

But again to have a happy marriage some love and understanding are key ingredients?

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 09:06
anonymous

UkEng, you are a hopeless romantic. How many marriages are sealed based on economic interests? I would guess all over the world about 60 or 70 percent, maybe even more. The few Hollywood-style marriages are only inventions to keep people longing for something they will never have. And since that makes them unhappy they will watch the movies.

By GodFather.• 6 Nov 2012 09:03
Rating: 2/5
GodFather.

Valid point Captain Spock. But the main deliverable of the scope of Marriage is to LOVE each other. If one can not love one in a marriage then the Marriage is not serving it purpose, hence it is invalid?

By britexpat• 6 Nov 2012 09:02
britexpat

You old romantic you ...

I'm falling in love again

Ain't nothing I can do

Falling in love again

Agaain and again it's with you

When I fall

It's always the same

And I'm so tired

Of playing this game

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 09:00
anonymous

.. and it is not necessary to enter things like 'religion' into a so far quite amusing discussion!

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 08:59
Rating: 4/5
anonymous

UkEng, love and marriage have nothing to do with each other: one is an emotion, the other is a legal act. Each can exist on its own!

By GodFather.• 6 Nov 2012 08:58
GodFather.

Spock unless your a devoted Catholic! then the Contract is impossible to cancel?

By GodFather.• 6 Nov 2012 08:57
Rating: 3/5
GodFather.

I love falling in love with the same person again and again!

There are ups and downs in Love, marriage is an institution for the bonding of love.

By Blosted• 6 Nov 2012 08:41
Blosted

@Spock exactly, marriage is merely a legal contract, you do not need a contract to feel affection to your mate.

By anonymous• 6 Nov 2012 08:37
Rating: 3/5
anonymous

Marriage is a legal act between two mature people. It's a contract and as a contract it can be terminated for several reasons. It doesn't matter how you marry. You always have the possibility to cancel the agreement.

By Nehemias• 6 Nov 2012 08:28
Rating: 5/5
Nehemias

Marriage is a lifetime committment, a devine provision from God and an obligation by us to comply with before God, between 2 couples. If God truly the foundation of your marriage, nothing to worry about... I assure you of success, otherwise, you have to take the risk of being life is unfair if you go ahead with your ownself.

By cracydutch• 6 Nov 2012 08:26
cracydutch

well said,.could not have the writen down better, i do totally agree

By IlikeQL• 5 Nov 2012 19:49
IlikeQL

Good explanation by our learned Faathima Di

However

Either you can be happy or married.

By Sir. Fin. Waves• 5 Nov 2012 17:58
Rating: 3/5
Sir. Fin. Waves

Love marriage or arranged, either way it is up to the couple if it will work or not. Commitment, sacrifaces, respect.

Atleast I believe it should be up to the two people who will be living together. I broke tradition cause I don't feel it is right for 2 people to be forced to be with someone they didnt chose or have time to get to know first. I keep the religion seperate. We love each other, and work to build the marriage for a lifetime, just like if we were in a arranged marriage.

As for my parents, I respect them, and take care of them when they need me for the rest of their life.

Salam

By FathimaH• 5 Nov 2012 17:48
Rating: 4/5
FathimaH

A child is obligated to take care and provide for their parents when they are old and unable to look after themselves, just as the parents are obligated to care and provide for their children when they are young and under their watch. Making our parents happy as much as possible(provided what they expect from us is not something unjust and wrong) and/or not causing them pain and grief is our duty.

However not always will this be easy. Take for example my own parents. They are divorced(by the way they had a love marriage), and hence not living under the same roof themselves. And whilst my mom has plenty of relatives around her, she does need financial help since she stopped working. Dad on the other hand has plenty of money of his own, but lacks company and often feels lonely. They both therefor have very diverse needs, and since I am not in SL and have no plans of ever going back, whilst I can give my mom what she needs, I'm unable to be there for my dad!

It is a tough situ yes...but thankfully my dad wants also to see me happy as does my mom, so he will not like that I feel forced to come back just for him.

Back to the OP...if there is one thing I have learned from my own marriage, and the marriages of those around me is that the future of any marriage can never be predicted, regardless of whether it was arranged or love. What matters is love,mutual understanding, compatibility and trust between the spouses, which can either grow stronger with time or weaken from the word go!

By mariammazher• 5 Nov 2012 17:30
Rating: 4/5
mariammazher

be it love or arranged marriage the base for everything is trust and few adjustments leads to long way for a successful marriage

By nomerci• 5 Nov 2012 17:00
Rating: 4/5
nomerci

Another thing is, that children in my culture do not feel "beholden" to their parents. The general view is that parents are supposed to take care of their children. And helping each other or spending time with each other is not a "duty", it is something one does because one wants to.

Generally children are brought up to be independent, to make their own decisions.

If they WANT help, it will be given. Still, it is up to the children, especially when they are adults, to take it or not. Nobody is forced or coerced.

By nomerci• 5 Nov 2012 16:50
nomerci

The parent issue is a cultural thing I think. I do not know any parents where I come from who would prefer to live with their married children. And this hardly ever happens. IF it does, then they have arrangements where they do not interfere with each others lives. Most parents , where I come from, are able to take care of themselves financially and do not require the help of their children.

Of course, there are also cases where parents are in need and are neglected, unfortunately.

By cracydutch• 5 Nov 2012 16:45
Rating: 4/5
cracydutch

i'm not talking religion,... but mariage there 2 different things,. yes the can be interconected but there seperate issues..

i do take care of my parents and my inlaws as well,.my parents live 10 min from my house in a bigger house then i can offer them ;)

By nomerci• 5 Nov 2012 16:41
nomerci

Osamawab, love does not necessarily have to go or fade. It depends on both partners to make it last...or even grow!

By Strom• 5 Nov 2012 16:36
Strom

in arrange marraige u have plenty of persons to blame on.....in love u r sole responsible ;-) .... for me arranged works really well ...n now i m in love

By cracydutch• 5 Nov 2012 16:36
cracydutch

well i sleep in the same bed with my wife, i dont sleep in the same bed with my parents nor i live in the same house..

better spent the time with the one i love and choise for then spent my live with someone i dont love and need to live with

well what ever rocks your boat,.

still happy after 10 years being married to my thru love

By Mr M.• 5 Nov 2012 16:33
Rating: 5/5
Mr M.

Different people will have different views,opinions and perspectives on this particular issue.Religious restrictions also have an important role.For example,in Islam a muslim man cannot marry a non-muslim woman and vice-versa even if they love each other.

Love marraiges work for some and not for many others.

By Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte• 5 Nov 2012 16:23
Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte

watever u choose u pay till the end

By Brave_heart_2010• 5 Nov 2012 16:22
Rating: 4/5
Brave_heart_2010

I agree, both can fail,. but I belive the chances of arrange marriage to fail is more. love marriage has better chance to recognize each others and be aware of each side behaviors and thoughts,.. right ?

By osamabawab• 5 Nov 2012 16:14
Rating: 5/5
osamabawab

love is blind => love marriage is blind marriage so whenever love goes (it will reduce by time definitely) the real picture in each partner eyes will appear clearly.

arranged marriage is generally more planned and well studied step and engagement period should be sufficient to understand each partner mind.

By britexpat• 5 Nov 2012 16:09
britexpat

Good for you. Hope you appreciate what you have and will have a long and happy life together..

By FathimaH• 5 Nov 2012 16:06
FathimaH

Happy it all worked out for you,Masha Allah Barakhallah feekum. And yeah somehow when we get married, having parents' support and happiness is certainly a great blessing!

By britexpat• 5 Nov 2012 15:53
britexpat

Been discussed many times. there is no right or wrong. Both work and both can fail.

By ENvY mE• 5 Nov 2012 15:50
Rating: 5/5
ENvY mE

love or arranged marraige wat ever it is …

it is based on d kind of person v r gifted and d love v show for them wil fix our life :p

By FathimaH• 5 Nov 2012 15:41
Rating: 5/5
FathimaH

from person to person, marriage to marriage etc. Religious beliefs and cultural practices may also influence one's decision. Personally I've seen arranged marriages hit the rocks and/or face ups and downs as much as love marriages do, so I believe ultimately it will all come down to whether or not the couple love each other after marriage, and how committed they are to making their relationship work.

By Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte• 5 Nov 2012 15:39
Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte

well done qashif kashoo

By anonymous• 5 Nov 2012 15:37
anonymous

LOVE marriage with many girls is better then all :D

BG i got 1,0,0 :D

Hurry :D

By Captain_Lost• 5 Nov 2012 15:36
Captain_Lost

First Arrange her, and the Love her

By nomerci• 5 Nov 2012 15:30
nomerci

Either is good if the 2 getting married are happy to do so.

By cracydutch• 5 Nov 2012 15:30
Rating: 2/5
cracydutch

wy parents need to agree?,..its YOUR live not theres,

would be nice if the like the person (male or female) you want to share YOUR live with,. thats YOUR choice and not theirs (in my opinon but then im dutch ;) )

By anonymous• 5 Nov 2012 15:26
anonymous

be with the one you love

By fea_sad• 5 Nov 2012 15:23
fea_sad

wat matter is love .. whether before or after marriage

By Chetana• 5 Nov 2012 15:23
Chetana

if parents are not agreed then?

By Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte• 5 Nov 2012 15:19
Baburao-Ganpatrao-Apte

and falling in love with an unknown person is love marriage ?

By landloverreview• 5 Nov 2012 15:17
landloverreview

Love marriage with proper arrangements I mean possibly

it should not hurt the feelings of ur parents and

family members.

By FlyingAce• 5 Nov 2012 15:17
FlyingAce

I don't believe in Arrange Marriages, it doesn't make sense I would be the Person, Spending my Whole Life with a Unknown Person,that was chosen by my Family..

A Big NO NO NO!

By Ingesu• 5 Nov 2012 15:13
Rating: 5/5
Ingesu

As a someone that believe in love and WAS married I tell you there is just one way to bless love in a couple and it´s through marriage.

Unfortunately sometimes other people come in between and destroy a good family for ambition, not for love. But someone that is a real man would never ever stop loving his wife.

From the cynical point of view, for people that do not know to be faithful and make compromises, it might be better to be single, for sure.

By Victory_278692• 5 Nov 2012 15:05
Rating: 5/5
Victory_278692

You are the best judge to shape up your LIFE, make it or ruin it.

Whatever condition you prefer to live is the BEST option in todays scenario.

IMHO.....good, happy, alone, marriage, no marriage...its all different phases of life, so why not to Explore personally.

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