Animals FB update

If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates :

COCKROACH: "Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!"

Cat: "My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??, I don’t even remember" ...
Mosquito: "I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking"

Pig: "Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu…WTF!! "

Goat : "Friends, don’t go out, Eid is coming soon"

Chicken: "If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC.