What about living together before marriage?
When buying a suit or dresses we need first to try it on otherwise, if your going to purchase it and found out later that it did not fit, you may have wasted your money and time.
Many people applied the same logic to marriage. They feel that it is better for a man and woman to live together before making a commitment to become husband and wife. Afterall, if things do not work out, they reason that a man or a woman can walk away without having to deal with the complex and costly process of divorce.
Some who feel that way maybe have experience a traumatic effect of a loveless marriage. As a result, they view living together as a wise precaution.
What can you say then…?
When you get married or when you decide to take the decision to live together, both are committments to the other partner... everything is exactly the same, except there isn't a marriage certificate...
Other than a piece of paper and being married before a Justice of the Peace or a Minister/Imam/Rabbi or whatever your preferred 'holy' man is, its exactly the same...
I have lived with a man and I divorced a man - two different people, and both time, the decision to end the relationships were hard... if anything, the divorce was worse in the sense that because I was his wife, I got screwed over financially... if I had just lived with him, I wouldn't have had to take the responsibility...
for some extent..n the separation is more easier coz there is no bonding like marriage, kids n all..but marriages are good coz we have to live in a social framework.
Other religions allow divorce, so obviously you are speaking of a specific religion if you're against divorce.
Pilgram, i'm talking here the principles i'm standing on. It's my belief and for your belief, your free to cite it on, it's an open forum.
specific religion. Well, I'm not!
Well I know loads of Filipino's, you can't turn your head in this country without seeing a Filipino, and I grew up in the Catholic church, so you don't need preach your convictions to me, I know them all too well. They're the reason my Grandmother stayed in an abusive relationship for 40 years before the old bastard dropped dead from a heart attack.
how many people are you talking?
And how many Filipinos have you met? Are you generalizing us? Do you know our convictions?
Pilgram God is always "Him" in all religions, helps to oppress the women ;)
My case isn't rare or isolated, virtually everyone I know has lived together before marriage and I only know of 3 couples divorcing.
Whereas, the number of Filipino's I've met stuck in loveless horrible marriages that they can't get out of...well...I think Qatar is full of them.
and isolated, but let's wait for the end part! Just be realistic! Hoping for the good ending! If you use your case as your basis, I'm using mine!
Can we discuss also the advantages & disadvantages of living together...i can relate in this issue...LOL
LOL. How can it be a commitment to HIM (love the use of the masculine to describe God, shows the mindset of the poster) HE doesn't have to smell your spouses bed farts or put up with their crap. Religion doesn't help any marriage, Just makes you hate your spouse more.
Funny responses.
marriage is not a commitment to someone but to HIM. If both partners committed themselves to HIM, the marriage will last definitely. But if the commitment is only human, then the trials of relationship will start to ruin it slowly and time will comes that commitment and loyalty will vanish in the air!
If the union is based on His will, then nothing will tear it apart because nothing personal can rule over!
No to live-in arrangement!
But marriage is exactly like hot rice in most parts of the world now (unless you're Catholic).
We have this saying that..."Marriage is not something like hot rice that you can spit out if your mouth gets burnt".
If one is going to get married they need to realize it is a life commitment.
as stated above comment, it's a case to case basis. some marriage becomes successful some are not. for a successful marriage, for me, commitment and loyalty is important. Living together before marriage is a personal option of the couple.
Gtim...The only guarantee of a lasting marriage or relationship is the commitment and willingness to make it work. Whether you live together or not, prior to marriage, does not determine this.
I don't think marriage means there is no "easy" escape plan. Hence the high divorce rates. I think people today either are mature enough to handle relationships and there ups and downs or they aren't. Their marital status has nothing to do with it.
If one is married, the motivation to stick it out through the difficult times would be greater, rather than have an easy escape plan. Relationships take a lot of adjustments and compromising. Many a time, we need something external to ourselves to put things into perspective.
this will be a case to case basis.
No one could ever say what will happen next.
i only know trial mixes for concrete (lol) but never i want to do "trial living together". :p
My parents lived together before marriage, my husbands parents lived together before marriage, my husband and I lived together before marriage, my cousin and his wife lived together before marriage, no divorces yet. I think it's perfectly natural and an important step.
marriage is a holy thing, then "live-in" relationship is really a no-no.
The real problem is understanding what marriage is. The responsibilities of both and the do's and dont's that need to be observed and respected both ways!
avvid, that's a very clear and simple explanation. :)
but i think living together before marriage is not a guarantee for a successfull marriage, it's actually the contrary of what the couple expects. Indeed, married couples who previously lived together have been found to experience a higher levels of marital problems that lead to separation/divorce.
No, i don't believe in living together before marriage..
But at the same time i don't oppose the fact when a girl or a boy meet so often before marriage to understand each other..There is no harm in it..But staying together is a big NO, atleast in our culture..
Like u said that its difficult to chose which dress is suiting or to make decision for other things, i think mom n dad or siblings are there before marriage to guide u..right???
First you start of as 2 persons with your own space. Then you become 2 persons with shared space (living together).
Finally you become 1, with no space between you. (marriage)
living 2gether b4 marriage for trial.... ?????? no i cant agree wit tht... marriage its an heavenly bond.... for some it exists gud... but for some it may breaks... it depends......
Hm... Shyam is not as bad I thought... :-) Hope this is his real self speaking out...
good!
I wonder if girls would also take advantage of this as mohali explained..... *Sighzzz*
Mohali - You just hit your head on the nail. Very true.
if it was allowed , so i will take every night one girl and i will say i want to test it
dont think about yourself only
it was just example
this will take away the purity of marriage......
some people get married 2 have a family life...
some people get married 2 have sex with only 1 partner...
some people get married bcoz of true love...
some people get married by chance.
but some people wanted 2 have life like marriage without getting married...
different people, different attitude, different views...
WE cannot question them of comment on them...
according 2 me, marriage occur once in life.
WE cannot make trial and error, WE will never get a wife in our dream, and never get a hus in ur dream.
once WE get married, both have 2 adjust them self. then only marriage will last.
2 have a happy married life, both must love each other, must understand each other, and trust each other....
anything other than this will result in divorce.
Dear Grand Pa, i'm cute, handsome & Good looking, wat else u need :P
May Allah bless every QLer with a Grandpa like Fried, Aameen.
saad - I'am her Grandpa and I have been observing you. I have a gun too.
visper, speak pls i am waiting for your answer, then only i will answer it... ;)
Ouch..... That hurts.
i don't like 40 plus, u can have that nomercy ;)
Yes Dot.com
You got it right.
Lets meet up for coffee and forget all this nonsense.Call Colt,Rizks and Khattak. I'll throw in some nomerci....
wats the point living together before marriage?
will , this can make sure, that living together before marriage will tight the knot and will never break???
Dot.com - How about changing your society? This needs to become imaginable. It will save lot of lives from suffocation.
depends on societies, customs and Traditions.
In a society, from where i came, even one can't imagine.
Thats a good practice. Should be encouraged,
I am not talking.. Zip lock my mouth..
Are you living with someone ?? Is that why ? :O)
Living together is a cheaper option ;)
I'm out of this..
I am not yet ready to discuss this sensitive topic.. :D
its quite a common practice (although not here) most of which ends up with a 'Room for Rent' advertisement.
Marriage ... no idea about it but... i guess it must be quite an adventure... living together before it might just make it an easy one.
the best answer in my opinion
marriage as a way of coming together and learning, compromising, adjusting together..
societies which openly allow living before marriage has one of the highest divorce rates in the world
define "trying it "
It should also come with money back guarantee :)
extreme suffocation in one society and extreme independence in a coexisting society...both are the factors...thats y i said "ONE OF"
but my reason still stands true
Lemontree like Qatar?!??!? It has one of the highest divorce rates in the world...
Hummm.....................Your logic is correct.....but trying a dress (cloth) & trying a human being are totally diffrent. Many People fails recognise a human being after spending many years too with him/her.
If you recognise then its ok........but its triky.
Best of luck
you should try everything before marriage, even if it's with different partners.
iiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmm
somebody is serious about his/her partner
must be very very pure
To each his own..
Some , as you say, want to live together to test the waters.
Others just live together without the need to get married.
Some however, see marriage as a way of coming together and learning, compromising, adjusting together..