How Long To Settle In and Live?
Hey Everyone,
I have been here over four months and over these last four months I have never felt so much excitement, followed by sadness, followed by anger and frustration followed by great stress.
I am a mother of six beautiful children. I didnt know moving to a Middle East country with this big of a family would be so difficult especially when Arabs are famous for their large families.
I mentioned before we are in a 3 bedroom apartment, a family of eight. And I know so many bachelors or students or married couples without children with luxury villas from our same company. But since we are too big for the three bedroom villas we get lost in the shuffle. Its been a heartache.
Now I am dealing with the stay-at-home-mom blues.
I have a very demanding family in that I have two boys close together who fight and two daughters close together who need all my attention. ( ages 2 and 12 months )The baby is walking now and its a very dangerous apt. I can't find baby gates, and I can't even cook a single thing. I have to watch her every move while she cries most of the day. My tow year old is into EVERYTHING and we still are in limbo waiting to LIVE.
My three boys are on top of eachother in this apt and fight non-stop. There is nothing for them to do and they dont listen and are bored. I am about to have a major nervous breakdown and my husband is suffering with my mood swings and sadness. Im tired of being sad even though I have visited many ladies my age with beautiful company housing and maids and peaceful lives, then I come home to see our house upside down at every turn. I clean all day long, I feel like Im living in a trash bin.
I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE and get over this sadness since they allocated a villa for us but its not near the quality of their company housing, basically it is ok but also awfully built and depressing. So it is humiliating to have 6 kids and at a time in my life when I am a mature woman to see every aquantaince living in luxury comfort. We also have a cat who bites the children all day long and now we dont know what to do with her as we rescued her from the sand. She is a terrible wild biting cat. The entire house is full of stress. I am no longer a good mother and my marriage is at stake over this major move to Qatar from America.
Am I over reacting, drama queen, NO we are talking a major dissapointment here and I need a break. My husband isnt used to getting maids but I will have to push for a part time cleaner to come.
How long did it take westerners to LIVE?
I want to live and slowly I will.
Sorry for the rant hope I didnt scare anyone away. Just really needed to get that out. Im quite aware of the laborers plight here and I do know people have it far worse than I. Its just that I feel literally bolted to the ground with these last two children and I do not have a second car. The stress is at times unbearable. Im usually up most of the night doing laundry and preparing the kids uniforms since I cannot do that in the day. Why can't I Live?
"HAPPINESS is not at the end of the road of life, it is little little things along the way".
------this is how i deal with my blues.
Regards.
you need to think about what you need to do and what to undo. for example you need an assistant to do some domestic duties such as claning& ironing....
you need to have a time for yourself.just have take your baby and go out with your husband at least one a week,not for shopping because shopping also stressful visit friend, take a dinner outside...ect.
sleep early but be careful you need to have your children sleep before, so that you can have deep sleep and get up early in the morning,dont forget arranging out time is the key for most of our life misordering
this is some of the things to do
what you need to undo is gettting rid of your cat
You've received fantastic advice from everyone so far. Good on you for posting a request for help :o)
Your situation is different in that you have a lot of kids. . .but. . .in my first two int'l postings I was obsessed with "getting settled in" before going out to do things with other people. For me this was a HUGE mistake - I ended up very much in the dumps and wondering if I would ever adjust to life in those countries.
This time I started meeting people immediately and, almost five months on, still feel great about the move. Your situation, again, is different but I would still courage you to just take a day off and go meet some people. Bring your children, go to the park http://www.dohaexpatmumsandkids.com/AlwaysOn.html, grab a coffee http://www.dohaexpatmumsandkids.com/NewArrivalsCoffee.html, something.
I might throw together a playgroup on Thursday morning in the Sheraton park - contact me if you'd like details!
Oh - and definitely get a maid. It is a life-altering experience. Both QL and "my" group can help you with that as well.
Hang in there. . .I know it's tough.
Thanks ladies, just had to vent - now I feel a little better~
I still need a second car for these gatherings so I will push for that and then I will try to manage, thanks for the invite. I will soon order a non-fat no-whip large Mocha and make it a decaf. Ahhh
No you are NOT a drama queen. The stress and the sadness are normal, and it comes and goes. The best thing you can do is get yourself out of the house and meet people. And yes, you do need a life but your'e going to have to go out and get it.
Go with the mums group to Starbucks tomorrow, no excuses. You don't have a car? Arrange for your transportation NOW.
You will find that you're not the only one who has felt this way!
Is your accommodation temporary? It sounds like it's much too small for all of you. Any way the company will move you to something bigger?
Maybe you and your hubby can take a look at your budget and see if you can afford a second car. Even if you can't, find some groups who meet regularly and work out a way to get there.
AND get some household help if possible. We were never comfortable with a live-in, but we do have someone who cleans part time. It makes a BIG difference (and I only have 2 kids, not 6).
4 months is not really all that long. You are still adjusting. Please PM me if you need to.
Well I do understand the stress you're facing, but yes you should go out and have some little time to yourself. Bring a nanny (part time) to take care of your little ones when you're out. About the cat through it away or give it to this community www.qaws.org, and they will take caree, you don't need more stress from this wild pet. Moreover, the best thing to do is time management and try to talk with your husband and solve these issues...I really wish you all the best of luck!
As a mother of 5 children
I FEEL YOUR PAIN! Please know it does get better. Maybe not today, or even tomorrow--but eventually it does get better. Repeat that to yourself.
FIRST get rid of the darn cat! With everything on your plate the last thing you need to deal with is a stupid biting cat. Delegate this responsibility to your husband. Have him give it away, take it to QAWS whatever. Just get rid of it ASAP
NEXT Hire a maid. Your husband will soon see the wisdom and necessity. Ask a neighbor or friend for a referral and hire one ASAP. You don't have room for a live-in so simply hire one for as many days a week as you can afford.
LASTLY. Put your children to work. With such a big family you have to delegate responsibilities. I have given my children chores from the age of 1 (yes barely walking) on up. At 1 they had to get their own diapers when they needed changed and bring them to me. Then they had to throw the soiled one into the garbage. By 8 children can do laundry, make lunches, clean everything in the house and help with food preparation. I'm not saying make them full-time slaves, but they need to learn these life skills anyways. It is EVERYONE'S responsibility to keep the home running smoothly. You will find plenty of helpful websites with ideas for chores along with charts and reward systems. It can even be fun for children.
Take 10 minutes each day to be by yourself. Go into your bedroom, close and LOCK the door. Turn soothing music up loudly and just relax, meditate, read or whatever. Even if the baby screams and others are pounding on the door--ignore them. They will survive for 10 minutes. You need this time to de-stess and regroup. When I feel like screaming and throwing things I give myself a "time Out' Then I am better able to handle the situation.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Try to concentrate on the good things in life--loving husband, beautiful children, your health, You have an income etc etc. When you are happy, the children will more likely to be happy. The mother sets the tone for the entire household.
Good Luck Remember --this too shall pass.
I too just moved here from the US and I can feel your pain. I have 4 kids and it's a lot of work, I can't imagine having 6! But I will tell you that something that has helped me immensely is hiring a nanny. It is more help than you can imagine! I put an ad on this site and received many responses and interviewed the applicants and picked one. She is more of a mother's helper than the typical house maid that is so common here. This is one of the reasons I was encouraged to move here, since this kind of help is a luxury that most can't afford in the US. Try to talk to your husband into this, you will be happier and so will he! Good luck and do try to come to one of the playgroups as Expat Sueno suggested. I am planning on going to one of the playgroups too, but I am still trying to get settled myself, as I have only been here for a couple of weeks.
Please, please please come out of the house and join us for an event. We'll be at the Starbucks City Center from 10-12 tomorrow, and you're more than welcome to join us AND bring your little ones. (They won't be the only ones there.) You can find more info on the event in the QL Events Calendar - http://www.qatarliving.com/events/family/kids/doha-expat-mums-expectant-new-mums-coffee
Getting out of the house is the best thing you can possibly do right now. If it means that not everything gets done, then so be it.
Come have a cup of coffee :o)
Expat Sueño