Suffering depression

amberslan12
By amberslan12

Hello every1!

I just want a little advise. Please only serious advices are appreciated.

I'll tell you the story first and then my problem.

This is where it all began...
THE WHOLE STORY:
I lived all my life in Qatar but in 2007 i went to Pakistan (my home country). In 2009 i got engaged to the person I liked. As i am a Pakistani and a Muslim girl. It was a big deal to convince my parents for the person i like. Anyway, I convinced them for him...but then some time later my mom and my fiancé had an argument. Which ended up in a big mess....my mom sent me here (Qatar) soon after that fight. When i came here my with my dad i was not allowed to contact him. I had to stay alone at home for the whole day without any mobile or the internet. But then few months later my dad bought me a mobile...and after that a laptop too. I contacted my fiancé. He supported me, as i was too alone...We used to talk for hours n hours. Anyhow my sister back there in Pakistan tried to convince my mom again for him. But she is still angry and not ready to get convinced this time.

MY PROBLEM:
From past few months i m not able to get proper sleep, I dunt feel hungry, i dont like to go out and meet people. All i do is pray, and sit in front of my laptop for whole day and cry when i am alone.
I cant sleep at night. earlier i was taking some pills which helped me get a proper sleep for atleast 6 hours. But now as my pills are finished i cant sleep again...i just sleep for about 3-4 hours a day and i don't eat proper. even if i try to have a proper food i start vomiting. My dad has been noticing since past a few weeks but he is not in favour to see a doctor. He thinks that a doctor gives the patient more tension after telling them about their illness.
The problem is getting more complicated nowadays as i have started hearing different voices. The voices of my mom n my fiancé keep on disturbing me the whole day when i am alone. I just feel like pulling my hair and cry loud!!

They (my mom and my fiancé) are in two different directions. I don't know which way to go.

I love my mom as SHE IS MY MOM and my fiancé too as he has supported me in my bad times when i was alone and had nothing to do...till now!!

p.s. My mom is not ready to hear my problem. She keeps on telling me that my fiancé is not a good person.
And my Fiancé is already suffering tension because of some financial problem..so i cant discuss it with him either!

Sorry if this post has annoyed you i really wanted to discuss it with someone...and i also need a polite and helpful advice. Please!

By ghazalz• 13 May 2011 11:24
ghazalz

amberslan12, It has been passed a week and I hope and pray you’ll be fine...

By ghazalz• 13 May 2011 04:36
ghazalz

Give the first priority to your mental health please;

Later on look into the matter calmly...

It’s the height of love in which you’re involved but sorry, I suspect it one sided only as per the boy’s behavior towards your elders...

your mother should’ve been respected by your fiancé...as in the early days of an engagement/ relationship normally people act upon at their best, but he seems a bit short tempered, secondly your all maternal relatives do not have any good opinion regarding the boy and in a long term relationship it’ll create more complications...

So think and act upon wisely you'll attain to an acceptable conclusion Insha-Allah! :)

By anonymous• 13 May 2011 03:46
anonymous

one fiance goes another comes.. if one mothers goes thts it !:)

By Sunilsadanandan• 10 May 2011 12:43
Sunilsadanandan

Amber..first u need to take care of urself.. be more strong... u have to see a docter..for sure.. so that u have strength to fight it out.. or to think how to resolve this issue.. If you are depressed then now one can help you..

Try to divert your mind..go out to the malls.. or join some art class or music class..

and atleast for few days talk less to your mom..she may start realizing the situation..

now since your Fiancée is feeling bad..Let him try to find options to make ur mom happy find option were he can say sorry and make her feel that he has realized mistake..

Hope things will be better..

God Bless you..

Dont lose your hopes.. be more strong.. Its life.. up and downs are always there.. dont depend on medicines..

By FlyingAce• 10 May 2011 11:46
FlyingAce

Why do Parents get Influenced by the Extended Family. It is your Child, If She is ready, then go for it, don't even think what the Extended Family will think. Sadly in Sub-Continent these kind of Incidents are happening... :(

By FlyingAce• 10 May 2011 11:43
Rating: 4/5
FlyingAce

You should try to remove your concentration from this matter for a while, Nothing is impossible in this world, and you can do it. Trust me Female has more Will Power then Male do.

Best of luck for your Future. Be happy always, Life is too Short for these things, Enjoy your Life. Inshallah your Mom will realize it, Inshallah...

By Rizks• 10 May 2011 11:10
Rizks

Amber, hope you are fine ? :(

By No_Good_Thing_Dies• 10 May 2011 07:20
No_Good_Thing_Dies

amber, happy to see ur confident..don't forget to inform us when u tie the knot. good luck. :)

By rehmet• 10 May 2011 00:30
Rating: 2/5
rehmet

Hi , Amber . Leave every thing and get medicaL help right NOW.u r suffering from serious bout of depression, but treatable Just go straight to Hamad emergency tell the doc all the symptoms u r having including auditory hallucinations, they will cal the psychiatrist right away and [probably admit u for 3-4 days keep u under observation]as well after seeing u.

Drop everything, I insist GO NOW!

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 16:20
amberslan12

STRONG ENOUGH*

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 16:19
amberslan12

THANKSS EVERY1!

U GUYS ARE TOO GOOD MAY ALLAH BLESS U ALWAYS!!

U GUYS MADE ME STRONG TO FACE THE SITUATION...THOUGH I GOT REALLY CONFUSED BY SOME OF THE REPLIES...STILL THANKS! ATLEAST YOU WERE CONCERNED TO REPLY!

MAY ALLAH GUIDE US ALL TOWARDS THE RIGHT PATH! AAMEEN!

By gudone• 9 May 2011 16:12
gudone

Amber...

I undrstud

..u lov ur mother and needs their blessings for ur life? isnt it?

first of all u take care of urslf.. its a hard situation u r going on... so never lose hope... n never let emotion take u in wrong path... remember ur mom loves u , she needs u... she is trying to protect u from any harm,...

so always first priority is MOM... am sure she will get convinced ...

in ths case...First: go see a doctor. take gud care of ur health

second: ask ur fianceto go meet ur mother and granny and whoever... he shud b determined enough to b success in his mission of conqueringur mom;s love...

Allah will bless u....

By stanley_mnl• 9 May 2011 15:50
stanley_mnl

direct answer....ur not ill, cheer up and get married.

By stanley_mnl• 9 May 2011 15:45
stanley_mnl

@qatardune........ correct.

@amber we dont even know you, but in reality you need to live with a guy who will stand by you... of course to love you.

By syedkaleemkhadri• 9 May 2011 15:41
Rating: 2/5
syedkaleemkhadri

hey please sit once and think what you did for yours parents and at the same time think what they did for you.

they put u clean and neet when u r not able to do.the kiss you several times and love you a lot .

r u doing this for them?

you are an selfish girl..dont think in that manner.

please think what you lost you never going to gain these days back.

believe in Allah ...Allah only help u.

if yours tawakal is strong no one can disturb you.

please make urs tawakal strong .

rest of the things Allah will take

Allah help u

yess Allah only can help u.

dont think for this present life think what mahummed said to us ,

u r the best and beautiful gril on the world ,,,but you dont no about this.

i even never seen u ,,,what i think for u is best and good why>?

u never going to get this ans

so go infront of Allah and say what you want and expect the same ,,my doowa is with you

may Allah bless u my sister

By qatardunes• 9 May 2011 15:37
Rating: 4/5
qatardunes

Listen to your mum... If you won't... you'll regret later in life (that's what my wife says)

Seriously, regardless of your religion, parents always try their best to warn you but they are NOT YOU and they WON'T LIVE FOR YOU, so follow your heart.

I wish you all the best and that you listen to the advise above about seeking professional counselling before wasting away the best years of your life.

By stanley_mnl• 9 May 2011 15:26
stanley_mnl

very sad... amber if i wer you follow ur heart, everybody knows ur bad situation and they will understand later... and in islam allah will guide you always...

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 15:19
anonymous

Well Rizzo....

May be u got that right....

Yes, Coz I "AM" In FAVOR OF LOVE!!!

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 15:17
amberslan12

IT IS CONSIDERED HARAM(FORBIDDEN) IN ISLAM TO DISOBEY ONES PARENTS....

i dont want to disobey my mom....i want her to understand what i am going through...and that i m getting ill day by day...

i dont know what is right and what is wrong! soo confused and disturbed too :'(

By stanley_mnl• 9 May 2011 15:16
stanley_mnl

just get married and allah will guide you....

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 15:16
anonymous

When they start to use their minds to think

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 15:11
anonymous

And HALLO MS alishba ....

LOVE IS LOVE.... No1 has the right do discriminate it...

Well if a Mother dies, will any son or daughter die...??

Even if a Father dies, will any son or daughter die...??

There is no value for Blood relations in front of LOVE my dear...

But for a person who you bearly know, wadeva relegion, wadeva race, wadeva color and wherever he or she may be in, the moment ur heart accepts thats "IT"...

Go find the LIST of people who have died for their love, who have died because they lost there loved patner...

Dont Play with Love and dont play with any lovers....

Emotions are always there... We always respect our Parents but LOVE is higher than all....

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 15:09
amberslan12

AS I HAV MENTIONED EARLIER...I PRAY DAILY....I DONT MISS A SINGLE PRAYER....

but i dont know...y the ladies back there are brainwashing my mom...

My dad is also in my favour....he says...that if the guy is ready to apologize and promises that he will never repeat the same go for him....i'll convince your mom

BUT BUT BUT!!! i want to marry him with my moms and my dads blessings...and her mother and sisters are not letting her convince....that is why i am unable to think now....

I have started to lose my memory as well....i keep on forgetting things...and i stay angry everytime...i speak harshly to all the people around me day by day i m losing weight!...

PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT ANY GOOD DOCTOR! who is ready to listen to my problem...and help me out....

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:59
anonymous

So if u do believe in God, and if u do believe he helped u once... why not try again... and this time also include ur Aunts and Grand Mother....

How long are people gonna blame God for Human doings....

By Ice Maiden• 9 May 2011 14:59
Ice Maiden

It took a friend of mine TEN years to convince her parents. And that too only because her BF was adamant that they would not elope, but get married the right way, with the blessings of both their parents. Well, it was ten long, painful years, but in the end they got what they wanted.

By alishba• 9 May 2011 14:57
alishba

first of all ..i will just say what kind of DAUGHTER u r... if some 1 wud have disrespected my mom i wud hav never see his or her face in my life il break his/her head..and if in case u think tht urmom was rong thn lemme tell u parents r never rong u may feel at tht time they dnt lov u they dnt think the way u think u may think she is acting rude but with the time one day u will realize they were nevr rong...how can u b confuse she is ur mom she gav u birth she have fear that she might lose u and shez not rong may b she saw smething bad in tht guy may b she dosent find him perfect for you..and ofcorse she can recognize a person she is a daughter a wife and a mother she has gone thru all phase of life n u r just in the begining of handling relations..just for tht few years BOY u want to point finger on your mom who kept u 9 months in her womb who was there in ur every walk of life...and thinking of suicide is a big SIN ..first think as a muslim n as a daughter girl life dosent end for any1... live for you UMMI dont die for ur so called fiance who dnt respect ur mom what guarantee he will not repeat this again aftr marriage..

take care....and act mature...

By No_Good_Thing_Dies• 9 May 2011 14:53
No_Good_Thing_Dies

amber, I KNOW SHE"LL NEVER GET CONVINCED. It's the same word my friend used to told to me always...but, I always ask her to don't loose hope...

u know what..Her mother was convinced only after 7 years..hope u understand how much pain she was going thrugh all those years...But, the end, her mother got convinced which she wanted more than anything. It's only fraction of time for ur mother to change her mind...u won't know when that would happen. pls pls don't loose hope..keep trying. don't ever think of suicide. instead keep praying. Me too, pray for you. God Bless You

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 14:53
amberslan12

I DO BELIEVE IN GOD (ALLAH) CAZ I USED TO PRAY HAAJAT (A SPECIAL NAMAZ FOR GETTING ANYTHING U WANT) AND MY MOM GOT CONVINCED WITHIN A MONTH.....BUT AGAIN MY AUNTIES N MY GRANDMOTHER HAVE BRAINWASHED MY MOM

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:48
anonymous

Mr Abdullah.. You beleive in God???

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:48
Rating: 2/5
anonymous

Listen to your heart not your sense, if you are really in love with the guy and you think can't live a life without him then just go... marry... him. All the best

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:45
anonymous

NO COMMENTS....

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:43
anonymous

Then leave on Allah (Subhanwatala)and enjoy your life.

leave this mater behind and go-ahead. time is solution for all the problems.

Pray for Good.

You will see your all problem will be resolved by the time.

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 14:40
amberslan12

yes yes my fiance was once disrespectful towards my mom....but now he feels ashamed and wants to say sorry and apologize for his mistake...

but my mom thinks (what her mother and her sisters tell her) that This is just a conspiracy...once i get married to him...he wont let me meet my own family...But what i can see is that he too has a family...so if he does anything like that in future....i'll do the same to his family...

so THERE IS NO POINT OF HIM DOING SUCH THING TO ME OR MY FAMILY...

and i love them both...alot!

i dont wanna lose anyy of them. I wanted everything to end up peacefully.Once my mom was ready for him but my granny and my aunties messed it up all again...it took me 8-9 months to convince my mom and now i havent got much energy to fight with them and convince my mom again n again... as long as my mom is living with her mother and sisters...I KNOW SHE"LL NEVER GET CONVINCED...all the time i think of suicide....which i think is the final way to get my mom n my fiance out of this mess...

Both will regret after losing me....

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:35
anonymous

We have no idea what her mother thinks, or who is in the wrong. Depression makes people see things completely out of proportion.

As I said, fix yourself and THEN try and fix this problem.

By Upfront• 9 May 2011 14:35
Upfront

dump the guy....go choose another one!

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:32
anonymous

She probably thinks you are her property. Stay away from her.

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:32
anonymous

What a "mother". Brrrrr.

By No_Good_Thing_Dies• 9 May 2011 14:30
No_Good_Thing_Dies

can you ask ur boyfriend to talk to ur mother in person?

I think, he should be the right person to fix this mess.

Ask him to be very kind and flood ur mother with kindness and compassion. make sure he shouldn't loose his temper while speaking with her. She may understand (It happened to my friend. Her mother convinced only when the boy met her in person and explained how much he loves her).

abt ur problem, u should concentrate on ur health. don't skip meals. it's better if u avoid pills to sleep. it's all coz u r worrying too much.

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 14:28
amberslan12

yes yes....he once disrespected my mom....n hes sorry for that now.....and he wants to ask her to forgive him...

but my mom thinks that if she marries me to him....he may not let me meet my family again....(this is what only what my mom thinks)

but as he has a family too....and he will never do such a thing to me....because if he did so...he knows i'll do the same with his family....

SO NO POINT OF HIM HURTING(emotionally) ME OR MY FAMILY AFTER MARRIAGE!

By stanley_mnl• 9 May 2011 14:28
stanley_mnl

@brit......

chezzyyyy

By fubar• 9 May 2011 14:28
Rating: 4/5
fubar

When an old car breaks down, sometimes it isn’t possible to fix it. And the same is true of family bonds. When the bonds between family members break down, sometimes they cannot be fixed either. If you are lucky you can reconcile with your mom and fiancé, but keep in mind the possibility that maybe you cannot. Frankly you mom might think she knows what is best for you, but given the hell she is putting you through, I’m more inclined to say that the less you have to do with her, the better. Any mother who claims to love her children cannot possibly do to their daughter what she is doing to you.

On the subject of your mental wellbeing, it might all resolve itself and go away, but that is highly unlikely. You need to seek professional treatment and most likely medication. Do not self-medicate, as some anti-depressants have been linked to increased levels of suicidality in extreme cases. You need to seek a professional who can diagnose you the appropriate treatment for your own circumstances, and who can monitor your progress.

All good mental health professionals treat patients in the strictest of confidence, so you need to trust that whatever you say to your consulting healthcare professional will not be passed on to your parents or fiancé. Unburdening yourself to someone who can listen and judge objectively will be the first steps towards your recovery.

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:27
anonymous

Yesterday was a Mothers Day.

If lost your fiancy you can get an other one, if you lost your Mother, you cant find in the whole world.

Try to convinced your fiancy to say sory to your mother, he can do it if he love you and consider your mother as his mother this is a simple way I can tell you.

If keep going on same way you will be completely lost, after some time you will be ashamed your self. I see many lovers who get marry with other then lovers they are forget evry thing happy now.

Life is a Gift and Amana of Allah (subhanwatala)we should care it.

Thanks

By stanley_mnl• 9 May 2011 14:26
stanley_mnl

if u really love each other do everything you can just to be with him, your family with understand later, dont waste more time. the best medicine is your fiance.

By britexpat• 9 May 2011 14:25
britexpat

First, just forget about both of them and focus on yourself. Get help if you can.

Once you feel more at one with yourself, then delve into other issues.

Many of us go through this at sometime in our lives. The aim for you is to not let it develop into chronic depression and destroy your life.

If you need to talk, then perhaps one of the QL Ladies might be able to oblige.

Good Luck!

By dota• 9 May 2011 14:23
dota

You must first love your self before you can fully love anyone else.

By kagandahan06• 9 May 2011 14:22
kagandahan06

As what your mom said that he found out something bad about your fiance, don't you think she is just trying to protect you? What is the reason behind thier arguments? Did he ever disrespect you mother?

Mothers always wanted the best for their children. And if your fiance really loves you, he should find a way to be in good terms again with your mom.

Try to seek a psychiatrist regarding your health.

Goodluck!

By bibo• 9 May 2011 14:20
bibo

first, please please please go see a doctor as soon as possible.

talk to your dad, let your sister talk to him, talk to your mother if needed, do whatever it takes to see a doctor, as you need urgent medical treatment. you are having a depression and you need medical support, the deeper your sink, the harder it will take to lift you up.

second, try to understand your mother's point of view, love is blind, and she may be right. If you feel that you can get over whatever problem your mum is warning you about with your fiance, then make it clear to everybody. Stand for your life. fight. I'm not sure how this works in your culture but I'm sure there could be a way out.

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:18
anonymous

At this point reuniting with her fiancee or solving things with her mom might not solve things. Depression tends to take on a life of its own and will continue to worsen no matter what changes in her life. The best thing to do is see a doctor. Go on some perscribed medication and see what perspective you get once every starts to feel normal again.

By stanley_mnl• 9 May 2011 14:13
stanley_mnl

try to convince your family that ur not happy here, go back to pakistan and live happilly with ur fiance before its too late...

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:12
anonymous

Then this is a conspiracy.

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 14:11
amberslan12

thanks every1!

Rizks:

my mom talks normally with me but as soon as i bring my fiance's topic she starts getting mad at me....

and as she is living in Pakistan n me here...i cant help her in work. I talk to her on the internet..

n its not only my mom...the main people behind my mom are her mother (my granny) and my mom's sisters (mu aunts)

By Rizks• 9 May 2011 14:06
Rizks

You are in deeeeeeep Love with ur Fiancee....

Anywayz, start buttering ur mom like help her in her works, try to talk to her much, joke with her, when she starts listening to you tats the right time u can tell her ur problem.

Tell her all wot is going on with you these dayz and also tell her tat if this continues your health might effect a lot and might get worse.

So ask her tat u want to get engaged to the same person and ask her to forget the past and think about ur daughers future ?

Coz after all its ur mom, she will defenately listen to you...not now but will surely Agree with you some day.

Explain her when she is in good mood and in a simple and humble manner and see the change.

Best of luck and God bless you !

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 14:06
Rating: 2/5
anonymous

Amber, Doha clinic has a good Neurologist, but at this point I think any psychiatrist, psychologist or neurologist will do. DO NOT attempt to self medicate, that is dangerous. And do not listen to anyone who says it will go away on its own or excercise will help. You need to consult a doctor.

By amberslan12• 9 May 2011 13:59
amberslan12

i have thought of attempting suicide alot of times....i even used to take 4-5 sleeping pills at a time...

and please advice me a good doctor in hamad or health center.

By PreZ• 9 May 2011 13:56
Rating: 5/5
PreZ

..if u need medication to calm your nerves, I would recommend Inderal 16/19mg, generally available over the counter in UAE, Im not aware of the local law regarding this medicine.

Think over once u r calm. Start excercising / aerobics the physical strain will counter the depression and will help your sleep.

Just remember, all our feelings love, hate, hapiness and sorrow is the result of different chemical coursing through your head.

and generally, it is better to follow your mother's advice.

By ejudith• 9 May 2011 13:56
ejudith

Please see your doctor.

By ejudith• 9 May 2011 13:55
ejudith

You have to see a doctor and be positve.

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 13:54
anonymous

Where there is a will, there is a way, FS!

By Formatted Soul• 9 May 2011 13:53
Formatted Soul

LP...she already mentioned that her fiance is having financial problems...how will they live without family support?

By Formatted Soul• 9 May 2011 13:51
Formatted Soul

You need to see a Doctor! Tell your sister to convince your father to take you to a Doc.

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 13:51
Rating: 2/5
anonymous

Do you want to live with your Mom or with your fiancée? Ask yourself. You can't have both obviously. You must make a decision. One tip: your Mom dies before your future husband (under normal circumstances).

By anonymous• 9 May 2011 13:51
anonymous

You are suffering from depression and if you are hearing voices (hallucinations) than it is pretty serious. I suggest you go and see a psychiatrist immediately. Especially if you start having thoughts of suicide. e

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