I require a little Help ... Please QL?
Hi to all,
I have joined QL a really long while ago to actually play cricket...but have always resorted to reading and being informed due to this place being quite informative (in its own way though)...
I have read many threads about Love, Life, Relationships ...
But after a while into my relationship I'm facing a bit of a Cross-Roads where I'm not able to decide which way to go, what to do, what NOT to do, you know things like that...
I know all of you are pretty busy at work, but just wanted to seek your opinions in this regards as I dont want this to break things due to prolongingness...I believe that each one of you is different in their own way, and everyone have their own viewpoints which makes it all the more BETTER for me to analyze and then take a step...
History: This is a problem between me and my gf and a good friend of mine here( we're all from India)...we'll also stays in Doha too btw...
Situation:
I've been in a relation with a girl, who is absolutely wonderful, and very very sweet. She's a person who has always stood up for me, no matter what, she's supported me in a few things that I've wanted, she's been there for me all the time...and trust me, things have also been vice-versa in returning the support, strength and commitment and trust...
Anyways moving on, there is a friend of mine who was very close to her when we first started going out (and if i may be adding, even before the whole dating started), they both were quite close friends...it went on, and this friend of mine had out of the blue embarked on a quick (but short) relationship with my lady's elder sister. It was short, but sincere from both sides. Endof the day, they broke off from where all started...
There was an incident where in, my friend had visited her house to collect something, and it so happened that after a tough day between both of them, things fell off place due to misunderstandings...I and my gf were sitting on the couch watching a movie, and just when my friend came to say Hi to her, she took away the laptop from me to show me some cricket scores...so he got turned down with (misunderstanding) her action for her attitude and she felt he'd caused her disrespect by not even greeting her in her own house...
Anyways moving on, ever since, my gf reckons that she'd been insulted in her own backyard and I'vent stood up for her...and on the basis of pure misunderstanding...things started to fall off track...
Two people who were close as real good friends...have drifted ways...so far that they dont be seemingly joining.
She feels that she'd made efforts to go out of her way for me cos he's my friend, and drop/pick at the airport, invite them for a game of bowling, or pool, but never has he returned any of that...and when I ask him, he only says, I never told you NOT to Bring her, she's always welcome to come along with you...!!!
Moving on, then came the scenario of my Ex-Gf stepping into the scene and then rises the insecurity of any girl...!!!
Amidst all, I'm getting truly truly screwed over...
I was a person who always has played a game or two of pool with my friend, he's a good friend of mine...yes we do have rifts and spats but whatever, its plain, pure friendship...and with my Ex...its again just friendship cos nothing of any sorts is happening...and thats not even on the minds...!!!
My Gf is a lovely person, but she doesnt like my friend anymore, I'm trying to work out a possibility of a future between her and I truly Love her from the bottom of my heart...
I'm TORN apart in the middle...I feel screwed...cos my GF wants to break up with me cos she thinks I dont respect her feelings (about this friend of mine) and I wantedly Hurt her...and things like that... which is so NOT THE CASE...I for one Love her more truly than anyone...and I respect her to the core...
So at this junction of life, what would You do if you were in my shoes...is what I want to know...NOT WHAT I Should do... but what would you ppl do...
I know what I typed went a bit long of a reading, but I detailed this out, so as you can get a bit of a clear picture about the scenario...and try and see if you could come up with something that you would do to say, save this relation if this was YOURS...
You might think this is some other sob relation story but honestly people, I require your inputs and viewpoints...
Am I doing something Really Wrong, am I doing something so incorrect, incompetent, am I Not doing the needful...what is it...?
Again, if you do write down your viewpoints, thanks a lot for taking time and going through this and then actually typing to let me know your views...if you dont...it is alright, I would presume you're busy, but pls dont hijack this thread for a little while...I really need some inputs...
(Note: At one time, both these people were very good friends and now its like nothing in between...)
What would you do...?
Could you Help please...?
Thanks...
Too long story ....early in the morning...sorry cant bother to read it...
Anywayz am not an expert in the subject...
where did you get this story from my dear?
Or are you daydreaming???
i guess just dump them both and go on with your life and avoid having whussypsychosis whatever that is?
'SO DARK THE CON OF MAN'
I think someone else nailed it, when they said they were jealous.
I think the "misunderstanding" served as an excuse for the friend and the girlfriend to get mad at each other, not as the reason. It sounds like both of them felt like you had been giving them inadequate time and attention and were therefore already on edge about each other. Two people who were secure in their relationship with you, would be able to look past an actual fight, let alone a fight based on a misunderstanding. If you are able to manage your time and energies in a way that leaves them both secure in their friendship/relationship with you, then once that has happened, you should be able to smooth over the misunderstanding and make them tolerate each other, if not like each other again.
and will pick up his FORTUNE card to decide!
i think he got TORN apart completely..
..or got screwed up by his GF.. or by his EX-GF...
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“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Where is Vasu? Did you get the answer to your problems? Have u decided what you have to do?
Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)
_[]~SMoKE~[]_
My God...
What a waste of time...
NEXT.
what? after 1 o clock, nobody helped mr vasu out...
Vasu yaar... problem kya he yaar?? :P
my advice is stop posting such personal detailed sh-it on QL. the ppl involved may read it and be offended :P speak personally with your chick, your friend and dont speak to your ex anymore :P just jokes... speak to her too. i also think that you have all the answers bottled up inside your head and the only reason you post such a thing on QL is in the hope that someone may tell you that what you know is wrong.. but look aroud you. has anyone told u that. no matter how much to try to convince yourself and others, at the end of the day, the truth is the truth.. and lies is lies and looz is looz... you know the answers. stop being a pussy. that's smoke's job.
"There is a friend of mine who was very close to her when we first started going out (and if i may be adding, even before the whole dating started), they both were quite close friends...it went on, and this friend of mine had out of the blue embarked on a quick (but short) relationship with my lady's elder sister. It was short, but sincere from both sides. End of the day, they broke off from where all started" unquote.
Vic - No doubt like other girls your GF is also over possessive and as you very well aware that it is almost impossible for a girl/lady to forget her first love......
If she had/have some sort of love in her heart with your friend then it would be very hard for you to continue such relationship.
I suggest Vasu, you need to have a clear discussion / detail effective communication with your GF, to understand what is her real problem if you continue the friendship with this BOY and tell her clearly what exactly you wanted.
Sometime in life, you have to take vital decisions, who is more important to you and whom you should give first priority.....such as Parents, good friends or GF (going to be a prospective wife). Understand well the situation and circumstances before you take such decision.
Being an Indian, we are still living in a conservative society......may be this/next generation is totally different from me in their PoV's.
All the best and take care!
Oh Vasu stop making us guessu :p
Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)
_[]~SMoKE~[]_
BF.. GF.. WTF...
*********************
“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
let Vasu get more clarity and update us.
.....Hope he is not from 'Ek Duje ke liye's VASU!
some imagination u have smoke...
well i think there's more reason they're (friend n gf) not telling... the friend could've tried to steal away the gf but gf doesn't want him and so she wnts him out of their lives completely... and so the story goes...
;)
Menage a Trois Hindi style... Cool.. When do the parents get involved ? Will there be a long lost brother ?
OMG what if it IS actually that way? Then what would vasu do? he cant dump his gf coz she's innocent of this feelings OR what if the gf also feels the same way about the friend and vasu doesnt know about it? May be somewhere deep down the gf and the friend are meant to be together and vasu is just being road block to their love? You know how it happens in hindi movies, boy and girl are fighting one day and then fall in love the next day, who does vasu trust now? will VASU sacrifice his love for his friend and let his gf and friend live happily ever after? or will they become jani dushman! (mortal enemies) stay tuned folks...:p
Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)
_[]~SMoKE~[]_
Conflicts among BF, Vasu and GF.....
A really difficult situation and analyse as;
If we go with rMS, smoke and QS (males) point, you have to sacrifice your GF.
We need more suggestions and response from QL Ladies (psychology) point of views to reach to a conclusion.
U know smoke.. that point did cross my mind but not in the exact same way... i figured the best friend will be having a crush on the gf and wants to stay away coz he wants to sacrifice his LOVE for his friendship:) Total Hindi movie ishtle LOL
"Ali Baba and 40 thieves" are now "Ali Baba and 30 thieves" ; 10 were laid off.
He could probably help...
When he's not caught up in his own love problems.
Vasu has YOUR friend's gf ever told him to choose between you or her? If your friend's gf were to say that who do you think your friend would have chosen? Like you said your friend and your gf have some misunderstandings and looks like neither of them are interested in sorting out the matter.
Unless your gf is secretly in LOVE with him and wants to get rid of you lol :P
Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)
_[]~SMoKE~[]_
really? ..lol..I usually ignore your comments.. that's why i missed "the points you wrote before".. :):)
kidding kidding.. have no time to read all... to be honest, i couldn't read to the end even the main post itself.. too long and complecated for my busy mind..
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“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
u copy cat, u just elaborated the points i wrote before ! :)
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
don't do anything... tell your GF straight that you are not going to choose between her and anyone else.. today it is a friend, tomorrow it can be your parents.. wth! this is your life.. if she is so "lovely" she should understand that even you are her BF (or even a husband) it doesn't mean you are her possession and you have to give up the rest of the entire world..
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“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
just kick her a$$ out of my life ! and will start hunting for my nXt prey !!!
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
@ Einstind...true that she's a lovely person, but what is it that I can do to bring them closer...or atleast make sure that none of them dictates either of my life...
RMS...hmmm well what would you do brother...
Smoke...Dr. well if I have always respected the girl that is with my friend, no matter what, isnt it only right for him to respect the girl and GET ALONG with the girl in my life...why does he have to HATE Her...tell me...one good reason for him to HATE her to that CORE!!!
Yep, She seems to very possesive and I think she has a big ego too.But Vasu wants to save the reln and he needs advice to save his reln.He says that his GF is a lovely person.No matter what he wants to save the reln.
Atleast that is what I understood from his original post.
Alright the LOVE doctor is in the house. Judging from the symptoms you just mentioned i think ur suffering from mass whussypsychosis. Are u sure your not hiding any other symptoms? The way i see it, your friend is not interested in being friends with your GF anymore either. guess he hates her to the core as well and she doesnt matter to him at all. you shouldnt feel torn between the two of them at all. When she said she makes efforts and plans to go bowling or to play pool etc and your friend doesnt show up its only coz he doesnt want to see her FACE. Where as when he invites YOU to go out he wants YOU to show up and not your GF, however he doesnt mind your gf tagging along like your body guard just so he can spend some time with YOU.
Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)
_[]~SMoKE~[]_
u can never be told to choose between ur friends and your gf... she only wants u for herself.
don let her dictate what u should or should not do, who be with or who not to be with as long as ure certain that ure being fair to both sides.
try a sensible converstation with her about this and make her understand... if she refuses to hear you out, well, u know who to choose!
dump your GF, she is so self centered and cared only for her own feelings.if she cant understand you then wahts the use of keeping her. it is not on favoring your friend but more on how your GF understand situation.
"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies."
dump your GF, she is so self centered and cared only for her own feelings.if she cant understand you then wahts the use of keeping her. it is not on favoring your friend but more on how your GF understand situation.
"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies."
ohh...einstind, you shed some lights on this issue.. me think, she is very possessive this GF...
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“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Now stop your hijacking u mutton head !
There are people like me giving him good advice ! :)
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
wanted to finish reading but fell asleep..ZZZzzzzzz
VASU !!
let me copy this story and give to Karan Johar, to come up with a new LOVE traingle story....lol
Seriously, i dont know how to answer u - lemme throughly read ur problem and will revert u back SOON !!
Here is my advice.
See, first of all ur GF has got no rights on u. i mean she dont have any right to tell to whom you want to talk or mingle with (with men). u r 18+
Secondly she may be very sensitive or possessive in ur case, like she dont want your love to be shared with others.
If it is a misunderstanding b/w your frens, yalla, just talk and solve it out. whats the big deal in that ?
when she says that, u can chose 'her or ur frend' it clearly shows she is aint sincere to you ! NO gal will say like that (if it is true love - Indian concept)
And are you sure that tomorrow she not going to tell you that she dont like u talking with your parents or relatives ? And what will you do in that case???
be a MAN, think , take a good decision.
Best of luck !
sorry for the hijack !!!
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
Your gf hates your bestfriend and vice versa?
Alright a quick summary...
Its like this...
I 'm in a relation where my gf doesn't like my friend to the core, and he doesnt feel the necessity to get along with my gf...so they're both at two different ends...and I'm getting screwed in the middle...
I want this girl cos I love her very much and I truly believe that she's a very nice girl...at the same time I want my friend too...cos he's a good friend of mine, we get along pretty well...so i want to know how to resolve this situation...
My Gf is built upon her insecurity and hatred towards this friend and my ex-gf but I've assured a million times there is nothing but a bit of friendship to play a game or two of pool or bowling...!!!
This is simple as it can get...
So now can you tell me...Rizks, Formatted Soul, Rms...i made it short...
Honestly, it might be "JUST" another love story, but trust me, if i was able to find a solution I wudnt have bothered anyone...now I'm in a dire cross roads getting s5it from all sides...my relationship is at the verge of a break...just because of this...what would you do to handle this...?
So ur GF does not like ur frined who is a male.And she does not like u talking to ur EX-GF too right?
Which means, U have failed to provide her the SECURE feeling which she requires.You might have to work on it.
And ur GF has got a big ego problem.She did not have a problem with ur Male friend before but after the incident which have mentioned she behave indifferently which is not so good.U have to fight it out.
The above is just my opinion.Hope I have not hurt you.
X GF ? from wer the heck she comes from ? :S
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
That FS is not significant
"Ali Baba and 40 thieves" are now "Ali Baba and 30 thieves" ; 10 were laid off.
Thanks rms, analyzing long stories and finding solutions is kinda what I do for a living:)
"Ali Baba and 40 thieves" are now "Ali Baba and 30 thieves" ; 10 were laid off.
I guess you missed one...his ex-gf..loool
I did read the whole story and what I can gather is there is just a misunderstanding between your girl friend and male friend.
Have the two of them tried to talk to each other and try to figure out what is really bothering them?
To me, it sounds like the girl friend might be slightly jealous of your relationship with your male friend. It doesn't sound like that relationship bothered her before, but now that things have gotten more serious between you two, it may be that she wants you to focus just on her and would like your undivided attention. This may even be a subconscious feeling and one that she doesn't even recognize at jealously.
Perhaps, in their own way, they are playing a power game, each vying for your friendship/attention.
The three of you, as adults, should sit down and talk about the situation. Perhaps, if they both knew how stressful this is for you, they could communicate their true feelings and get things out in the open. Sometimes, because the relationships have shifted, people are not sure how they "fit in" their new roles.
If you can open up a dialogue and assure them that they are both very important people in your life and you have time for both of them, they would feel more at ease with
each other; thus, not having to compete for your love and attention.
If they are not willing to communicate, you will have to decide which person's love and attention you want more.
Hopefully, the adult conversation will occur and everyone can communicat their insecurities, needs and wants. Only then, can you and everyone involved fix the situation.
me either FS.. i got lost somewhere in the middle.. cannot get why the guy feels "TORN apart in the middle" and "screwed"... because of some bitchy girl doesn't like his friend?
...one didn't great another warm enough , and then got assaulted in his(her) own backyard... now all hate each other..end of the story.
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“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Mashkoor ! how clearly u explained. for this he wrote the complete essay ? :(
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
Yes i am very busy in office hardly working:) Summary of the story
3 friends
2 fall in love
the other guy and the girl friend have a fight
the girl friend want the boyfrnd to chose between her and the other guy
the boyfrnd doesnt wanna do that
"Ali Baba and 40 thieves" are now "Ali Baba and 30 thieves" ; 10 were laid off.
Simple answer is , write to your friend and explain your feelings. Apologise for the misunderstanding etc..
If he's a true friend, he will understand.. then you can also talk to your GF and bring everyone together..
lol Rizks..
c'mon, somebody explain the story in few words. i cant read the whole thing again. :(
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
FS...
Did he mentione there ??
ohh, as i said we did not read the comeplete thing.
I think u did... ok rMs, Someonenew enough hijacking....lol
All you hijackers... vasu told not to hijack his thread until he get wise advices like somenenew..lol
seems u understood everything. can u plz summarize the above in 2 or 3 sentence ?
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
someonenew...
BRAVO !!
it shows how busy ur at WORK....:)
VaSU...
can the whole summary can be minimised or shrunked in a small sentence ??
and tell us wat exactly is ur problem ??
I cant belive I'm giving LOVE advice, must be JIMIMADI's influence!!!
There are 2 ways to go abt solving this(my opinion)
1. Chose between the two people- This is the easiest option, chose one and forget the other, time will heal all the hurt, life goes on
2. Now this is the really difficult option- try to solve the misunderstanding between the 2, try to get them to be friends again and then all of u can live happily ever after.
"Ali Baba and 40 thieves" are now "Ali Baba and 30 thieves" ; 10 were laid off.
lol jack !!
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
I will tell you one thing Bro.....read carefully ok...
Convince the Girl ok...is she do not wanna listen to you at all...Dump her ok...Move ON....
Friends are forever...Love always changes its fate..
Yaar Vasu....now try posting the same story as a girl....and see how many friendly advises you get...lol
ye we kno, u are bixi lol'ing in other threads.. yalla, carry on.. ;P
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
sorry am busy . cant read now :)
read the story cant understand whats the the long story about.
Rizks.. noooooooooooooo plzz... dont call him back again. :(
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
Love Story !!
ok now were is Jimimadi ?? :(
No Rizks, it a crappy love story ..
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
is it a copy paste thing up there ?? :(
i read the whole thing, but aint understood anything ! :(
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tEaCh Me RuLeS, i'Ll TeAcH hOw To BrEaK iT ..
rMs..!!
Too long story ....early in the morning...sorry cant bother to read it...
Anywayz am not an expert in the subject...
firstly...LOL at "I know all of you are pretty busy at work", since when is a true QLér busy at work?? Back to reading the rest.