Theology of Faith

I just wanna share this story. I never stop reading this and it touch my heart so well.

THEOLOGY OF FAITH

Fr. John Powell, S.J. a professor at Loyola University in Chicago , writes
about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:

Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the
classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith.

That was the day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked.
He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his
shoulders. It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long.
I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it
isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but on that
day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped. I immediately filed Tommy
under 'S' for strange... Very strange.

Tommy turned out to be the 'atheist in residence' in my Theology
of Faith course.. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the
possibility of an unconditionally loving Father/God. We lived with each other
in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a
serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he
asked in a cynical tone, 'Do you think I'll ever find God?'

I decided instantly on a little shock thera
py. 'No!' I said very emphatically.

'Why not,' he responded, 'I thought that was the product you
were pushing.'

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out,
'Tommy! I don't think you'll ever find Him, but I am absolutely
certain that He will find you!' He shrugged a little and left my class and
my life.

I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever
line -- He will find you! At least I thought it was clever

Later I heard that Tommy had graduated, and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report came. I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer.
Before I could
search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body
was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of
chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first
time, I believe. 'Tommy, I've thought about you so often; I hear you
are sick,' I blurted out.

'Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It's a
matter of weeks.'

'Can you talk about it, Tom?' I asked.

'Sure, what would you like to know?' he replied

'What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying?

'Well, it coul
d be worse.

'Like what?

'Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being
fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real
biggies in life..

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under 'S' where I
had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by
classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)

'But what I really came to see you about,' Tom said, 'is
something you said to me on the last day of class.' (He remembered!) He
continued, 'I asked you if you
thought I would ever find God and you said, 'No!' which surprised me
Then you said, 'But He will find you.' I thought about that a lot,
even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time.

(My clever line. He thought about that a lot!)

'But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that
it was malignant, that's when I got serious about locating God.. And when
the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists
against the bronze doors of heaven. But God did not come out. In fact,
nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort
and with no success? You get psychologically glutted,
fed up with trying. And then
you quit

'Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile
appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I
just quit. I decided that I didn't really care about God, about an after
life, or anything like that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing
something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered
something else you had said: 'The essential sadness is to go through life
without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and
leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved
them.''

'So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad.. He was reading the
newspaper when I approached him.
'Dad.

'Yes, what?' he asked without lowering the newspaper.

'Dad, I would like to talk with you.'

'Well, talk.

'I mean . It's really important.'

The newspaper came down three slow inches. 'What is it?'

'Dad, I love you, I just wanted you to know that.' Tom smiled
at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret
joy flowing inside of him.. 'The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then
my father did two things I could never remember
him ever doing before.. He cried and he hugged me.=2
0 We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It
felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to
hear him say that he loved me..'

'It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with
me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each
other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years.

'I was only sorry about one thing --- that I had waited so long. Here
I was, just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.

'Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn't
come to
me when I pleaded with Him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out
a hoop, 'C'mon, jump through. C'mon, I'll give you three days,
three weeks.''

'Apparently God does things in His own way and at His own hour. But
the important thing is that He was there.. He found me! You were right. He
found me even after I stopped looking for Him.'

'Tommy,' I practically gasped, 'I think you are saying
something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at
least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make Him a
private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time=2
0of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said
that. He said: 'God is love, and anyone who lives in love is
living with God and God is living in him.' Tom, could I ask you a favor?
You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you
can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith
course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing
it wouldn't be half as effective as if you were to tell it.

'Oooh.. I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready
for your class.'

'Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a
call.'

In a few days Tom called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted
to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date.

However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more
important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not
really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith
into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever
seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined..

Before he died, we talked one last time.

'I'm not going to make it to yo
ur class,' he said..

'I know, Tom.'

'Will you tell them for me? Will you ... tell the whole world for
me?'

I will, Tom. I'll tell them. I'll do my best.'

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to read this simple story
about God's love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in
the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven --- I told them, Tommy, as best I could.

With thanks,
Rev. John Powell,
Professor,
Loyola University, Chicago