JOKE TIME !!!!

blueboi1201
By blueboi1201

Naging maiinit ang mga talakayan nitong mga nakaraang araw at pilit na sumasabay sa init ng panahon..

Heto magpalamig muna tayo sa walang kwenta at corning mga jokes.. lolzz..

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frog went inside Malacanang Palace..It deeply disturbed GMA because

when the frog croaked it said.....

"Korap! Korap! Korap!

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3 surgeons trying to impress each other's skill:

Doc 1: I operated the arm of this guy and he's now a famous

basketball star.

Doc 2: I operated the leg of this guy and now he's a famous

marathon runner!

Doc 3: That's nothing. I put a mole on the face of this shit idiot

and now she's the PRESIDENT!!

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Mike Arroyo: Laging masama ang pakiramdam ko lately, Doc.

What must I do to get better?

Doc: Sir, it's always better to lie in bed than to lie at the Senate.

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American: We went thru a terrible crises because of 9/11. How

about you Filipinos?

Filipino: Oh, we have our 4'11 and we are still experiencing

the worst.

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Here's the latest:

Nagsalita na si Neri about GMA, di raw nya sinabi na

"She's evil"...

Sabi raw niya: Gloria "wears Prada".

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Nakita ko si GMA, matangkad naman pala siya!----Mahal.

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Hindi lahat ng party ay masaya--3RD PARTY

Hindi lahat ng 13 ay malas--13TH MONTH PAY

Hindi lahat ng negative nakakalungkot- -PREGNANCY

TEST (whew)

Hindi lahat ng positive ipinasasaya- -HIV POSITIVE

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The girl texted her boyfriend, "mahal, punta ka sa bahay,

walang tao..."

Nagmamadali umalis ang boyfriend!

Pagdating sa bahay ng girlfriend.. .

Katok cya ng katok!

Walang ngang tao! hehehe

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Panibagong sagot sa tanong na: "musta lovelife?"

"eto self supporting."

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Anak: Tay, totoo po bang may multo?

Tatay: Anak walang multo! Bakit mo naitanong?

Anak: Sabi kasi ni yaya merong multo!

Tatay: Anak...Tangina naman, wala tayong yaya!

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Ate: Inday, chinese pasko ah, sinosino ba ikaw bati?

Inday: Ay ati benate ku napu c koya nabate ku na din pu driver

naten. Si sir, babatehen ku uli mamayang gabe.

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Inday: Ate, kailangan daw ipaEXTRAY ulo ni junior?

Mother: Gaga anong EXTRAY?

Inday:Ano pu ba ati?

Mother: CT SKULL!! Bobo!

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Bahay ng mag-asawa pinasok ng killer....

Killer: Bago ko patayin lahat ng biktima ko ay kinikilala ko muna.

Ikaw mrs, ano pangalan mo?

Mrs: Inday po.

Killer: Napakagandang pangalan, kapangalan mo nanay ko.

Hindi na kita papatayin. Ikaw mr, ano pangalan mo?

Mr: Ah Pedro po, pero my friends call me Inday.

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Buyer: Magkano kambing?

Aita: Isang libo.

Buyer: Ha? mahal naman! 800 nalang.

Aita: Di pwede, sabi ASAWA ko wag benta pag di libo.

Buyer: Ganon?! Kalahati libo?

Aita: Yan! Pwede na.

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Chinese feng shui: If MIRROR at the stairs, may swelte at grasya

akyat. If MIRROR at the door, may swelte at grasya pasok.

If MIRROR at the ceiling, ikaw swelte, nasa loob ka ng MOTEL!

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Teacher: Juan, give me colors that start with letter M, except maroon!

Juan: Hhmmm...

Maitim!

Mapute!

Maputla!

Madilaw!

Mukhang berde!

Mejo asul!

Mamink-mink!

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3 Palatandaan na tumatanda ka na:

1) Tuhod na lang ang Tumitigas.

2) Buhok nalang ang Tumatayo.

3) Mukha nalang ang Nagagalit.

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An American missionary at his Sunday Bible Study, decided to

show his proficiency in Filipino, so he began:

"Alem nenyo mge enek ko? Pegnemetey keyo, kung mabute

keyo selupe, pegdeting nenyo se lengit, seselubungen keyo neng

mge enghel na meleleke eng pekpek....."

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Mag-ama nakasakay sa barko habang bumabagyo...

Anak: Tay! Nag-aalala po ako. Parang lulubog ang barko.

Tatay: Tanga! Ba't ka mag-aalala eh di naman atin ito!

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Isang binata naputulan ng parehong braso, pagdating sa ospital:

Binata: Doc gamutin myo po ako naputol parehong braso ko.

Doc: Mga anong oras ka ba naputulan?

Binata: Mga 10 oras na po.

Doc: 10?! Eh bakit ngayon ka lang pumunta dito?

Binata: HALLER! Mahirap kaya pumara ng jeep!!

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Nanay: Papauwi ka na ba? Asan ka na?

Anak: Andito po ako sa ospital...

Nanay (umiiyak): Ha? Ano nangyari sayo?!

Anak: Nay, nurse po ako, duty ako ngayon!

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A large signboard says:

"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY."

Nakita ng lasenggo...

"So what?! Sino ba nagmamadali? "

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Misis: Inday, napansin mo ba ang barong ni sir mo lagi na lang

may lipstick?

Maid: Opo nga ma'am! Mukang niloloko na tayo ni sir ah?!?!

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Jr: Nay, nagloko ba si lolo noong buhay pa sya?

Mom: Pag namatay ako, tatangungin ko sya sa langit.

Jr: Eh kung nasa hell si lolo?

Mom: Tatay mo ang magtatanong!

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Economics Professor: "Now tell me what is the similarity between

your bank account and a bra?

Student: "Well, the more in it, the better interest you get."

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Nanay: Langya! Anak buntis ka?

Anak: Opo nay...

Nanay: sinong may gawa nyan?

Anak: Nay, project po ito tungkol sa miracle of life.

Nanay: Putrages kahit ba sinong Poncio Pilato ang bumuntis

sayo pakukulong ko. Sabihin mo! Sino?!

Anak: Nay...marami po eh...group project...

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Man to Doctor: Is there a way for long life?

Doc: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Doc: No, but the thoughts of long life will never come to your

mind again.

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Wife mad at drunk husband: From now on, lips that touch liquor

will never touch mine....

(Later she said): What are you thinking?

Husband: Trying to decide between 12year old scotch and

50year old lips.

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Son to dying father: Itay, ano po ang gusto

nyo, magpalibing ba o magpa-cremate?

Ama: Ikaw na ang bahala, anak. I-surprise

mo na lang ako.

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Wife: Dear...nahihirapan akong huminga....

Husband: Dear...kung nahihirapan ka na, e di

itigil mo na! O, di bah!

************ ********* ****

Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo nay un

sweets.

Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman.

May pasalubong ka pa sakin!

Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim

kaya!

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Pulis: Sino nakakita sa aksidente?

Vendor: Ako sir, ako!

Pulis: Buti naman may witness. Kita mo ba

plate number?

Vendor: Oho! Nagsimula ho sa 4

Pulis: Ano kasunod?

Vendor: Registration.

************ ********* ****

Bisaya: Hulaan mo alaga kong hayop nagsimula

sa liter i.

DJ: Isda?

Bisaya: Dili man!

Dj: Ibon?

Bisaya: Lapit na.

DJ: Ano nga, siret na!

Bisaya: IGOL.

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Erap disembark from a PAL flight and was

met by reporter who asked, "Sir, what do

you think of the economy?"

Erap: I don't know. I was seated in the

first class.

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Misis: Darling, akala ko ba, mahal mo ako...

Mister: Oo nga! Handa akong mamatay alang-alang

say o.

Misis: Sus! Puro ka naman satsat, hindi mo

naman ginagawa!

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Sa isang restaurant:

Waitress: Sir, akala ko ba, nagda-diet kayo?

Customer: Oo nga. Gusto kong pumayat. Kaya

nga rito ako kumakain sa restaurant ninyo,

kasi hindi masarap ang pagkain kaya konti

lang ang nakakain ko!

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Tony: Ikaw na naman? Tatlong beses mo na

akong na-holdup ngayong taon, ah!

Holdaper: Ganu'n talaga brod. Inaalagaan

ang good customer!

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Daddy: Anak, bakla ka ba?

Junior: Naku! Hindi po, Daddy!

Daddy: Mabuti kung ganu'n. Tama na ako lang

ang bakla sa pamilya.

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A man robs a bank and takes hostages. He

asks the first hostage, "Did you see me rob

the bank?". First hostage says, "Yes", and

is immediately shot.

The robber asks second hostage, "Did you see

me rob the bank?"

Second Hostage, "No, but my wife did."

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BEWARE! Survey proved that SENIOR MALE CITIZENS

are the greatest carrier of AIDS!

They have walking AID

Hearing Aid

Breathing Aid

and most important of all - Erection AID.

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at eto ang huli..

RENE: Dok, bakit lagi akong natatae kapag 6:00 AM?

DOK: Aba! Ok! Mabuti nga 'yan. Ano'ng problema mo ru'n?

RENE: 7:30 AM kasi ako nagigising, Dok

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