ewan ko lang, kung di kayo mapapa-smile dito...
(Si Long para makalibre, pumasok at may dalang inahin.)
BANTAY: (sinita si LONG) Ano yan?
Sa airport canteen, umorder ang isang Amerikano
Kano: Miss, will you please give me one few two?
Tindera: What, sir?
Kano: I said one few two.?
Tindera: Oh, puto!!!!
Kano: Yeah, that's right!
Sa isip ng tindera, tangna! Puto lang, pino-few two
few two pa! Gagantihan ko siya!?
Tindera: Okey, sir? what color do you want? few la? or few ti?
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Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?
Babae: aso ito hindi baboy!
Lasing: huwag ka nga sumabat! yung aso ang kausap ko!
Husband: "Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"
Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"
Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"
Wife: "aSus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang..
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?
Baby: thank you po!!
husband : hello!? electrician ba ako?
wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako?
umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. tinanong niya wife niya kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay.
so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
husband : so pinag-bake mo siya ng cake?
wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!
Mga lasa ng gatas ng babae?
1. Dalagita? fresh milk
2. Dalaga? pasteurized
3. Bagong kasal? skimmed milk
5. Matandang dalaga? taho
6. Lola? tokwa ~~~~
Limang klase ng egg preservation?
Maalat-alat: salted egg iyan.
Maitim: century egg.
Mabuhok: balut iyan.
Mabaho: bugok iyan.
Malibag: bah! bayag na yan!
ANAK:
'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ngSupper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun.
Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng
Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!
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Anak: flowers papa!!! madaming madaming flowers! pretty diba?!
Man 1: Pare, ano ang ikinamatay mo?
Man 2: Inatake ako sa puso.
Akala ko kasi, nagtataksil ang misis ko kaya bigla akong umuwi, at
nadatnan kong hubad siya. Naghanap ako sa buong bahayan, pero wala
akong nakita. Sa pagsisisi ko at sama ng loob, ako'y inatake sa puso.
Ikaw pare, ano ang ikanamatay mo?
Man 1: Namatay ako sa lamig.
Man 2: Ano? Bakit naman?
Man
1: Bigla kasing umuwi ang aking kumpare at nagtago ako sa refrigerator.
Kung binuksan mo sana ang ref, malamang pareho pa tayong buhay ngayon!
-------------------------------------------------
CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:
Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing
how important their children are:
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he
walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop.
Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you
down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room,
people say, 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first
three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied, well-
hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room women say,
"My God..."
---------------------------------
A Pinoy is having his "SNACK" (bread and ube jam), when an Caucasian
American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Pinoy ignores the Caucasian American who, nevertheless, starts a
conversation.
Caucasian American: "You Filipino folks eat the whole bread??"
Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Caucasian American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the
States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into pandesal and export them to the Philippines ."
The Caucasian American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.
The Caucasian American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??"
Pinoy: "Of Course."
Caucasian American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put
all the peels, seeds, and left-over in containers, recycle them, transform
them into jam and export them to the Philippines ."
The Pinoy (kind of pissed na!) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
Caucasian American: "Why? Of course we do", with a big smirk.
Pinoy: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Caucasian American: "We throw them away, of course."
Pinoy: "In the Philippines, we don't throw them. We put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to the United States."
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