The doctor decided to test my eyesight and said to me:

'now, watch my finger' and he put his hand in front of my face and raised one finger. I followed it with my eyes, first left, then right, then up, then down.

He said: 'now, open wide' and so I opened my eyes a little wider.

'A bit wider, please' he said - so I strained my eye muscles until I must have looked like an surprised owl!

The doctor just sighed and said: 'I meant your mouth'

I never saw the psychiatric report, but physically I seemed OK lol