i dont know much about Haji but i do know if something tells you, to do something in life you have to go for it. It might be hard and challenging and be a scary prospect but you should definalty go for this. And from reading your posts which you have posted on QL there is no way your a bad person, we all do things which we regret and think we could have handeled situations better but we learn from them, it doesnt make you a bad person! You go girl!