Infidelity among Expats

The Expat men in Doha are paid well and have less working hours than in their respective countries now couple that with luxurious lifestyle here and a busy/absent partner and a huge community of women from X ‘n Y countries who are famous for running the underground business of Cheap Meat here and you know why your husband wants his fingers in more than one pie (not just yours)

That is why you should not marry, unless you are sure that in case of anything you can take care of yourselve and your kids. Education, education, and one more time education!!! Work! Bank account. Preferably a small property on your name. And than - husband. Marriage agreement. You can not trust no one in this life. It is good to relay on God to led you and show you the way, but you have to secure your own back yard in case if God will send you such a playfull hudband, who can not keep his little willy in the base. Wemen shoud stop thinking that once they got married - they are protected and financialy supported. Anything can happen.

PH - There's no cheating. It's Basic Instinct. Marriage tries to curtail that instinct by tieing two parties together for life. Thats insane.

What's wrong with this? Just because someone doesn't want to follow your institution called marriage, you brand them the way you like? I think marriages are permanent hell and every man and woman must try their hands at 'infidelity'. It's more fun and exciting.

once a spouse cheats and the trust is gone that's it!..see ya!

all are busy googling for that religion...lol

Marry four... problem solved...

There is one religion where one can marry 15!

"Tou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife" .. So it's best to look down the street

But aren't we taught to love thy neighbour? Share the love ladies...

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Sounds a little painful. this is why men don't tell their wives :O(

Yes Brit, right after we have cut their balls off and worn them for earrings.

So we're agreed then. women should forgive Philandering husbands.

Victory... how heartless...who will take care of these women:

Women with financial needs.

Women without families.

Women who have no way of earning money

Women with no work experience.

God cant take care of everything... people have too... ;-)

You are absolutely correct Mimi,

thats what I said in my earlier post There are several factors, commitments and responsibilities have to considered prior taking such strong decisions.

Plus old-age sick parents, jobless brothers, having their own families; who could not support poor lady at this juncture of Life.

Even men should consider these issues, if taking any harsh action against his wife.

Be considerate and loyal to your partner :)

I think some women definitely stay for financial reasons. Some women don't have families that they can turn too during a divorce. Others have no way of earning money, and no work experience.

Alimony isn't granted the moment you decide to leave your husband. It can take well over a year in court (which costs money) to make a case of alimony. What do you do in that time?

For many, the house, the car, the bank accounts are all in hubbies name. Until the courts tell him to, he can keep all of those things from you.

Not to mention that here your children are liable to be given to the husband without any consideration for the mother, or whose the better parent.

I complitely disagree that some ladies stay in the marrige coz they depend on husbands financally. They stay coz they are afriad to start fresh, and deep inside hope that man will change. Really, how much can you depend on your man financialy? Get divorce and get you alemony money via court! Also i cant get it - how can you be back together with some one who cheated on you and you know that???? How can you sleep again in one bed? If man can not stay without sex, let him use his hands - that's what they are for anyway! Death to cheaters!))))

They say ... ...!!!

... these mistresses are foremerly men ... who fantasized ... too much ... about women ... so were born ... as women .

A deterrent for both parties :

Men : Be faithful to your own wife. Don't entertain mistresses ... they are .... men.

Misstresses : Behave, your are looked down in the society. Up hold your honour. Be loyal to one.

Please do not base your opinion on the hearsay !

Oh well, if you're confident enough with yourself then no need to worry about your husband.

One more advice, don't rely all your needs with your partner as it's always better to have your own (money & job) just in case of unexpected separation and/ or any unforeseen circumstances. If your husband have an affair and you have caught them, don't do same mistake as a sign of revenge; instead, focus and enhance yourself to show them that you can still live your life the way you want without commiting any wrongdoing from your part.

Phynix, you said "so its in best interest of both men & women not to have close friendship with the other sex"

Some of my closest friends are male, and guess what? I was able to fight the urge to rip their clothes off! Men and women who WANT to stray WILL, no-one is holding a gun to their head.

Some men having the ability to marry more thatn one wife .. it is his right then ..

one should not enter marriage if he/she will just astray from the commitment.

I'm not..

Lazerblue: Your case is not unusual. Sadly this is part and parcel of expat life in the Gulf. Some have happy endings, others don't. Best of luck to you. i hope it all works out.

and as what has been said above, it takes two to tango.

You cannot blame the woman alone. Remember all guys in Doha are "bachelors".

I don't realize there exist infidelity among expats, honestly! :P

its a serious issue. there must be some law or atleast ethics against such men and women

one of my friend has been in a similar situation, at first she decided to go for divorce, but later on she changed her decision and didn't granted the divorce even though her hubby and his girl friend wanted, but now things have changed, they both are back together.

one of my friend has been in a similar situation, at first she decided to go for divorce, but later on she changed her decision and didn't granted the divorce even though her hubby and his girl friend wanted, but now things have changed, they both are back together.

is evidence that I am aware of my own strenght to deal with my issues how I see fit. Personally, I appreciate the comments and I like what I am getting from all the reactions. Again, this is a life issue and the reason so many responded in such a short time is because most of us can identify with the topic of discussion. Whether from personal experience or otherwise, we all have a story to tell and it is our perogative to tell it how we want to tell it via which ever medium we chose to tell. Again, if you read my initial post, I do not blame the woman as I suggested that there may be husbands at home whose wives are here who may be going through the same thing. Your response too is very appreciated and adds to the variety of voices and opinions on this issue.It just a social comentary.

When we have said so far "dont blame only women", I guess we mean single unmarried women lured by married men. What about the married woman hitting on single unmarried guys. Doesn't that happen here or anywhere and what could be there excuse to do so as most of them are generally with their hubby's so deprivation of s*x is ruled out.

:)

check here

http://www.qatarliving.com/node/3155793

Practically, not every person in the similar situation and circumstances what we consider.

There are several factors and responsibilities have to considered prior taking a strong decision.

I have my dogs and cats and NO man in my life.... Picking up their poop is way less stressful and messy....

generally rentals are very aware and dont care if the dude is married..and normally would not blink an eye, once told the wife or gf is coming..

it's the one that became "in her eyes" the one this guy is gonna be with for his time here..

most likely he was less-than truthful...

so when she hears that he is married or has a gf, she lashes out the only way she can...tell the wife/gf of his infidelity...

it is a very tricky situation..

The guy should be shot ...really... because he is responsible... cause without his willy getting up the relationship cannot get processed...

are you a marriage counsellar or jodi breaker :)

I have no option other than agreeing with Brite. There are lots of married women and men here who are living with their boy friends and girl friends.

Doha, I agree Husband must have mislead that Women, But Was that WOMEN Soo Dumb Arse, Knowing that The Guy has a Family back home....

Its Simple as it gets, She wanted her Monthly Expenses Paid, & Husband wanted Sex....

You Can't Blame only the Husband....

the husband is generally the one who probably mis-led the woman..

Same as what MM experienced..

so all the fault belongs on him..

but placing blame is moot...

as the relationship damage has happened..

better to "roll the dice"..and figure which way to go..

lol. I am really glad I posted. The response is good. Most of the truths and opinions expressed are thoughts I've had but good to chat with others. We all continue to find ways to cope with our own individual struggles, be it love or marriage or money or children or religion or politics or just life itself.

That thought continues to be tempting. Not blaming the women really.

That thought continues to be tempting. Not blaming the women really.

I need to be promiscuous.....

Self discipline and be loyal to each other otherwise face the music

And if you want to go deeper into the problem, you should consider that tribal nomads did not know marriage. When people settled and claimed 'property' they began to develop a sense of "owning" and it was extended over people, too.

I would disagree. I think that many expatriates treat it as a short term "marriage of convenience". Win / Win for both. They don't look at the longer term implications.

The real problem seems to be, that sex, or the desire for sex, is natural and normal, whereas marriage is an invention of societies trying to control these natural ambitions. The conflict is programmed.

actually the chick is closer to 25 yr old..

harder to get youner ones in country..lol

Oh I think 1 in 10 at least has to have some kind of clue.

Just to share a story, I was dating a guy when I first moved to Doha for about 3 months. One day he takes me out to dinner and says to me "Um, my girlfriend is coming to visit next week, so is it ok if we pick this thing up after she leaves?"

My jaw hit the table and I just got up and left and never spoke to him again.

Miss Mimi i dont agree with your statement

"the problem here is that 9 time out of 10 the other woman doesn't even know the wife exists!"

the scale for sure is higher!!! atleast 50:50

I won't be Surprised too See 50yr Old Guy & 20yr Old Chick together out here in Qatar.....

Haha Colt, I didn't let you get close enough to me for you to find out...

You hit the nail right on the head :-)

You're right Brit...us women are just so damn irresistible, you men just can't control yourselves around us...

It's coz you didn't wear alluring perfume :-P

not a good idea to go to the police..

yes, her husband may go to jail, loose his job, be deported from the country.

but the adverse affect on the household, will probaby be much worse..

I am sorry this happens to any family..

Fatimah, the problem here is that 9 time out of 10 the other woman doesn't even know the wife exists!

Colt: because I have self-respect :-)

Funny how some married expats say: "I came here for my family,I'm doing this for my kids and to help my husband/wife" but end up having affairs here. That's so thoughtful,isn't it?

The mouse sniffs the cheese and bolts out of the house...

it's those vimmin with their bumpy bits , aluring perfume and doey eyes :O(

And as a wife who values religion, trust and fidelity in a marriage, I will not bother with blaming the other woman/women and instead concentrate more on how best and fastest I can kick the man out.

I agree with both Miss Mimi and Shalla.IMO a man who does not value commitment in a supposedly "committed" marriage(as opposed to those mutually agreed upon open marriages) is not worth keeping for any reason. Not for money, not for children and most certainly not for love!

And if there's one thing that really gets my goat, it's the whole fudge of a man being a man and hence "naturally" prone to cheating. Yeah right! Like a woman has any less desires specially when away from their husbands. And if she, the wife, can be loyal and fight off temptations then so can the man!

As for the mistresses then I truly pity them. If they are that low in life to want someone's cheating husband as a companion then it sure must suck to be them! Best revenge..let them have him.

Why did this not happen with us? :-P

this is becoming men vs women troll!!

and not surprisingly no comments from the offenders so far both men and women!

Perhaps hubby needs to learn to keep his mouse in the house...

Don't only blame women. It has something to do with married men as well. I think it's not the women you should be mad at but your husband who seemed to forget all you did for him just because he got a boner.

IamtheXXXX, you are right. A lot of women have no choice but to accept cheaters, as they can't financially afford to leave them and care for their children. Same reason a lot of women are stuck with abusers.

It's not just eastern women either. A lot of western women are stuck in similar situations.

the puppies! hilarious yet true!

Its amazing such things happen here... I never thought such things happened here... lazerblue its really sad this happened to you... maybe you can complain to police. But who are these women?...

Misery loves company....

Wives, if you think that this only happen's in Doha, please wake up...this is just the place the perp got caught...

men are loyal puppies..

just keep rubbing our bellies and we will be happy..

however, just like a puppy, we are known to lose our concentration....:)so you would need to keep us on a short leash..lol

How long do you think a man ( or married man) can stand without sex ?? and far from his wife or partner??

Well, not enough.. a year.. is just tooooo long..

So before you send your men to earn money for you.. you should be expecting such situations ... Or better you move with them to be on the safe side

for Marriage counsellar in Qatar.

Women don't know the essence of marriage, how to sustain long term relationships and complaining at QL :p

LP....Guns (with flowers) a better solution.

Why do you think it's the fault of that select group of women? Don't you think your husband is the one who should have kept his mandingo in his pants or used the four knuckle shuffle as and when required?

Yes, there are gold diggers here, but then there are also many many men and women looking for short term relationships.

Xena: I am so , so lonely.

P.S: I am not that well off :O(

lot of women accept the cheaters because they are dependent on those cheaters for the finances! not all women but the percentage of indepenednt women is very less regardless of the nationality!

my prejudistic view is western women are more independent than easterners!

so if there is no money then no there is no food for children as well? better live a life with a cheater than die of hunger!

it all comes down to women being oppressed for ages!

Or: a shop that sells guns!

Smoke is, where there is Fire. You can't teach matured adults,

In our democratic country everything is available, don't blame Qatar or women/men alone. Its all consensual act.

Love..... The thing is that after certain years in marrige love changes colors and shape. And this is normal- ask any expert)))) after 10 -15 years in marrige people love each other in a different way. They love each other coz they understand each other, respect, and support. Well, with sex on the weekends)))) And if husband, who suppose to understand and respect me, and share common values and family traditions, cheats on me - what for i need such man in my life^??? Ones a cheater - you know... if man wants to f.. around - let him. But he should know -there is no way to come back and "fix"the things. and stupid these wemen who take cheaters back, saying - i want my children to have father. F... such father! Women has to respect herself, and show to children that she wont let anybody wipe their dirty feet on her!

Next step Xena: "does anybody know a cheap lawyer?"

lets not go there! then it will come down to science saying sex is an important need of life!

people still have brains to think whats morally good and whats not!

When I saw the post of the request for a Marriage Councellor... I knew this post would be next.

without love and respect marriage cant survive!

infidelity comes a distant third!

bringing your family here in Qatar is never easy..some are forced to live without family because they are not "entitled to"..thats why adultery is becoming common here..one of the greatest sin according to any holy book.. absence of partner to love is the reason..thats what i think..

Love and husbands are all fine and good as long as the love and respect are there. Once either of those are gone, husbands aren't worth keeping around.

children and money? seriously?

what happened to something called love?

ahh well its all lost and gone during high school!

i am here..... )))))

Really, never could understand women who blame other women. Blame you horny husband! Than kick him out of the house, and post his picture with " Have you seen this cheater?" in all the malls around. Than find yourself another men, but never marry him. Use him. All women need - children and money!!! Husbands come and go, children - the most important thing, and lots of money make you life easy and comfy! Hurray!

All these are simply just Business for those women...

And a challenge to all wives...

where are these women? and why only "married men"?

am sure many bachelors are willing to provide the same service!

Seems problems happen when either or both get emotionally involved. So far it can be a business relationship, things would be OK.

If you only knew the truth :O)

Brit I'm sure you experiences in the Ramada car park and the bar in the Sheraton would tell you its different. I'm sure those women see you as a target and attack as soon as you turn up.....

I don't think its a sub-culture of Doha its a culture of humanity worldwide.

Plenty of gold diggers here though and it runs from the locals right through every level of expat if they are so inclined.

"target" seems a bit strong. Yes, many women are attracted to married men because they give them what they need without the long term commitment . However, i would lay the blame for such liasons squarely on the shoulders of the married men themselves.

Why does the man say yes to temptation, when he knows he's married and plans on getting his wife here sooner or later?

So he has his fun when he is alone and then wants to live stress free with his wife.

I'm thinking you should cut your husbands balls off rather than blame the women.