Social Networking - The Marriage Killer ....
As if we didn't know already.. Now there is proof that sites like facebook and perhaps even our own QL could contribute to a rise in divorce rates...
Would you agree with the findings ? I do believe that many of us find it difficult to comprehend the boundaries of "flirting" and perhaps even some partners are not as understanding of this .............
From the Daily Mail:
It used to be the tell-tale lipstick on the collar. Then there were the give-away texts that spelled the death knell for many marriages.
But now one in five divorces involve the social networking site Facebook, according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
80 per cent of divorce lawyers have reported a spike in the number of cases using social media for evidence of cheating, with Facebook by far the biggest offender
Flirty messages and photographs found on Facebook are increasingly being cited as proof of unreasonable behaviour or irreconcilable differences.
Facebook was by far the biggest offender, with 66 per cent of lawyers citing it as the primary source of evidence in a divorce case. MySpace followed with 15 per cent, Twitter at 5 per cent and other choices lumped together at 14 per cent.
The survey reflects the findings of a UK law firm last year showing that 20 per cent of its divorce petitions blamed Facebook flings.
‘The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to,’ said Mark Keenan, managing director of Divorce-Online.
I was just about THIS close to getting a hopeful girl on facebook after all the bitterness of being single! Killjoy! =o)
Flor, I did not call you stupid as I did not talk to you particularly.
Brit, as I said numerous times now, IF people want to cheat they will do so no matter what. It may be easier through these media, but the bottom line remains, the will has to be there.
Should not .. But it does happen and in many cases it leads to other things..
By the way, i love your writing ..
It's not Facebook or any social networks that should be blamed. Whether it's virtual flirting or real life, FLIRTING IS FLIRTING, period! A married person should not initiate or entertain "flirting" of any kind.
Me numero uno proper bf is on my FB and I'm wundering wot I eva saw in him :-0
/the improper ones are across a few continents, so FB is good... *bats eyelids*
and adultery has always happened.
With the internet it happens faster.
There is nothing new to what happens on line. The world has got smaller in some ways. Men and women have always cheated. It may not have been the old girl/boyfriend from Friends Reunited or FB, AOL or whatever. But if somebody wants to have an affair they will and do find a way. They always have and always will.
What is easier is not the cheating, it is the very act of divorce and the no shame attached to divorce.
Don't blame the medium. Blame the fact it is easier to get divorced then it is to get married in some cultures.
Wives and husbands always have suspected but could not get the proof; now they can get the proof and can and do act on that proof. The act of adultery has not increased; what has increased is the finding out and acting upon it.
Britex I agree. When a murder is committed, the gun is not hanged!
after almost 17 years...my daughter and her father re-connected on FACEBOOK and they're kind of closer now and communicating...you know, father-daughter bonding.
That gave way for HIM and me to start speaking again after almost 19 years of NO COMMUNICATION at all.
That's bcoz of SKYPE and YAHOO and of course, FB
Funny thing is, his wife (of 14 years)and 2 kids knows we're talking...and there's no animosity or jealousy. You know why?
I'm in Qatar and my daughter's father is in Saipan...and for us to meet again or see each other in person would be by THE TIME MY DAUGHTER GETS MARRIED...which will happen let's say in 5 years time.
proofs are easier to see now! Lol!
in divorce cases and proofs are coming from social networking communications. Meaning, more expose since the rise of such social networking sites!
social networks... they only need a reason to do so.
That's true.. And as the article says , they have been used to provide evidence in divorce cases..
Brit these mediums also open the possibility of catching cheating partners.. Earlier it was that much harder to get even a hint that something is wrong..
Your points are valid.. Those who want to cheat will always find a way. However, these mediums also open up the possibility of cheating. What starts off as innocent flirting has the capacity to lead to more. Similarly, the ease of digging up old friends, old flames can also lead to rekindling of feelings and thus cheating.
We are all different and not all have the strength of will that you have..
what makes you saying my view is stupid, a RESPECTABLE person?
Flor and did I say ETC?
or whatever? I say the current strong (bad) influence by the current technology including but not limited to what I stated first have somewhat influenced the behavior of both partners in cheating each other. Why the need to twist my sentence.
And do you honestly believe that movies have no effect on the issue being discussed?
If someone wants to cheat they can do this if there are social networking sites or not.
And if people get influenced by movies etc, they are pretty stupid,
IMHO.
People only use these tools. Before those things existed they used other tools.
If somebody WANTS to cheat , they will do so no matter what.
If all those things would disappear now, you would still have people cheating, 100%. Maybe not as many, because they need to make more of an effort, but the bottom line of wishing to do so is still there.
media, tv, movies etc etc, contribute to such behavior of being too flirtitious towards the opposite sex. Most are intentional although there are times as only a diversion. But I agree with the article, the best proof is communication exchanges on social networking forums!
I must disagree somewhat..
These findings are from The West, where there is no societal or family pressure to stay together. Perhaps in Asia and Middle East , this may be the case.
yes brit, infidelity surfaces when people are bound to remain together against their wishes..mostly because of the society or the family.
one can walk out of a relationship but its difficult to walk out of a marriage in many societies..hence infidelity.
infidelity is not natural..its an effect of a cause.
What's only natural ? Infidelity ?
URGH...no big deal, its only natural!
bernard shaw once said..character is nothing but lack of courage and opportunity.
With Mobiles, Social Networkins sites and internet sites promising"Dating"It looks like a relationship has more threats to survive than just incompatibility between the partners,:-( ,Generations down the line , With these gadgets and many newer ones yet to come, Humans looks like going from single partner –for- life beings, to multiple partners simultaneously, may be for a set of years!
Thanks OP,
but not always;
oritee.. lemme re-phrase it.to both men & women,sad to say.is it that hard to admit an evident infidelity?
Such decisions are not so easy to make...
Anyway, we are getting off track ////
tink..when you walk out how sure are you that outside is cooler? only when you step out you will know that...
only men ???
based from own experience,yes it's true.worst thing is,when i caught my x-boo,his immediate reaction was 'i don't even know her'.funny!though he knew that i've read all their conversations & stuff...honestly,till now i just cannot digest why men cannot just admit their infidelity though caught in an off-guard moment.tsk.
But if the gun wasn't readily available, then ...........
I can think of one break up...not sure if a QLer was the sole reason for that..
exactly..
Guns don't kill people
People kill people ...
why blame the vehicle, blame the driver
Love Guru must be virgin , isn't he ? :P
Brit it has created tensions in some cases for sure but don't know about any divorces..
yes i believe so :P
Wonder if QL has contributed to any splits ?
then don't make it over 66 ;)
bladrick you mean in QL? or FB?
lemme create a male id and see how many girls hit me...rofl
Read the article.. No one is blaming facebook.. They are saying that they contribute to divorce and many times the evidence of chat/communication is used to support divorce cases.
At the end of the day, it is the individual to blame, but these sites have opened a new avenue to cheating..
FS - For a laugh I set up a fake IMVU (or however it's spelled) as a girl. It took 5 minutes before some creepy guy looking for friendsheep was hitting on me
Britexpat
symptom, not the cause
Actually hiding on this kind of websites "fake ID" is very easy so why the stupidity???
they should not be afraid of real ID's but of fake ID's if they were able to get them.
this is what we call "second life"
If you've got nowt to hide, you've got nowt to worry about...
FB is a piece of software.....blaming fb is refusing to take responsibility for your own actions
A real story...
my friend's husband created a female id on orkut to chat with his gf who is also married...so that she dont have a problem if her husband checks her friend list..
one day the husband logged in from the home pc with that id without realizing that it was on 'keep me logged'
when the wife logged in later she found some flirtatious messages on her orkut...when checked again she realized its some other id...when she read all the pvt messages she was shocked to know that its her husbands female id..
and the fight started...when confronted the husband said she dont have to know his personal life...he was a very gentle and loving husband before....:(
Bottom-line is it will all happen only if you are lacking something in your marriage...and social networking is just a reason..:)
Why blame the tool? Is is FB's fault that people do things they should not?
If you play with fire, you get burned. As simple as that.
But it is so easy an convenient to lay the blame on others....
and a lot of misunderstanding could happen by checking others FB,for example if he has female friends she will start checking them to know if he is cheating her with one of them.
My first proper girlfriend found me on Facebook. Let's just say she's 'filled out a little' since we were 16!!!!
Lol Qhris.. No the weight increase was without the excess baggage
Just did the maths in your post, 2 kids, 1 husband, weighs 3 times as much....are you sure she wasn't just carrying the others?
I ran into my college girlfriend on Orkut once, She has 2 kids, 1 husband and weighs about 3 times what she did back in College.. I don't think we are ever getting back together, lol...
I dont think i will have the same feeling if I meet my teenage crush now!!
WK divorceed me bcos of QL..:(
But I still wish him all the PEST..lol
they actually needed a study to figure this out? DUH!! :P
Not surprising at all.. FB gets more blame because people post with their real names and what you write maybe visible to a friend of a friend as well..
Have to ensure that there is no link between the one you are flirting with and the one you don't want to know that you are flirting :P
In forums like QL, since real names are hidden there may not be that many divorce cases...
Actually another marriage breaker is Friends Reunited. We tend to look fondly back at our earlier days and try to rekindle relationships with sometimes disastrous results...
I wonder where my Cuban Shotputter is now :O(
mj when I was about to type there were no comments....I edited..lol
FS, which comments you waiting for? from MBAs? :P
very true...
‘The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to,’ said Mark Keenan, managing director of Divorce-Online.
so not FB per se but the fact that people nowadays tend to use whatever is between their legs whenever faced with a situation. using one's mind before acting is now extinct.
It's all too easy to utilise the sites to find escape from humdrum daily lives or even partners where the relationship may have gone stale..
Morons. It's so obivious, keep your wife on Facebook and your mistress on Myspace so the two never meet!