Joke of the Day

That damn Chocoholic sneaked up, put a gun to my head and demanded a chocky bar with coconut filling..

I hate Bounty Hunters. :O(

One Saturday morning Britexpat gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs his dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down to the driveway he goes.

Coming out of his garage the rain is pouring down: it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow and sleet mixed in with the rain. The wind is blowing at over 50mph.

Minutes later Brit returns to the garage. He comes back into the house. Turns the TV to the weather channel and he finds it is going to be very bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to Mrs. Britexpat's back, now with a different anticipation and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible". To which she sleepily replies, "Yeah, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in it?"

(Sh... oooops ,did he see me Dracky???:-(

scuba diving the other day when a massive angry fish came along and started chasing her.

She tried to swim hard, but it eventually trapped her by a large boulder.

Poor thing was stuck between a rock and a hard plaice.

Dracula, the rich millionaire, throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.

"I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool."

So the party continues with no events in the pool until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool Whyteknight is swimming as hard as he can and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and WK just keeps on going.

The sharks are gaining on him and WK reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

Drac the millionaire grabs the microphone and says, "I am a man of my word. Anything of mine I will give: my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?"

WK grabs the microphone and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the jerk who pushed me in!"

hahaha britey !

Please keep this to yourself, but the reason that Rizks didn't get married last year :O(

Lucy there are many things tat u still dont know abt me....:(

U f====ked the sheeps.My God...I never knew that you have that big Q- heeeeee heeeeee...honking the horn of truck.lol...lol...must be missing u...heeee heeee

U f====ked the sheeps.My God...I never knew that you have that big Q- heeeeee heeeeee...honking the horn of truck.lol...lol...must be missing u...heeee heeee

My Korean mate was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner.

But someone let the cat out of the bag.

The poem Chocoholic wrote last Christmas..

.

.

It was the night before Christmas and all round my hips

Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.

Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care

In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.

While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps

Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.

When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,

Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.

The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow

Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear

A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!

That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick

I knew in a second that I’d wind up sick.

The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer

I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;

On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS

A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.

From the top of the scales to the top of the hall

Now dash away pounds now dash away all.

Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress

My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.

My droll little mouth and my round little belly,

They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

I spoke not a word but went straight to my work

Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger beside my heartburn

Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.

I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry–

If temptation’s removed I’ll get thin by and by.

And I mumbled again as I turned for the night

In the morning I’ll starve… ’til I take that first bite!

UkEng the wig was Ok, doesnt give the real looks though...:(

you may also try to get one n chek....:)

Rizks how was the wig?

YEs very much Alive and rocking ! :)

Thanks to the jadi bootis (herbal) prepared and given to me by my ancestors...:)

ROFL britey...heheheheh..

buys himself a wig and returns home to start a sheep farm.

He buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls his friend Pajju for advice.

Paaju tells him that he should try artificial insemination. If they get pregnant, they will wallow in the grass.

Rizks doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."

LMAO WK ! hahahahahahaa....

Damn you... You said that you wouldn't tell :O(

Britexpat moved to Canada in old age.. Once he was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin and you've got two choices ... Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Brit decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Brit soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Brit. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Brit thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it took several months before Britexpat finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, "Admit it, Brit, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?

, but I ws talking to Snessy's hubby and she has been dropping subtle hints about what she wants for Christmas.

Saying things like " I want something that feels really silky and smooth", "Hope you get it in my size" and "I want to be able to wear it every day".

Hope she likes the washing-up gloves he bought her.

UKEng consults a therapist and states, “Doc, I’m suicidal. What should I do?”

The doctor replies, “Pay in advance.”

Nice (-_-) One .

LOL poor brit... :P

Nice one Choco.. Where have you been.. Let me guess You the one disguised as the boy in the joke right?

I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas.

Although what the daft bugger wants with an ex box I'll never know.