Avoiding Arguments
One of the greatest obstacles that stands in the way of success is one's own ego. It seems to be in our nature to prove our superiority, point out when others are wrong, and become very defensive when others point out when we are wrong. Constructive debating and talking out a difference of opinion are appropriate at times, but there is never an appropriate time for arguing.
An argument is characterized by the expression of disagreement in which emotions and egos often get in the way of a favorable outcome. It has been estimated that 9 out of 10 arguments end up in a lose-lose situation. Someone once said, "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." Also, even if you think you won the argument by presenting stronger facts, you have lost the good will of those with whom you are arguing. In Benjamin Franklin's autobiography, he had this to say about those who argue, "...these disputing, contradicting, and confuting people are generally unfortunate in their affairs. They get victory sometimes, but they never get good will, which would be of more use to them." The best way to "win" an argument is to avoid it altogether.
The majority of people believe that the best way to win someone to your way of thinking, or get someone to see your point of view is by arguing. In fact, the opposite is true. The moment you contradict another you are putting that person on the defensive, and in an effort to protect his or her own ego, the other person will continue to disagree. Most of the time, they will just convince themselves even more that they are right and you are wrong. The ability to win someone to your way of thinking is an extremely valuable skill to have, but has nothing to do with arguing, contradicting, or proving another to be wrong.
It is without question that arguing does more damage than good. As a successful communicator, knowing when to hold your tongue and show tact is essential. Do you ever find yourself contradicting others to make yourself feel smarter or superior, to convince yourself that you are right, or contradicting just out of plain habit? If so, ask yourself what you really have to gain by doing this. How will you make the other person feel? What will others think of you for publicly delivering a strong blow to another's ego?
There will be times, of course, when others disagree with you and attempt to initiate an argument. It is most important to keep in mind the ultimate goal: to create a win-win situation. Here are some suggestions on how to do just that.
Welcome disagreements.
Success is about keeping an open-mind and remaining flexible. When others disagree with you, they are actually presenting you with other possibilities.
Do not be defensive.
Resist reacting to disagreement and control your temper and emotion. Remember that being defensive of your opinion or belief will only fuel the argument.
Listen.
Many times an upset or angry person just wants to be heard. Do your best not to jump in and "correct" the other person. Let them say what they need to say.
Look for areas of agreement.
How can one argue with you if you agree with them? You do not have to agree with all of their points, but make it known where you do agree with them. This will help build rapport.
Admit to areas of error.
Is anything the other person is arguing true? If you are wrong about anything, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Watch your language.
Use words such as, "I believe", "it is my understanding that", or "I could be wrong, but..." to express your opinion. It is difficult for anyone to argue with your belief.
Thank the other person.
Thank the other person for caring enough to express his or her disagreement. Most people who disagree really do not care enough to make it known. How can one possibly still feel belligerent toward someone who just expressed gratitude for his or her disagreement?
By avoiding arguments, you can avoid getting into potentially explosive situations or avoid saying things you will later regret. Control your emotions and use tact. Do not disagree with others for your own benefit and do your best to avoid arguments by turning them into rational "fact finding" discussions. Do this, and you will build and maintain more successful relationships in your personal and professional life.
source: http://www.yeartosuccess.com/members/y2s/blog/VIEW/00000016/00000192/Avo...
Next tip required.....how to remember and implement all the above tips while having an argument?
Easier said than done.
whenever i argue with my boss, i leave him outright if he doesn't listen to me. i'm such a brat!
i generally argue here on those days when iam upset on an argument with my boss..
tooo long!!!
but still got the point...
n pblm comes wen v argue on things which v know already v r/were wrong.... y cant v just SHUT UP.... LOL i cant do tht...
see you then. :)
gr8...even we will reach after 9 PM there...so wait for me...
ok BnB. I PROMISE to come this time. i'll pm you my number.
we'll come after the 7:30pm mass tom. :) maybe around 9pm. :)
Dont cheat me us the last moment gloomy or else u need to face arguments...lol
Deal BnB! :)
Gloomy- will come if u r there...
snessy... that's why i love argument (with my hubby)!!!
Intimacy and shopping surely comes next! LOL
I heard you're not coming to QBC. :p
How do you kiss and make up if you don't argue?
Arguments are essential when you have to prove a strong point that that is a fact,otherwise it is avoidable.
Gloomy- be at QBC on thursday if u really want to avoid arguments... lol
hey tinker, if i did, that was my mistake...that was before we met..:)
lol Tinku !!
gloomy u too wanna join Us and give a Helping Hand? :)
ok then Rizks, no arguing with you. :p
Tinku u too brutus, dont argue with me...:(
orelse i will tear Pajju's lungi apart ? :(
gloomy dont argue with me....:(
i have a soft and a humbler corner in my heart for ladies...:)
LOL
be proud Rizks! Arguments mostly start from brainy people! :))
i dont argue with pretty girls... the rest i dont care..:)
true enough ruby...
for me, (from now on) i'll try to stay away knowing i am sooooo prone! LOL
is it ? :(
ok m OUT !
Soniya, whenever Rizks is around, argument will definitely start. :p
the best way to lose an arguement is to be dragged there in the first place
Damn, i send it to the wrong person....:(
Ah!! and then the argument starts...lol
go to hell saeedkhan.....:(
Arguments leads to no were....
so no use to argue instead ask the person to STFU....:)
maybe its time to for more people (including me) to give a brighter understanding about arguments. :)
Rizks, you try sometimes. :) its helpful. it will strengthen you lose-thread bolt. :p peace!
i am avoiding these days to read long and lenghthy posts....:(
Gloomy- few people only understand arguments...what to do nw???
gloomy, i tried hard not to argue but never succeed in it..though my arguments were never baseless..i do when i see there is strong reason behind it..
Hope to get control over my anger soon which could minimize the arguments..:))
i might be applying those points next time. :p
TFS