Maid's husband to visit @ our house - normal?

The prospective maid was asking for her husband to stay one night/week. I've pretty much decided that I just don't feel comfortable with the idea.

I told her friend (the one who recommended her) that I wouldn't feel comfortable with her husband coming but if she was still interested in working for me knowing that her husband would *not* be allowed then we could talk about the job.

supernurse - no, it wasn't the same person. THANK GOODNESS!!! I was very worried!

I do like the concept of paying for a hotel once/month, but in practice I don't like the thought that she might get pregnant, might start asking for more hotel freebies, etc.

At this point I'm hoping that she isn't still interested in the position!

Expat Sueño

ei, be human and considerate, treat ur housemaids well, and they would repay you back with goodness and sincerity.

"respect begets respect, love begets love...u"

"If you don't want my apples, don't shake my tree"

In the interest of both your family's and the maid's safety & peace of mind, I would suggest

1. to confirm they are husband and wife,

2. if her husband lives in doha, they should spend the night at his place, not at yours.

That's just my opinion though. I wouldn't allow a stranger to stay overnight at my house (unless it was some sort of crazy emergency).

No you are wrong, and many many things have happened in these cases - maids being under the influence and shouting and arguing. It is much better to protect the family from such an intrusion.

Mmmm do you really want a couple of strangers shagging in your house every night? Who pays for the husbands food that what I want to know!!

Of course, expat sueno need to know the husband before allowing him for a conjugal visit. You just don't allow anybody, but this is specific request, maid is aking for her husband. Of course if it is only a boyfriend, it's another story. Why are you all so afraid? It's good to be cautious but not unreasonable!!!!!!! Be positive!!!

"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"

In my opinion this is not advisable, not that they shouldn't spend time together if they are married but not on your premises and she may get pregant during this time and then you will have to carry the consequences of having a pregnant maid.

It has nothing to do with slavery, but is has a lot to do with consequences and if you are not there in your home, you do not know what will happen in your absence.I do have experience with husband/wife relationships on the premises and it ends up in a mess be sure.

You are in charge and you have to decide what you ocan tolerate in you home.

My ex maid had a husband that she entertained in her room all day on a Friday....I have to say that it made me cringe to think about what they were doing under my roof. to have him stay full time though, who pays for his food and keep? Sounds like a cushy number to me!

I would never allow this. I won't allow a man a don't know to spend the night in my house, no way.

What rule are you mentioning to Kamal???

Ihet.. which law stops a husband entering his wife's room?

______________________________________________

Every society is judged by how

it treats it's least fortunates.

Be prepared to answer a lot of Questions from the Police if somebody make a report after seen him entering her room. Just a friendly advice.

Would suggest a few steps to be taken first...

1. Seek their marriage certificate

2. Have a photograph of the husband

Since u don't have a problem having the maid leave to her hubby's place over the weekend, it would be better to conti. with tht norm.

Did she request u 2 have her hubby over on de weekend?

for doing a good job...If they really married they can stay hotel...There are some cheaper hotels in town...

You can't teach experience...

i haven't been in this situation... but just my opinion.. NOPE, would not let her husband stay over the weekend..she got a day off, she can spend it with her husband's place... not from my place..

[img_assist|nid=12867|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

If he is her legal husband with proper papers to produce, why not. Please do.. They are the less fortunates who do not have the luck to live together on a daily basis..

If you can give them atleast one day a week for the two to be together, it will be gr8 of you. cheers

______________________________________________

Every society is judged by how

it treats it's least fortunates.

has a husband working here also in Doha and is living in a labor camp. Come to think of it, if you treat your maid justly, and if you talk to her husband directly, I don't think all the "cautious' suggestion by others will bother you. You still have the first action if you smell some silly thing from the beginning.

If you can't trust your instinct and decide decisively, you won't get a maid. The risk is always there. If you are leaving in a compound, security in the gate is an added peace in your mind! I would go for allowing the husband to visit.

"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"

Yes, she's married and looking for somewhere to live with her husband, atleast that was her excuse! Yikes!

Honestly I don't know and hadn't even thought about it? Is "d" married? A maid that I like a lot on the compound approached me with the info on this woman, so now I'm wondering if it is her. She sounds great (as did "d") but I haven't met her yet. . .here we go again!!!

FYI- In most countries statistics show that most adults that become "playmates" with children are either fathers, family friends or the sports coach!

I think it is your decision and its a careful one you have to make. is there a reason why her husband should come to her place for the nite? Why can't she go there?

I am always excited to go to sleep! In anticipation of the new experience I will find awaiting me.

Expat..its not you know who is it???

yes my indonesian maid have a very good maid, she took her with them when they move to rumania :)

Yes when you find a good maid of course you will want to keep her for yourself.

True Alexa, Qatar is a completely different planet :-)

Too bad we hardly ever get to hear about the fabulous maids.

So Expat Sueno, you're not a newbie after all and you have the experience to know how to set limits :-)

There are millions of maid horror stories, but just for the record, I did know one family who lived here for several years in a situation like yours. They let the husband come for visits and never had any problems with it.

The search continues. . .

xoxo

oh well expat, all the best with your maid searching ! xxx

that they are legally married to avoid any inconvenience, i guess its alright but, you need to set your limits.

Hear hear Expat Sueno ...

A friend of mine left her maid for 1 month hols, when she came back, the neighbour reporting that all sorts cars been stopping in her place during the time they are away.

Later on she found out she been doing an 'extra service' and in the end she sent the maid home.

This maid have a degree a civil engineer back in her home country.

she bought her maid to my house once for coffee morning, and this maid ended up pestering my friends asking for a job saying that her current employer treat her badly (which obviously lies).

In Argentina our part-time maid frequently borrowed money from us. She always paid us back, but we finally put a stop to it when she became involved in a crazy pyramid scheme (she called it a "savings account" whereby each person put in $x per week and each week one person would take home all the money. We tried to explain to her that this was bogus, but she wouldn't listen; I don't know if she ever got hosed or not.

Our nanny in Texas really was as much a part of the family as an employee could be. There was definitely an employee/employer line - sometimes spoken, sometimes not - but we adored her. When we knew we were leaving I spent months advertising and interviewing to find the perfect family for her to work for. . .her current employer is as in love with her as we are.

I guess that's what I'm hoping/searching for. . .I want another Lupe :)

But it's not uncommon for maids to have strange guys over, WITHOUT permission.

My in-laws had a maid deported for this.

lol, good point, though "Negative" wasn't my word!

Glad you're able to share your experience with others Alexa.

What's all that "colonial" style attitude? A maid is a full grown human with all rights that you have. And if she is nice, I mean, if I chose her, she will surely become a part of my family! (Maybe my wife won't like it, though).

Expat sueno, if i were you, i wont be comfortable leaving the maid in the house with your 2 young kiddies knowing there is a strange man staying over.

Good evening Tallg ! sharing is caring :P

Maid will be never be part of the family ! it will never work like that.

Looks like everyone is "Mr. Negative" tonight!

I need to go with my gut. She may be a fabulous housemaid, but if the situation will make me uneasy then it's just not worth it.

I'm just so desperate for a housemaid. . .sigh. . .if you hear of anyone who speaks English well, has experience with kids and likes dogs (ours is only 13 kilos) please let me know. . .we're willing to sponsor and we'll pay well. (I am hearing my Inbox fill up with "gd evning madam" messages as I type - haha!)

Cheers. . .and many thanks!

Expat Sueño

expat sueno, never have a full time maid myself. But if i were you I wont let the husband to stay over night in your house for obvious reason.

As Alexa pointing out, your future maid can see you are a newbie in hiring a full time maid. So she will try all her best to 'get it out' from you.

And yes be ready with all the 'sickies relatives' stories. It is a very common thing here.

I knows you in person , i know you will treat the maid fairly.

Ignore all the silly comments on this board and you will be fine :)

Plus she's making the choice to live-in with you rather than commute. So if she wants to see her husband that badly she will have to re-think her decision.

Expat, you seem uneasy with the descison to allow hubby to sleep overnight, go with your gut instinct. Dont feel guilty. Im sure you are a fair employer(otherwise you wouldnt be asking this question in the first place). Your first priority is the potential safety of your kids. Look at it this way, shes an employee and we wouldnt ask our employers if we can bring our partners to work, given that you will be giving her time off to do whatever she likes, she can surely go to hubby and do whatever she wants there. she can either agree to the conditions or find a family that doesnt have a problem with sleep overs.

I guess that is what I'm asking. I want our housemaid to be part of our family, much as our nanny was in Texas. . .but not if it means potentially jeopardizing our privacy and security in a big way.

You don't control her, and I don't think you're seeking to.

You control her when she's at work, and she's free to do what she wants on her day off.

However, you do control your house. You are well within your rights to contol who comes and goes from your house 24/7.

If your question is really asking 'am I a bad person if I don't let her husband visit' then my answer would be 'no'.

If she wants to spend time with her husband, she can visit him, or stay in a hotel. Your under no obligation to allow him into your home, especially to stay overnight.

I actually declined one housemaid in part because she was positively gorgeous. I would not worried about my husband, but I *would* definitely be worried about the dozens of workers guards in our compound.

I will definitely want to meet the husband before making my decision, because to me it would really be a "package deal".

The idea of one "known" husband vs. multiple unknown guys does have it's benefits - no doubt about it!

To me, this would be one of the "pro's" of hiring her.

Would much rather hire the married girl and allow her husband to visit, than hire a single girl and take the chance of her sneaking strange guys in and out of there.

No, she would not be a slave. But it is our house and she would be our employee. I have no desire to "control" her, but I do have a say in things that could impact our family in a big way. If her husband decides that he likes my little kids or their playmates a bit too much then that is going to be a big problem, to say the least.

I don't know (yet) what her current arrangement (or that of her husband) is for housing , but she would be making a *choice* to live here rather than to commute from the home she presumably shares with her husband to another job.

So, yeah, I have a right to decide whether or not her husband will be able to come over and stay a night. . .and she has a right to decline the job if my decision doesn't work for her.

I'm simply trying to get a handle on whether or not what she is asking for is the norm. . .and how others with similar situations have handled it.

Is it possible for me to say anything without upsetting you Vegas?

agree with tallg and mandilur..

As tallg says, it is your house and you are perfectly within your rights to decide who has access to it. If you decide before you hire this person then she has the freedom to decide whether or not to work for you under these circumstances. Seems fair to me.

Mandi

I wouldn't.

If he was under my sponsorship and he worked for me, then fine. But him visiting her over the weekends - I wouldn't allow any strange man into my back yard.

My opinion.

You can't teach experience...

It's your house, so it's up to you. If you have any reservations about it then best to say no.

I can't believe your even asking about this...

She is not your slave...She is married...

For the love of God pull your head out your azz...

You will have the most productive maid in Doha for sure...

You can't teach experience...

...as long as they dont do PDA infront of ur kids, i think, there is no problem...

...and be sure, they have the "legal paper"...

*winks*

"never allow somebody to be ur priority when u r just his/her option"

just make sure you see their marriage certificate so there can be no legal objection. then, if it doesn't bother you.. no problem

There should b no prob if he is her real husband n if she cares of ur kids properly n yr kids having no negetive effect .....