a wife's grief
hellO! i am writing simply because i need a serious advice. i am married to a muslim expat. so many years have passed i have sacrificed a lot and in fairness, i know he too did sacrifed a lot to keep our marriage. we've got kids.
now it came to point, we both know our marriage isn't worth saving, not for us nor for the kids. primary problem that we can't deny the fact that i couldn't embrace his religion, i thought we had an agreement prior to our union that he may practice his religion and i too may practice mine. well, this isn't happening anymore. i feel pressured and violated coz i am no longer allowed to do those things. he expects me to embrace his religion which i feel forced to do so, and to be somebody whom i can never be. the kids are confused and very much affected and there are lots of issues as to why we think we should go on our separate lives. that way, we will both redeem self-respect, we may be better off friends for the sake of our kids.
my prob are, i heard of talaq but i'm not quite sure what my rights are. can a wife married to a muslim, initiate divorce even outside qatar in case i leave? what are my rights as a wife?
I was under the impression that one has to learn to read Quran and the general muslim etiquette (hijab and namaz...) to get married to a muslim. Apparently I was wrong, or may be I misinterpret what hjolie has to say.
Please tell your husband that his religion tells him not to force people to become a muslim against their will. You have to make that decision yourself. He previously agreed for you to follow your religion so therefore he cannot change his mind to suit himself, if he wanted a muslim wife he should have married a muslim.
The title of the subject is in the Quran so he should know this as islamic law. Do not let him make you do otherwise. Dont mix up between religion and culture (if you are both from different ethnic backgrounds)However the decision of divorce is not easy and you should think of the children before you think of each other.
I hope this information is of help to you.
Love sick and marital problems have no cure..you can't go to pharmacy to buy the healing medicine.....use your wisdom and judgements..and always consult with others...don't took matter into your own hand...!!!
Wish you every success on your next move.
hjolie. I am sorry but somehow your posts do not have a ring of truth and it does not sound like a woman talking. More like someone who is trying to vent his anger towards some of the answers to threads that have been posted in the past with which you do not seem to agree and somehow want to talk about. We here at QL are always ready to help genuine cases, but will not waste our time on the dubious ones.
The adhaan just went and I will do my prayers and be happy about the things I have, do and know. May Allah guide you.
Aisha-Taweela
thanks PM!
mahr is the dowry, right? well my family rejected his family's dowry...as for the late dowry, i don't need it either, he needs it more than i do. i can support myself and my kids. we just want to go on separate ways settling this peacefully. what matters is for me to get my kids, full custody. we got married here in an islamic court which is not valid in my country.
is it possible for us to formally divorce without waiting for 3rd talaq??? i heard from others that the husband can ANYTIME divorce the wife...but the wife needs to justify the reasons and needs more than one witness to divorce the husband??? if this is true, then it's unfair and sexist. why in this part of the world, men get special treatment over women??? i thought sexist happens only at work, y'know men get all the allowances the company has to offer but women only get basic salary sort of stuff....
guess i was wrong...even in marriage this unfairness happens and why does the husband have more rights over the kids? coz of religion? well, in my country the wife gets the custody of the kids regardless of the religion esp when the kids are minors. fact is, generally speaking, women are more concerned to the children's welfare compared to men who may and could easily find another partner in matter of weeks! and excuse me for stating the fact, i know for sure most arab men enjoy going out with friends and seldom go out with their wife and kids...just take a look around the malls and you'll see these people everywhere, observe those men flashing their luxury cars all over the city, driving with no other than his friends, @ starbucks, costa name it, you'll see them there sitting, sipping and chatting as if singles...of course not all, but most of them, now that's reality.
That looks like some kind of improvement then, PM.
In other words, the devotion of a mother, the care-taking of a wife and a house wife has no financial value. "She must return her mahr and also repay what he spent during the marriage if he requests it." In Germany the law assigns a value in Euro to the work of a house wife and mother. Currently it is around 1.200 Euro = 7.000 QR.
Voila! Problem solved! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Yes its gin time Hic!
why the hell did u change your religion?for you to be able to marry him?he's the man of course he'll be expecting you to do that since you are his wife.or maybe you just fall out of love...well...
Try to sovle every prob with ur huby else ur children will get effected very sooon.
hjolie, ask yourself what are you looking for in a marriage? Love, lust,wealth,...... what??? Once a marriage is bonded you must be well aware of your commitments to a religion you'll be embracing, the culture and responsibilities. If your answer towards any marriage is YES to the above, then you've made a grave mistake in life. You do not change religion/faith as you change clothings/partners. You do it for life. Rest be assured, whatever faith/religion you are in, NEVER EVER turn your back against it as it will only cause you more harm 'spiritually' than good. In Islam there are no two religions in a family. Therefore my advise, be patient and adapt well to your present religion and Insya Allah you'll be a better person now and in afterlife.
Were you married in the Philippines? if so, there is no divorce in our country, otherwise you have to file for Annulment. Pressure to practice religion is a definite ground for annulment and justifiable. If you embraced Islam prior to marriage, that's another story. If you were forced to convert prior to marriage, then again that's another justification for annulment. You can file a divorce on their embassy, and it will be valid only in his country. if you go back to PH, you need to get it annulled.
hope it helps.
It's not because things are difficult that we don't dare, it's because we don't dare that makes things difficult!
what other questions? ok 1lmost 10years in doha, i'm fil, my kids were born here and are ph passport holders. i've just read some from kat's ordeal, my kids' passports are with me..it's not like he's holding us like prisoners or something...i meant prisoners earlier coz i can't even have my freedom to practice my religion, i'm not wearing abaya but he's making such a big issue over each petty things...that kind of thinking..jealous of nothing, i can't go out without the maid, my clothes always an issue, i can't decorate my house coz so many "haram"....so many things...
the biggest issue is, my faith, my kids, ehich school they have to go and all...earlier it wasn't like that, i mean not that much coz they weren't studying yet...now everything comes out and is clear...
you did not answer the other questions,.. that's why they dont believe you...
http://www.qatarliving.com/node/207952
2 kids
why how many kids you got?
really? where's that thread???
i jsut wna peace of mind...he'll be free and i'm free, seeing us both not hurting each other almost everyday would dfntly give our kids a BIG relief...
where u from and how long have you been here?
yup from ph..been married for almost 7yrs trying to see if something along the way would change....i've had enough...i tried my best but it seems not really working...i think it's just best to nullify our union...instead of fooling ourselves for another 20-35 years?? like prisoners of war y'know that feeling and all...
check out the thread kat posted earlier, they gave lots of good advices there... :)
I like your style, too. You are so gentle and peaceful, hjolie.
advice is all i ask..i'm troubled yet here you are magic badmouthing me just for an honest mistake???
if you don't have somethin good to share, then cut it out!
that was a bad mistake, hjolie. How do you expect us to believe you anymore?
are u really from the philippines?
magic, sorry i am female...guess t'was a mistake...wait i have to edit it....
hmm,now im confused....
Obviously you try to f*ck us here, because you are a male as your profile says. Idiot.
another version of Kat on the prowl.