Trying to get out of Qatar

antoniao, her husband doesn't hold anyone as a hostage here. He is legally married and he has full rights to keep his daughter with him. Reporting him to police will give NOTHING!

Kat, if I were you, I wouldn’t trust your husband's ONE WORD. If you want to keep at least your two sons, never go with them to his apartment. You can agree to meet him anywhere in the public place and discuss your issues at the public place only!

What I can see, the most acceptable scenario is to go back home with your two sons and try to fight from US. Although, sadly I don’t think you have a good chance to win. Or at least it might take years and years…

But again, do not stay with your husband in a private place! I wouldn’t trust him! No way!

Being married for few years, you should know how sweet they talk and how hurtful they act!

Are you both American? Noboby can hold another person hostage not even in Qatar.

Sounds to me like you r having other issues here. Maybe you don't like Qatar. You need to get with a lawyer and get some good advice and I will advice you to report your husband to the police.

It is not as bad as you think it is with the courts. Sharia law is very considerate of all parties in a divorce.

"Men are like chocolates, wait too long and only the nutty ones are left!!!"

Kat, sorry to hear your predicament...U have to follow the law of the land....everybody is bound by rules...

If they say you cannot leave with your daughter...that's the rule...take it or leave it...you cannot alter anything...I know it's hard to accept... wish you all the best!!!

I read the state dept link too and really a majority of it does not apply to you as you are both Americans. The majority of the info on that page is if one of the parents' are Qatari. I think you should follow Mis-Cat's advice and go back to your husband's apartment, find that passport and then get out of there while he is at work.

Thank you for your help though..

The only thing I can think of at the moment is to take off..

Maybe try to apply for a lost passport and pray to the Gods I don't need his signature.

Maybe if I'm a good girl he will eventually take us on vacation where I can grab her passport

Mis Cat I wish my husband was that dumb.

He will not have the passport in the house.

Since you've only been here less than a month you'll still only be on a visit visa, which means you don't need an exit permit to leave.

"Your born, You Live, You Die, given this premise, one can conclude since we have no control over when we are born and when we die, the only thing that matters to us should be how we live, simple really?" Mis-Cat to her philosophy Lecturer.

After reading the link and all other available info your situation is fixable, but does require you to be strong,it will also proberbly require you to return to him even if it's just for a week, you need to find out were he is holdng our daughters passport, get that grab your daughter and your other kids and get the first available flight outta doha take only what you need back to the states doesn't matter were to in the states just get home there is a flight at 12:15pm to Washington I think this is probably the best as he'll be at work, once there apply straight away for temporary custody in your home state preferably were the children resided for most of their lives, the good thing about this is once this is done and your granted custody the states has an obligation to the Hague treaty regarding child abduction by parents, the best part about it is since Qatar is not part of this treaty even if he files his case before yours here in Qatar The States is under no obligation to honor it even if it is granted to him here, they will however honor any custody given in the states, that includes if he comes and tries to take them to another state or out of the country you CAN have him arrested on kidnapping charges.

"Your born, You Live, You Die, given this premise, one can conclude since we have no control over when we are born and when we die, the only thing that matters to us should be how we live, simple really?" Mis-Cat to her philosophy Lecturer.

Thank everyone for telling me I had cheek on the other thread

You know the one the moderator feels is not relevant to women planning on coming over to this country

Seems to me no one actually clicked on the link provided in the topic.

I was only quoting exactly what the US embassy has written about child custody in Qatar

[mod note: The link you provided was good and worthy of a forum topic. But the thread was locked when you started commenting about your own situation, which is already being discussed in this thread]

The US does not grant custody of children living abroad. They leave that up to the Qatar courts to deal with

i.e once I leave I will lose her forever

The US embassy will not return the passports of my children without the consent of my husband if they believe I will leave the country without his permission.

First of all Surrender Yours and your sons Passports to the embassy, once you do this he can not obtain them as they are the property of the US government a little known fact that most expats forget when they travel no one can legally hold your passport, not even the police of that country they are to surrender it to the embassy of issue for holding until such times as the person is to be released or returns to their country. Next thing to do is calm down I know it is hard given the circumstances, but ranting and raving like a lunatic at people who are trying to help you is not the answer, stop and think.

You do as a female have rights here as said before the Sharia court will only be involved if the case starts here so best you jump the gun so to speak and start the divorce proceedings and child custody through the courts in the US also file for temporary custody of all the children straight away once this is granted you have the right to go to the embassy and ask for there assistance in getting your daughter and her passport back, once you are granted temporary custody and given that the divorce and custody battle is to be presided over in the US you can leave and there is not a thing he can do to stop you, in fact if he does you can have him arrested, this will also mean that he will have to return to the states for the judgments or risk them being done in absentia which works more in your favour also, as judgments made in absentia never go well for the person not there. I would divorce him on the grounds of piligomy if what you are trying to tell us is true and that he is about to take up a second wife, this always goes down well and gives you a better ground to fight on.

"Your born, You Live, You Die, given this premise, one can conclude since we have no control over when we are born and when we die, the only thing that matters to us should be how we live, simple really?" Mis-Cat to her philosophy Lecturer.

Firstly need you need to get good sleep to

a) look after your children

b) tackle this situation

whether you stay or leave you need to find ways to communicate with your husband.

Women do have rights here just in a different way to the West.

you need to establish what your rights are...do this by reading the posts and maybe contacting a lawyer.

PM and Aisha gave good advice

If you weren't married here then divorce in Qatar can be a long and arduous process.

you all are crazy. Here is one person who is taking everyone for a ride. It was fun reading the posts.

He has refused any further contact and said I must have my bags packed and ready to go where he will pick me up on his own time after work.

Thank you Kenya queen and mandi for being so helpful and understanding.

Truly my cursing was not to offend anyone. I am just having a nervous breakdown at the moment.

I will try to get in contact with the embassy again in order to retain a lawyer.

My husband finally answered a phone call.

He has said that unless he will only talk with me if he picks me up and returns to that apartment. And I am scared he will try to take my other two children when that happens.

I don't know what to do???

I want to work this out but I am so scared of going with him because I don't know what he is capable of doing to me.

I don't even smoke and for the past 2 days I have been smoking like a chimney and crying non stop. I have literally had no more than 2 hours sleep a night because of all this

you read mandilular post very carefully there is very informative information in it.

I am always excited to go to sleep! In anticipation of the new experience I will find awaiting me.

is being said is, no employer wants trouble between spouses in the work place. Your husband is at risk of getting fired if you constantly call his employment, show up there a couple of times a week, pick an argument with him make it about money and feeding the children- make sure it is in front of other people and doing it in front of the boss while there is guest in his place of employment is even better. You must not do this every day as they may charge you for harassment, phoning a couple of times a week and leaving a message for him as well might help do the trick, be creative with the messages though so that you can draw sympathy from the employees that take the message. This should get him fired in no time and then abra cadabra the company is paying your fare back to the states, thus leaving his second non-american wife behind and somewhat in the same position as you, of course she may not deserve it but at least she will have a future idea and also she will have an idea of how you feel. And listen I just want you to know I don't care about you swearing cause I can understand your anguish and these are only words, as long as they are not directed at someone personal.

Good Luck!

I am always excited to go to sleep! In anticipation of the new experience I will find awaiting me.

Oh, dear, this was not how I was going to introduce myself to QL, but your plight, Kattrapped, has moved me to respond as best I can. I think we can perhaps sort out a couple of issues here that have gotten tangled. I know it's overwhelming to arrive in a new country and feel absolutely alone and confused - we've all been there! Qatar is not an easy place to negotiate, especially at first. So, take a deep breath, dear, and let's get started. For the short term let's not use the word custody. You are married, it's not applicable. Custody is what happens during the legal process of separation and divorce and you are not there yet. You have three minor children and two are physically with you and one is with your husband. You hold your passport and the passports of the two children with you. I believe that you can leave anytime with the two children. You and the children are not employees, the only persons who need exit visas from Qatar are employees! Please understand that this would NOT be true in the US. The airlines in the US require that if only one parent is flying with a child the other parent has to sign a notarized letter before the airline will carry them to a foreign destination. The issue therefore becomes your daughter. Your husband will not allow you to take her and her passport. Since you are married there is no issue of custody, here or in the US. He is within his rights as a married parent to have her staying with him as you are able to have your sons in the hotel with you. If it were to come to a legal separation, temporary restraining order or divorce, there would be a court determination of custody. What we have here is a marital squabble, not an abrogation of any civil rights. None of the rights that you would have in the US have been taken from you here. I do understand that might change if your husband were to pursue a divorce here in Qatar. That is why you need to seek legal advice. You were married in the US, you and your husband and children are US citizens, you therefore call a US attorney for counsel. Please don't believe all your husband's threats about his being a Muslim giving him the right to beat you, etc. You do need to know the real facts. I am truly sorry this is happening to you. I know you are frightened and angry and feeling lost and alone. I believe that the embassy can help you contact an attorney, but you must be clear about what your needs and priorities are. Ask your family at home to help. Try to speak kindly to your husband (I know, I know.)This isn't forever, your husband may have grandiose ideas about staying in Qatar permanently but we all must go home when the job is up! Far be it from me to suggest anything, but if he is let go by the company they will send him (and all of you) home promptly. Good luck, pobrecita. Mandi

Yes genesis that is what I heard as well.

And I just read on an expat website that the UK goverment will not grant custody of the expat children living in dubai. They only consider children living in the UK.

I am sure that would be the case in Qatar too.

And if I stay I could risk losing my other two if I battle it out in Qatari courts. Because even if they grant custody to the wife they will not allow the children to travel outside the country of the father

So much for all the rest of the advice about getting an exit visa through the company!

I can relate to your situation kat. Just a week ago i received a personal call from the wife of one of our engineers who's a candadian Muslim. She claimed that her husband canceled her visa & came back to Qatar with her elder son and she just came to know about it while she was preparing to get back to Qatar. Our organization can't interfere in her situation because it's domestic nor can i speak to him as it's not affecting his performance. You have to act fast as unfortunately the judicial system here rule out on the husband favor on most cases.

Seems like I'm not the only one

But thanks everyone for your help and support

http://www.qatarliving.com/discussion/experience-in-getting-divorce-in-qatar-17dec2006

and the 2 best person to help you (PM and AISHA) lost interest already...

You obviously hate QATAR as soon as you landed and nothing would change what you believe coz you already closed your mind that the place is no haven for married women like you.

I don't know where you got your information but it's not true....and unless you really need our ADVISE/HELP, watch (wash) your words please....

and i totally disagree with you ..

us women have all the rights that we need. no man can starve, beat, or mistreat us .. there are laws here .. you are not in a jungle miss. you are in Qatar!

When I first arrived he didn't even look at me or greet me! He just gave my son a kiss and grabbed him. I almost felt he was trying to leave me at the airport because he started walking so fast.

He told me (before I came) how great it was here and that he found an awesome apartment for me. (we have a nice house back home). And I walk in and the place was something out of the brooklyn housing projects.

I told him I can't live in that type of place. And asked him why didn't he tell me what it was like? Why did he lie to me?

Thats when he told me that he can do whatever the hell he wants because over her I have no rights. And that I'm his wife and have to be OBEDIENT

We got in a huge fight and I told him to take me to a hotel because their is no way in hell I am staying in a house with bugs. Oh yeah thats right the place was infested with ROACHES. It was worse then the brooklyn housing projects.

He started yelling at me in face and telling me I was a manipulative biyatch and that in a muslim country I have to live and OBEY him. He got in my face!

I called up and found a hotel myself. And he has refused to answer my phone calls. When he does he yells at me and says that he will only talk to me if I go back to the apartment.

I have been advised not to do so by the embassy because he could snatch my other two children away from me and disappear.

Yeah I have been here for two days but no way in hell can I even think about going back to him and working this situation out.

I told him that I will stay back home and wait for him to return because I cannot stay in Qatar. WOMEN DO NOT HAVE RIGHTS HERE!

It is dangerous for me to stay. He can beat me, marry a second wife, ignore me, even starve me

And if I call the police what are they going to do? Tell me to get a lawyer with no money and divorce him

But oh yeah muslim men have priority over the kids

So yeah I am freaking the phuck out now

If you were in my situation wouldn't you be freaking out too?

You don't need "arguments" to prove the inequality if you take this case seriously what you obviously do.

I am sorry

I am panicking.

Listen he said he doesn't want to go back home

I'm not staying a the housing projects because my husband chooses to take care of me the way he wishes. And I am sure the hell not going to stay here so he can take away my other two babies.

Give him a chance? After he lied and manipulated me into coming in the first place. Oh yeah he sure did paint a rosy picture of Qatar and our life together. What he didn't tell me is that he would let me know he doesn't plan on leaving and that he's going to treat me anyway he pleases regardless

I am sad to see your answer and your foul language continuing. Obviously you do not want any help or you would understand my post. Also to call me a Biyatch wont help. Dont shoot the messenger! Obviously you are in trouble because of your own doing. Do you know how I know this? From your answer to my post. Well girl. I am sorry to say but it looks to me you dont deserve any help!

Aisha-Taweela

I understand you may be panicking, but skim reading then retaliating like that for no reason isn't goinh to help!

Edit cuz I am just overly pissed off right now

Listen to me. Is you husband Qatari? If not why do you think the courts here would grant him immediate custody? They would not get involved. They tend to grant custody to mothers in the case of young children. Even if he marries another wife. Why would you want to leave after just having been here 2 days? What kind of visa are you on? If you are on a visit visa you would not need an exit permit. Who did you & the kids arrive with? Together with your husband?

I think you should be a bit more clear & open about your situation and tell everything from beginning to end before any of us can give you any help what so ever. Also dont get any preconcieved ideas about the law here. It is not as bad as yo make it sound. Maybe your husband is trying to scare you and giving you a lot of BS.

Aisha-Taweela

U've been here only two days!!

Just bcoz ur husband said u cant leave u're all hyper, is he getting citizenship or what?. sort it out peacefully. Seems like u're having other issues u're not mentioning. If he's holding u against ur will, go to the police, he cant do anything to u. As far as i knw u and the kids dont need an exit permit as ure not working.

But I love her

I can't leave my baby

Thank you PM. Different rights means no equal right. Thank you so much.

They were glad to meet you also. You are welcome anytime.

===================================== http://www.qatarliving.com/node/58409

As PM said, you're best bet is to leave and fight the case on your home soil whilst looking after the other two!

I want to hear it QT. Because it's been hidden all the time.

it is a wrong translation. I cannot find the correct word.

What happens in this case, she will forget about her dues/rights and release herself and obviously you. ===================================== http://www.qatarliving.com/node/58409

...given the tone on QL recently!

But you're braver than me so ...

...maybe not if you're looking to stay up all night!

:)

Please send me the numbers!

I will contact the embassy too

And what do you mean.. I will have to come to terms with??

Are you saying I might never see my daughter again?

How could any mother cope with losing a child?

Uh, PM, women have less rights then in Islam? Do I see that correctly?

What you mean with "disown"? She never "owned" me anyway, nor do I "own" her.

But she has to loose her rights and sort of disown you

===================================== http://www.qatarliving.com/node/58409

Help, my wife converted to Islam and said "talaq" to me. What can I do??

PM, What if she converts and says "talaq" to me?

Do you think if I go back home I can fight for custody and Qatar will honour that decision?

Even if I have to leave my daughter in order to do it

What if she converts and says "talaq" to me?

I love the Muslims, PM. You know it was a real big problem to get my first divorce in Germany. Lots of money, lots of tears, and so.

It is a prescribtion for those who want to get drunk without having alcoholic drink

===================================== http://www.qatarliving.com/node/58409

I don't give a crap if he divorces me

I just care that we have equal custody of the children and I can raise them in the country they were born in

i'm confused....I'm outta here....

So you guys are saying he can't do this to me?

I can get a lawyer and get out of the country?

but how long will this take and where am I supposed to phucking live?

Correct Azilana

Accept my husband is a muslim

I have 3 children

I can get money from my family to purchase the tickets

So are you saying that he cannot legally divorce me in Qatar?

But he can marry a second wife, take my children away from me, keep me in any condition that is normal for expats to live out here?

I looked it up and so far what I heard is that the courts here will favor a muslim father because they feel it is better to keep the kids here rather then the a non muslim country! I don't know how true it is though?

- you're living in a hotel now

- you have 2 kids (a son and a daughter)

- you have your son's passport but not your daughter's

- you are not schooled / educated (yet you speak GOOD ENGLISH)

- you're AMERICAN and your husband is, too

- you speak of Shariah but you're not Muslims

MD is right...something here just don't fit it...hmmmm

Now it's getting interesting for me. If I convert to Islam I can divorce my wife through Sharia although I will still be married to her in Germany because they don't accept the Sharia????????????????? Guys, please help me.

i dont think he wants to be separated from his children either.

what could possibly be so wrong in this situation?

1. take the two kids and leave.

2. stay with all three.

3. kill yourself? - could that even be an option and leave them all without a mom? i don't think so.

4. try to solve the problem? - maybe?

If you married in the US you cannot and he cannot divorce through a Sharia court. They have no legal right to do this. Full Stop.

My husband is a muslim

please people

you are expats and I need your help. I am in a crisis right now! I went to the embassy and they "do not get involved in domestic issues"

It doesn't phucking matter how long he wants to stay. I want to leave right now! With all my children!

If I stay any longer he is going to keep the other two and file for divorce here. And I will not be able to leave this phucking country unless I kill myself.

This is absolute bullsh*t. I have to file divorce in Germany if I wanted to divorce. We are married legally in Germany, no where else!

When in the US, you are punished under whatever law they practice.

I think it is normal.

You came here with your husband and children to see how living here would feel like, then he told you that he was never going back? or he was staying here for a year.

What's the problem with you living in Qatar for a year? Why wouldn't you want to be with your Husband and Children in the same country?

Have you been having marital problems? If so, why did you come in the first place?

Too many questions to put the puzzle together.

May Allah help you.

They will not issue a passport without the fathers permission for my daughter.

"The embassy said that even as expatriates we must follow the shariah law of Qatar."

That's the best joke I heard so far tonight. Lol.

Listen I am not staying here where men can divorce his wife at a drop of a hat and gain custody of my kids.

The embassy said that even as expats we must follow the shariah law of Qatar.

Then why don't you kill him in self defense?

Well he is under sponsorship then and that limits what he can do here.

Register the baby

Get a passport

go to employer

get exit visa

go home

He is american

Is your husband Qatari?

You can still study here....if that is the only reason.

Isn't it a bit early to go back to school since you're only between 26 - 35 years old? (According to your profile).

Oryx we were only supposed to be here for a year

I don't have an education and my wish has always been that I can return home in order to go back to school. He told me this trip was only so he could see what it was like to live in the ME

When I got off the plane he told me straight that we will not be returning home

I'm phucked if I stay

what nationality is your husband??

but can't you register at your embassy and get a passport for her???

Hard to believe. I think I don't believe you.

if he wanted to come to an agreement then we would have made one by now

Okay.. So your saying I can go to his employer and they can issue me an exit visa

And I can travel on that visa? Even though I don't have a passport for her?

Kat - did you not work all that out before you came here?

Thats why I find 'not without my daughter' very anti-ME propaganda...

I dont know the facts and I dont know what is going on...I hope you can work this out...

maybe a mediator??

In my country I can live wherever the hell I want and file for a divorce

right now I am living in a hotel

Please I am new to Qatar

I need your help

My children need your help

Are you in his home now? He must be a nice guy to allow writing all this.

For the kids as well?

I am sorry did you say I can get an exit visa from his employer?

I do not want to live in a country that does not grant rights to women. Where I am completely dependent on my husband to ascertain what he thinks is the best type of place to live or what I shouldn't and should do. And if I choose to divorce him due to family problems he will have custody of all my children.

Right now I have a choice to leave with 2 kids and myself. Only if I leave now!

But it is killing me that I will also have to leave my daughter!

You need to contact a lawyer. There is a list of lawyers in Marhaba.

The wife is under the sponsorship of the husband..I suppose theoretically, the husband can "revoke" the exit/re-entry visa, and she won't be able to travel back to Qatar..

PM that is not what the embassy said to me! I always thought they help out in these situations. After all every american girl has seen "not withot my daughter."

Then I saw googled a few situations with expat divorces and am even more terrified.

I have no where to live(am in a hotel) and others have said they force women to go back with their husband in a long drawn out court case! That is what I have read so far.

I don't understand why they won't help me! He has only been here for 6 weeks. I have only been here for 2 days!

I feel very sorry for your situation. Hopefully it will work out for the best.

Have you tries mediation through a third party ?

Also, I am surprised that the Embassy is refusing to intervene, especially since the welfare of the children is at stake..

If I leave though I cannot take my daughter with me!

Yes PM! I want to go back home! Back to his home! And he wants to stay here.

I am so scared! If I leave now I can save my baby and son. And will not worry about the police forcing me to stay.

If I stay he will try to divorce me and gain custody of the children. He can do anything to me in Qatar!

Another possibility maybe

http://www.nhrc-qa.org/en/news.php?item.380

This is the Human Rights Office in Qatar

I have never thought of divorce until he told me I couldn't go back home with my children!

My child is 4 years old!

I am scared to go to the police as they will could grant him temporary custody!

I have my son and the little babies passport but not my daughters.

He has only been in the country for 6 weeks.

Go to the police.

------------Virgos dont like chaos, gerrit? ----------

I already have! They will not help me out! They do not get involved in domestic issues.

Because e holds her passport! They say I need to go to the qatari police.

And file for custody in my own country or go through the court systems here.

I can't go back without her!

And no he is not an arab!