Family Politics
Hi all,
I am presenting you all a senario with a friend of mine and seek your expert openions.
basically in asian, pakistan, india culter normally people are very reluctant to share their actual salries, income details, if they enter into new ventures, such as buying property it is kept conifdetial from relatibves, even bro sisters, etc... my freid brong and bough up in GCC normally ignore these things and during his recent job promotions etc, he has shared with all parents, bros sister and even with some relatives his promotion details etc, while they are all happy, he started to feel that it is better as most people say to keep this things under the hood,
recent incident happend as follow,
he has moved to differnet country & proper to move he shared approx. 35% of his younger bro marriage cost, his bro also is on job for few years, he gave this to his bro as weedding gift, thtean his bro wanted the new car after marriage, he gave him 60% of car price as interst free loan, than they are building one family home, where both bro are suppose to have equal contribution, since his other bro was bit under the snow he has contributed additional monies and gave some good grace period to his bro to caught up... so the latest incident is during his move to other country, he told his bro to keep all the stuff that he may want for his new home and rest will be sold.
so his bro, kept some stuff, cooking range, washing machine, tv etc, rest futnure was sold and some other house hold for sold for 3 k, after selling he asked his bro if these are said, bro said yes he said ok please depoist the money in my account, as all furnture was paid by elder bro although younger bro was also living in the same house, but did not paid for household stuff which was bourgh in past.
ok so far so goood, but than his mother poined him and told him that we had though that the 3 k for futnure will also be kept by younger bro rather than giving elder bro, who had paid for this in past, the elder bro said... that he do nto recall saying that younger bro will keep the money but he said he can keep any furniture he may like, rest will be sold and elder bro will keep the money, then elder bro said to hsi mother, ok if mother feel that younger bro should also keep the money no problem, he may keep, he said this as normal tone, than mother said ok, you talk to your younger bro later and let him know.
well, my friend now thinks reason he is being pushed so much is becuase he is earing more around 23 K while his younger bro is also not bad, he is at 13 K, so this is why his mother is now pushing more funds towardser younger bro.... and king of ignoring elder bro becuase his income is more.
while i feel there is no harm in sharing love and money with your parents, bro sisters relatives but to push on in this way take awas the charm.
so back to question, should he had not shared his exact incoming or actually told very low and continue to cry wolf, that his expense are more he may not get such pushes from near or far relatives.....
Please share yoru thoughs on these topics as among all culuters, what are the trends in Arab, asians, europions??? also what is right and wrong in this senario?
Cheers, Irf.
In my family we share such details, but no one expects any financial help from the other siblings. Gosh, not even my mom would expect anything from us but love.
irf77, didn't read the thread.....too long. Do you have a sister.
well, just read the post from the start
why shud you hide it from your family?
I agree honesty is the best policy, i have also seen people who be honest and help others, ALLAH give them 10 times more or even lot more and people who keep on making stories, although temp save a little but they remain in this vicious circule their entire life, but on behalf of parents they should treat all with equal this is also important this just rasie unncessary mis understanding between parties. i think, regards
Family comes first,
Respect of Mom and Day
Then your self and you brothers and sisters,
All should be self aware of money issues,
yet when it comes to time of real need,
What is Family for anyhow in the end,
Still each ahve thier own way,
Some open handed som mean,
That is life,
Let him try once to say NO and see the reaction,
then he will know if it is a family matter or just
" give me give me giveme issue"
Math 4 All
rdsouza please don't read such things, Honesty is the best policy.
I had read somewhere on this forum " it is dangerous to be honest unless you are also stupid....
This is a cultural issue and can't be put aside. In Asia, the elders are expected to take care of the younger ones. I think he should have stood his ground, but it is probably too late now..
yeh, sure mother order is good, the lesson that we are trying to understand how to avoid such senario from future as this is not the first time that one child is taken higer status than other.
The issue is money..... love and relationship live....
I believe that Mother's order shall win.... 3k is nothing.
Normally this much amount is spent on a single party.
Just forget about the money keep relationship and family ties....
Next time be realistic when spending money
yes, this is what i though what european etc would do beucase you guys are straight forwader yes it may hurt temporary but longer run avoid hassel and keep the expectations in line.
but in our culture is more diplomatic this is why people a) do not share these details,
b) if they earn say 10 k they will say we earn 4 K
c) always cry that our expense are more and incoming is less so no one can ask
d) do things and keeep them hidden where money is involved like purchasing property...
i guess i am answering my own questions as i go along wub twill wait for peopel's feedback,
ir77, yes you are correct- we never involve family like this. We take care of it on our own, at leat Northern Europeans do.
Difficult to give advice not knowing your customs. I would have told them straight out and I would have once and for all told what the future would bring. It would probably been a great dissapointment for all, but it would at least saved future hassles.
i c,.. so i was under the impession that normally it is more straight forward with europeans, i.e. even if they know finanical condition of others, if someone wnat to help, ok but no one can be forced, is this correct?
what could have my friend done to avoid this? and what are your all recommendation that he could avoid to fix his situation or lower people's expectations. espically his mother adn others,
I think he was plain stupid, but what do I know being an Ignorant European.
No european would share anything and not divulge any details about salary or anything else.