Thank you everyone
Dear All,
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year...
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat sh|t in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car to prevent a serial killer crawling into the back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls toJamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large seagull with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm next afternoon and the fleas from 12 mangy camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy lump.
I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way... a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity, always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late... :)
Here you are :)
I am QL proof reader :)I appreciate your contribution though
What I have learned through e-mail this past year
by Paul87920 on Jun 11, 2007 3:15 am
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue >on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
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James Clarke
September 06 2007 at 04:15AM
James Clarke's Tour de Farce
Years ago in Johannesburg there was a deranged man who appeared around 5pm when people were queuing for buses and trams. He would rush up and down shouting, "Run for your lives! The dam has burst!" or some other dire warning.
I'm sure there's a name for such a mental disorder.
I sometimes think newspaper men have at least a touch of it.
Whatever it is it also afflicts email users because I receive lots of messages warning of "the worst virus on record" or of a kidney-stealing gang that kidnaps people, drugs them and operates on them.
Elsbeth de Villiers has sent me a summary of such emails beginning: I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the following emails...
About rat poo being in the glue on envelopes. Now I have to use a wet towel when sealing an envelope.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl - Penny Brown - about to die in hospital for the 2 587th time.
But I should be okay when Bill Gates/Microsoft sends me $15 000 (about R106 000) for participating in a special email forwarding programme.
I no longer eat take-away chicken because they are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I can no longer fill my car with petrol without taking along a man to watch in case a serial killer sneaks onto the back seat while I'm filling up.
I no longer use the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't heat a cup of tea in the microwave because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with Aids.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill for calls to Jamaica, Hong Kong and Uzbekistan
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but my own because a white tailed spider is lurking under the seat and will cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your kind advice, I can't ever pick up a coin I spot in a car park because it was almost certainly placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to everyone in your address book a large pigeon with diarrhoea will land on your head and the bites of fleas from a dozen camels will cause you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's mother-in-law.
Have a wonderful day.
Thank you Elsbeth - you will be delighted to know that my day has indeed started off wonderfully. I received an email from the widow of an assassinated Nigerian politician who has, unknown to anyone but her, $44-million stashed away in the National Bank of Nigeria. She wants me to give her my banking details so she can deposit the money and so get it into South Africa. She will give me 20 percent for doing her the favour.
Oh, lucky me.
Some are Wise ... Some are ...Otherwise
apologies - this was sent to me with no reference of author - who are you the QL police? :)
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If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good. - Dr Seuss
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Starseed I think you should have aknowledged the real writer of this essay, or at least refer to the original thread :
http://readerrant.capitolhillblue.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=35436
Otherwise this is what we call : Plagiarism.
Some are Wise ... Some are ...Otherwise
one month after the Gono cyclone, I left Muscat 3amra to land in Doha... hello!!!!!!!!!! total Dépaysagement (no greenery)
starseed , I am sure that you will understand
I've already reserved my ticket back home (leaving my husband enjoying Doha alone!!!) but I think that I will always read your messages, for once, something which makes me smile in Doha
Thanks
will PM u.
Life is too short and if u r not living on the edge then u r taking up too much space.
avatar?
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If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good. - Dr Seuss
[img_assist|nid=41130|title=gr8 day|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=180|height=55]
you need to click on it and save it and open it to take a better look, but it says:
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me, and be my friend.
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If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good. - Dr Seuss
[img_assist|nid=41130|title=gr8 day|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=180|height=55]
ROFL, I always read my emails with my hand on my mouse. he he he
"I fight with love and I laugh with rage, you have to live light enough to see the humor and long enough to see some change." Ani Difranco
morning babe.
u got an addition to ur signature........cant read it though:P
Life is too short and if u r not living on the edge then u r taking up too much space.
G'morning sunshine!
So does this mean your brain on overload? :)
^>*^>*^>*^>*^>*^>*^>*
If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good. - Dr Seuss
[img_assist|nid=41130|title=gr8 day|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=180|height=55]
so my hands r free:P
Life is too short and if u r not living on the edge then u r taking up too much space.
Great post SS...very true and interesting....great compilation
keep up the good work
DO you really belive in this... from where you got this ,,,,debieee?
but again i to be say...
east or west
starseed to be best.
seen this one on QL before - and if it's a repeat I apologise
^>*^>*^>*^>*^>*^>*^>*
If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good. - Dr Seuss
[img_assist|nid=41130|title=gr8 day|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=180|height=55]
starseed all to be liar. you to be repeat joke. sorry no like.
dude be creative n think of some new ways to compliment not the same thing
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
Star: indeed thanks now that i do appreciate them...hey now i will play this way...only if ur thread is pathetic will i not forget to boo ur thread...otherwise i will jus reply plain...that wud mean that ur thread is as usual : Fabulous
TCOM: ofcourse i dont get tired...but then all the time...can get quite boring...thats why something new...comment the pathetic ones...and leave the fabulous ones alone...
Star, i totally know bout stars in the night...infact i m doin a lot of star gazin nowadays praying for things to change in ma life...fingers crossed...i m in hope...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
dont ever get tired in giving compliments....
Ss gr8 going
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
thanks - no hassles - no need for 'good post' all da time :) - I know you appreciate them..
Did you know that: "only when it is 'dark' can you really see the stars."
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If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good. - Dr Seuss
[img_assist|nid=41130|title=gr8 day|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=180|height=55]
Hey Star...looks like u have come out to light the dark skies of Doha att this time with this thread of urs...
I m gettin kinda bored of tellin u good post...good post...over and over again...
Anyways how u doin buddy hows things goin...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "