MAN VS WOMAN
By coolquietman •
hi all good morn
continuing the tradition of the ever green battle of the sexes!!!
read below.....have a good day!!!
hi all good morn
continuing the tradition of the ever green battle of the sexes!!!
read below.....have a good day!!!
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change..
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands..
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
I like that HEBREWS!!!! I also use some typical word to push him in kitchen on Fri-Sats for Teas......Can't tell you the word, they will ban me!!!
[img_assist|nid=22259|title=Fruity..Kitty|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=135|height=180]
You cheap sleazeball, if you were so hard up for cash to smoke up, you cud well have sold your notebook... why my DVD's?
Stop making all ur Fantasy comments in public places man ... get a "HOLD" on urself :P
Azz Pick them up after work today ... I sold most of them in front of Lulu !!
Where are my DVD's? Do you want me to get there and spank you azz.... on 2nd thoughts... NO!!! lol!!!
I get ppl copying stuff of ql n then firing it off by email so its going in circles now ...
Though ur stuff is still good, The jokes i mean :P
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
I can take it! :)
Seems like every 1's in a good mood these days firing off all these jokes n stuff... I think its all on u Starseed !!! :)
how r u this morning?
pati patni aur woh cqm