What can you say about arranged marriage?

i agree with seredipity has stated and most other views on arranged marraige.

starlight: its not always forced.

for ex, we are looking for a groom for one of my relatives, she being close to me has made it absolutely clear that if we feel the guy may suit her, then we will show the guy to her, but it goes ahead from there only and only if she says yes.this is the common way the process goes. and we are looking for the guy becasue she wants her family to do so for her.then we have girls who decide to look for the partners themselves,which works as well becasue its less of a hassle for the parents.

it is like an interview, just to check the initial comfort level, and try to get chatty with one another.then on, it can go either way.even after marriage, love or arranged, happines is not a guaranteed factor. one day is good, another day isnt. we work to make each day happy.

its quite common. it even happens in the arab world.

not all girls give up their guys to settle for a family chosen guy. resistance arises when its a different nationality or different religion.

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DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home

I wouldnt mind arranged marriage as long as i feel something/spark with the person. We are the captain of our own boat and yes i agree it is a gamble...you wil never know really unless you try but we can make things happen if you have the same paradigm.

Make it a pleasant day!

Then again, I've known quite a few muslim women who've been introduced to prospective suitors by their families, and the women have been able to meet and speak with them, basically, to 'interview' them for the 'job' of husband.

And they've been able to say no to ones they didn't feel a connection with or who seemed unsuitable in some way.

And they've said yes and married the one they liked, who were 'successful at interview', and the marriages have worked out.

In Arranged the couple can be a real misfit:

1. One of my friends married & the guy was a complete misfit he

was a drunkard & gambler. So daily they have fights.

2. One guy married & the girl turned out to be big-ego girl & a

fighter-cock. She would pick fights on needless things with the

boys family etc to such an extent that she became unbearable &

the couple was kicked out of the parents house and avoided like

a plague by all the relatives.

3. Another friend married his girlfriend & when they came to live

together he realised she knew nothing about cooking (she was at

home full time while he was working 12-16hrs a day). It turned

out to be a really major problem as the guy used to carry his

lunch to work (there was no reastraunt near his office).They

ended up buying food from nearby reastaurant until she finally

learnt to cook.

4. Another story is one of a girl who eloped with the guy against

her parents wishes (her parents were influential people & both

the girl & the guy even feared for their life - 20 of us guys

turned up with hidden hockey sticks as security guys for their

wedding (in court). Next day after having sex (with condoms)

the girl went away to her parents house & refused to come to

him. That was the most shocking incident in my life to see the

girl refusing to come with the boy she dated that too after

marriage after sex. The guy was really sad & we were frightned

he might commit sucide, so we were sitll for his protection for

the next 2 days.

So both Arranged & Love marriages are still a Gamble in life.

You know it drake! ;)

There is no guarantee whatsover regarding the stability of relationship in an arranged or love marriage.... But arranged marriage the partners get to knw abt each other gradually

Greetings for all.

I went through the story initiating this topic but did not go through all replies/comments simply because I feel sleepy.

Anyhow, the point is that marriage is subject to various factors related to culture and habits.

What we should care for is the result which is the percentage of divorces/seperation and compare it to the way marriage was initiated, whether it was arranged or after a nice relation.

I will be surprised to find a European couple having arranged marriage. on the other hand, it is normal to have a huge percentage of arranged or semi-arranged marriages in the Arab world.

Serendipity you're a girl after my own heart.

I bet I'll be able to spot your man. He'll be the one carrying the groceries with a sh!t eating grin on his face.

It is your family who will look for someone to become your spouse. And in some cases, even the men/women have already chosen their preferred partner, they still have to follow their family's choice to avoid conflicts. I feel sad for the couples that they have to separate because of that.

I guess it is a matter of respect for the person's right also. Traditions will always be traditions, we got one life to live... better live with our own choices, whether good or bad... it is our life. Allah knows best.

keep blooming my little rose till your butterfly comes :(

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** PEACE AND BE COOL **

50/50 i agree not 100%.

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No, I'm not confused. I was referring to the cases of families finding a groom/bride in an arranged marriage. They do that by looking at all those practical criteria. If the bride/groom consents to the marriage going ahead, then to my mind it's an arranged marriage.

If the family makes the choice and the person doesn't really agree, but they accept the choice and go along with it, even though they don't really want to, then to mind that's a forced marriage.

So I haven't been confused at all. I know that there's a difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage.

My comments related to arranged marriage, which is the subject of this thread, i.e. "What can you say about arranged marriage?" so my comments were relevant. Dude.

If you want to talk about marriages where the young person doesn't really want it but feels forced into accepting it, then that's a forced marriage then that's a totally different subject and it's you who's confused.

Oh common you are looking into the dictionary meaning of arranged, even love marriages are ARRANGED in that sense

We are talking about marriages where your family makes the choice and you accpet their choice...Hope its crystal clear now! Try to be relevant dude

Despite the cost of living life's still popular!

In India, Arranged marriage is tradition and is still being followed quite successfully. But, in most cases, families know each other through some means or other.

Divorce rate not increased.

Many of them are living happily even for more than 30 years or so.

Hmmmm..it's working in a country of more than a billion people.

Cheers,

I totally agree with you drake and I support it.

Why waste your time dating a man who won't put up shelves and do other DIY tasks, who won't put the lavatory lid down, who puts empty cartons back in the fridge and cupboards and who won't carry all the heavy shopping?

It's better to have potential men screened first to ensure they know their role.

I know mine, the kitchen and the bedroom, I really enjoy cooking and f... *ahem* 'keeping my man happy' ;)

Arranged or not .. the result is the same anyway .. so why bother

KRC, I don't think you can really say it's been proved. You have to look at the cultures were arranged marriages are predominate, they have much greater emphasis on staying together and there is more stigma about divorce. So divorce might not be an option for some couples.

The true test would be a survey or to find out which couples are happier in the long run.

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I find it really amusing how the different cultural attitudes appear to be merging.

I mean I'm sure that a few years ago, lots of Asians and Arabs would have been appalled by the idea of casual dating, and those amoral Europeans/Americans, they even sign up to internet dating sites, and they have online romances and get involved in relationships with total strangers!

Whereas, I guess lots of European/American would have been appalled by the idea of traditional Asian and Arab arranged marriages and matchmaking services, thought it was too restrictive.

But now the two ideas are merging somewhat with the increasing popularity of internet dating/matchmaking sites. I mean you have sites like Shaadi.com for Indian marriage arranging. But then lots of 'dating' sites ask you to fill in questionnaires and tick boxes asking whether you are interested in casual dating or a long term relationship or marriage.

So even Americans/Europeans are getting more into the idea of screening potential partners based on their attitudes towards marriage, i.e. if they're looking for marriage, they'll exclude all the potential matches who aren't interested in marriage, and only consider those who want the same.

What's the difference? Except you still get a lot of Americans/Europeans looking down on the idea of arranged marriage, even though they're practicing the same selection techniques themselves, making sure the other person wants the same kind of relationship, i.e. dating or marriage, looking at the person's educational background and qualifications, looking at their job and their earning potential.

So I find it quite amusing when people say they are really against arranged marriages.

NB: Arranged marriages are different to forced marriages, here I'm talking about arranged marriages.

may be difficult to accept but it is a proved fact in the society that arranged marraiges are healthier. i think main fact is that marriage is not a relationship just between couples but also between families and socities.

Don't let the trapeze and trampoline in the bedroom fool you. That's for your enjoyment too.

Jeez, I don't think I would ever trust my siblings to choose a spouse for me. My brothers would choose a carnival freak (most Canadian men) just to piss me off.

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I think most guys would agree wiht me;

Marriage! Its death of bachelor life, so does it matter whether you are killed or you commit suicide?

But to be frank arranged marriages work becos families make it work, its a big compromise you do in life...no one knows whether you may start loving the person in the course of time..

Best is Love marriages, you marry someone you know close, who you believe can be your life partner, not someone who jus walks in yourlife one fine day to be your spouse and then your lover!! Awful!

Despite the cost of living life's still popular!

Why waste your time dating a girl who can't cook, clean, or keep their man happy (most Canadian women).

It's better to have potential women screened first by siblings to ensure they know their role.

Here I am Han....ummmm arranged marriage....Actually as long as neither person is forced into the marriage I don't see a problem with it. I would never choose it for myself, but that's just my culture. If I was from one that emphasized the importance of marriage, I probably would have opted for one a long time ago. :)

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in most arranged marriages, the girl is asked for her permission to go ahead with the alliance.sadly in some cases it forced.

in asia, majority of marriages are arranged marriages, and they live happily.

dont get too emotional about this, arrange marriages do work.

i was thinking about it this morning, and remember someone telling me that arranged marriages is more of a union between two like minded families than the girl and the boy.......so everything is like one big family thingy.and ofcourse its important for the man to be financially secure if the lady doesnt intend to work or if she or her family prefers it that way.....you need money to live, love is just one postive factor to make life a bit easy. alhamdullilah.

moreover you cannot force anything, you have to allow yourself to adjust or compromise, and when you decide you want to adjust or adapt, you will find a lot of issues really easy to handle.

its when we rebel that everything feels forced and not acceptable.sometimes things arent as complicated as we think it is.

doesnt mean that injustice doesnt take place.

this is my opinion......and i am very stressed today.

happy heart

DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home