What God has joined together let no man put asunder... yeah, right! Then why there’s DIVORCE, ANNULLMENT &/or LEGAL SEPARATION?

I agree with the Han19 comment. You have to work at a relationship, it's never easy sailing.

If you are both pulling the same way it gets easier.

i agree again with gypsy.

love is momentous, to the same person you can love him like crazy at one moment and just as that hate him/her too, but that doesnt mean the end of a relationship.

you need to really work on a relation if you want to skip that heartbeat everyday for the rest of your life and i dont think there is anything like an ideal relationship or marriage.there cant be illusions about relations.

everyday is a new day.

happy heart

DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home

my opinion, every one has a right. even a small child, even a forest...but if you don't have the relation...i mean legal (which uphold your right) then how to protect the kids or family right?

As a muslim I believe in human rights...that what I being taught of. fullfill others need and sometime have to forget my own interest. If you have believe you will not stay alone...if you have love you might not let others alone.....

Allah Almighty....and thanks alot to Prophet Muhammad for his guidance.

In my strange and ill informed opinion, I think that it's just as important to be in 'like' as in 'love'. When you like somebody, that means you are friends. Friends have a very basic respect for each other as human beings. This isn't always true for people in love.

Love is the craziest of emotions. Sure, it's wonderful ride but how do you tell if it's all wacky, naked fun or something deeper? It's hard to tell when you can't keep off each others face...or can't stop thinking about it.

It sucks that there isn't a rule book. Every relationship is unique unto itself. Every one has to be treated differently and there are really very few lessons one can carry from one to the next. Sometimes lust begets friendship and a lifelong partnership and sometimes friendships fall apart.

On the other hand, as long as boobies exist, it's never going to make any sense...cheers.

http://archive.gulfnews.com/articles/07/05/04/10122721.html

a Ql milestone.........finally no conflict at all.

happy heart

DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home

I went out with this guy for a little over 6 months once. It started off really passionate and romantic and all that, but after about 4 or 5 months it started to cool down and we started to get into that routine, compatibilty stage, where you really get to know and respect one another. I had no problems with this, and in fact this is my favorite part of a relationship, when it settles into the real thing. However he turned to me one day (we were just about to leave for a 4 day camping trip) and said "My heart doesn't skip a beat anymore when I see you, it's not going to work." Basically as it turned out, he wanted the "perfect girl" one that made his heart skip a beat everytime he saw her. There's no such thing as this kind of love. That kind of love is a creation of movies and tv. If your heart is still skipping beats after 6 months or a year with a person, go see a doctor.

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ROFL Han, this is a day to remember!

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Exactly what I was trying to say earlier. U can't have a marriage without love, it's not the only ingredient needed but it is important to make a marriage last.

finally i can agree with gypsy whole heartedly:-P

wait on.....let me read your post again.

happy heart

DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home

gotcha gypsy.. you said it right...

Keep blooming my little rose

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** PEACE AND BE COOL **

Reading the conversation about love, I just thought I'd say that there are many different ways to love a person. I don't love my parents the same way I love my boyfriend, or my kids the same way I love my husband (and I'm not talking about in a sexual way so get your dirty minds out of the gutter please and thank you :P).

No matter what a marriage needs love to last. This is a love not based on lust, but on compatibility and mutual respect and admiration. It's choosing to stand by that person and make a life with them, through thick and thin. If you choose to do that with a person you have to love them, if you tolerate them or are simply sexually attracted to them, it's not going to work.

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I respect also those who prefer to take the tranquility pill, I admire them for being courageous also.. I could also do that but depends on the degree of its effect on my life. Better for one time death and live again than continue living like dead... deaf, mute and blind.

As I said, Im no perfect to say this, I maybe wrong I maybe right. Give your best shot to save the marriage at least if still it didnt work... you can say I did my best.

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** PEACE AND BE COOL **

I'm surprised about the will to face the painful truth. I thought the "I don't want to know camp" would be ascendant.

I'm saying that because I know of many situations where the woman clears the man of any wrongdoing despite overwhelming suspicions because she prefers not to face the hard truth.

And I'm not necessarily talking about my relationship with my wife!

I prefer to face the painful truth... tranquility pill has expiration, maybe you will forget to take the pill and be surprised to see the painful truth.. or maybe you will get addicted to it and you will lose yourself and couldnt function anymore without it.

An open communication is the best thing, though some dont understand its value...

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** PEACE AND BE COOL **

what Gia said makes sense.

When i got married, everyone kept teasing me that the fun is just the first 6months, the honeymoon period and then the reality of mariage comes through, and that used to scare me.

but i feel every marriage is more or less the same, there is no fun period or honeymoon period in marriage. marriage is an everyday process, everyday is a new day to work on. its something that just cant be taken for granted.with kids or without kids.

yup for those who have too high expectation in it, feel cheated in it, when you dont get what you expect, it results in frustrations and if this is related to marriage then its frustration in marriage, how long can a frustrated marriage last?

happy heart

DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home

Where I can find that?

There are two important elements to remember.

The Catholic Church, through it's holy sacraments, holds marriage in very high esteem. A divorce, however, is a civil action...not a Church (or ecclesiastical) action.

The Catholic Church has annulments, which isn't a Catholic version of divorce, but is where a marriage was invalid in the first place (entered under false pretenses and forced marriage are just two examples). The divorce is the civil action, which is required for civil purposes.

To say the Catholic Church doesn't recognize divorces is not exactly accurate. It recognizes them in the context of the legal proceeding (just like it would a traffic law), but it doesn't recognize the spiritual component, which is the "negation" of a marriage.

And to tell you the truth I believe God leaves us to figure out marriage/partnership on our own.

Like you say it's not perfect but for me keeping the lines of communication open, really open, helps a lot.

That's why I asked whether one would prefer to face the painful truth or take a tranquility pill.

Thanks e46... I stand corrected.

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** PEACE AND BE COOL **

It's only the Catholic Church that doesn't allow divorce.

I don’t know the difference between just love and true love… I guess they are one and the same. It should be one of the reasons for marriage, or else it is like using someone for your own benefit. Marriage is a commitment written in paper. It is the couples’ obligation to perform the responsibility that goes with it.

But because of uncertainties of life, and as we say…it takes two to tango. Whoever is at fault, dancing tango alone makes you feel pathetic. So you have a choice, continue feeling pathetic, force someone to dance with you, or stop dancing and wait for the time someone would offer the willingness dance with you.

Christian marriage is a lifetime commitment, as they say. No divorce but there is annulment and legal separation, though some countries they allow divorce. Whatever you call it, they still terminate the marriage only in different grounds and procedures and cost.

Muslim marriages allow divorce. For some they do not understand it and would say it is unfair, for some it is right and justifiable.

Again, marriage is still a commitment between two people coupled with responsibility to your self, to your spouse, children, family and society, most of all to God.

Point is, regardless of your religion or your beliefs; God does not expect us to be perfect. He sees your effort and your intention. To stay or not to stay, depends on which one that will make you a better and happy person. A better person makes a better parent and a better member of society.

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** PEACE AND BE COOL **

I guess your views are more like in the middle of mine and cornellian's.

But you did put yuour point across well

Beast666

Live and Let Live..... Give Respect, Get Respect.

I hope with all sincerity that you find LOVE and live a happy life.

Most people don't know what love is, any affectionate feeling towards other person these days is confused with love, if all the people who got married because they were in love, divorce rate in many countries would not reach 50%

Beast666

PS I am not ready to call you sis...atleast not yet

This my own opinion and i do agree to some extent with Beast666 THAT we really take our own feelings in wrong manner. Those who really get married with all the realities of life ...they sustain and carryon their companionship...but those who have overexpectation do not get thru..

Because no one can ever perform upto the mark on 100% basis. Its a relation of continuous give and take....and if one looses balance in it...obviously it cannot not be dragged further...and ideally both should have courage and to assess and just dont drag the relationship for social pressures. atleast try to be honest.

I have friends who absolutely had no harmoney from the initial days bt they took the risk and made family and have 3 or 4 childrens now...i mean the question is that children are toys...howcome u can just go on reporducing without having a reasonable relatioship.

Plus in this relation thr is no such thing as loyality or care...its mutual pact in which u try to give wat u expect to receive. so my friends....just be realistic...and face it...thr r no soulmates in this world....whoever is the current mate is the soulmate...

That the most disgudting part...bt ths the reality..

Ok first of all, im not a "bro"...im a "sis" lol

Second, I know it's ur opinion and ur not trying to impose anything...but this is what forums are for...to share and discuss opinions. Those people u knew thought they were in love but turned out to be only physical attraction, so that means they weren't in love, should they have been in love they would've still been married. And that's what we were saying, people rush into marriage, they should've spent more time with each other to find out whether it was love or only lust.

The risk I was talking about is the risk of waiting for true love instead of only accepting a compatible person. That risk doesn't include children because when I marry someone I'll be sure we're that we're in love AND we're compatible. I think u need both.

I do not impose my opinion on anyone, but as I said many people marry for different reasons children, social acceptance, etc.

I know people who thought they are in love but it was more like a physical attraction which lasted for less than a year and then they realized that as people that are not compatible.

Risk is fine bro but take a risk with your life, when children gets involved than its their life as well.

You can pursue love my friend I wish you luck.

I personally believe if you want love and loyalty then get a dog.

Beast666

But why live a life like that ? U seem like a very pesimistic person, and no don't tell me ur a realistic person cause there are many people who are in love and married happily. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with a person who is only compatible but they share no feelings whatsoever? Doesn't everyone want to go back to home where they're loved? I'm a very realistic and pratical person, but I believe that the search of love is worth the wait, why accept a mediocre life when there's a possibility of living an extraordinary life with someone u love? I choose to take the risk...what's life without taking risks ?

I am not negative about marriage but I believe that if you select a partner for their attributes which are compatible with you, your marriage has better chance of survival than if you were to get married becuase "we are so much in love"

Beast666

Well, you will tolerate becuase your partner is compatible. thats the quality you seek rather than love imagination.

We all, in life tolerate things we don't love, just add one more to it.

Beast666

It's sad to see so much negativity about marriage. Maybe we have been one of the lucky ones where it has worked for both of us. However both our kids are on their second partners and that has resulted in one of our daughters twins being in Qatar with her father and one in Aberdeen with her mum and younger sister. Our daughter has never "bad mouthed" their dad, something that sadly he has excelled at in respect of their mother.

get rid of some one just start loving them

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But how can u tolerate someone u don't love? If u don't love a person than it'll be way easier for u to walk away at the slighest problem u face. Love is very important for a successful marriage, but it's not the only ingredient needed. And why do u make reality seem so grim? There is love in this world...it might be rare...but it's there...I would rather not get married at all then marry someone I'm not in love with.

people get married for many reasons,

most people wants children

some seek social acceptance

some just want somebody to come home to

Love is for teenager and fools (in my opinion)

marriage for love yukh love sucks and i hate this word LOVE

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mistake happens by getting married :P

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Or just not marry. Who needs to marry?

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We all need to come out of candyland of love and a face reality.

More marriage will be successful if both partners will get love out of the marriage.

Beast666

That's so depressing, I would rather just never get married.

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My theory is quite different; people get married because they think they are in love. Later on reality bites then in the rear that love does not exist and they end up parting ways because "we don't love each other any more"

Getting married because of love is a wrong reason to get married.

I believe people should find a person who is compatible and marry them, don't seek love, just seek a partner who you think has a better chance of tolerating you.

Beast666

You know where I'm from Sputty, I'm from Canada. And I said that children of divorced parents don't always adjust properly, especially when the dirvorce is because of infidelity. However the children of parents who stay together despite their incompatibility don't adjust well either. In my opinion happy parents raise happy children.

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No that attitude isn't only prevalent in UK, Australia or US! Race, religion or nationality has no relevance whatsoever when it comes to the children's wellfare. Loving parents (no matter where they're from) will do what they can for the sake of the kids.

Marriage involves responsibilities... Gypsy which place r u from? That sort of attitude is prevalent only in the UK or Australia or the US.... Children of divorced couples dont necessarily adjust properly, that adage doesnt hold waters everywhere...

I agree with Joe, people are getting married way too soon before they get a chance to really know eachother and then after they get married they realize that they weren't meant to be together or they don't love each other, etc...(it's a loooong list!). So divorces happen not because people can't commit cause I think everyone sooner or later wants to commit and have a family, it's human nature, but the reason for divorces, annullments, etc. is because people rush into marriage before knowing the meaning of it and so half way through they realize "Oh this isn't what I thought it would be, ok I want out". I like Azilana's saying "marriage is not like trying to eat hot rice"...it's so true!

Well I don't believe in any of the religious conotations regarding marriage, and generally think of it has a way for two people to legalize and celebrate their union. It should be made as a mature decision and ended as a mature decision and children should be spared as much of it as possible.

I know a lot of children of divoced couples, and depending on how badly the marriage ended they are pretty well adjusted. (Except the one's whos marriages ended by infidelity, that tends to scew up a kid).

I also know some kids whos parents stayed in loveless marriages for the "sake" of the kids. They tend to be extremely cynical about relationships and unable to commit for fear of winding up in their parents situations.

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Marriage is a commitment. It's a commitment to God, to yourselves and to the people (your wedding guests) that you would love each other "till death do you part". Divorce, annullment, legal separation were created by people as a way out of that commitment. I know it is not easy to live up to that commitment for many years. But I think it would be easier to commit one day at a time. A reassuring daily commitment to the vows you made would make a lot of difference because days of commitment turn into months and months turn into years.

can you drink while you eating? if yes, you can mix up the thing you say, if not...thing threat separately....don;t mix up .

if you have principal. don't mix up the others word just to find an answer.

if you believe in one god, there are no other god.

if you believe only one words is true, don;t try to elaborate others words.

respect your believe wisely.

it is something solemn, something sacred and it would be erroneous to define it in simply physical or material and secular terms. It is also prescribed by a certain measures to make the marital bond as permanent as humanly possible... BUT if it does not work well and function properly for any valid reasons or any very serious obstacles in the way, something that cannot be overcome by reconciliation... why not terminate it in kindness and honor with equity and peace in a form of legal divorce?

I'd rather marry someone because we're 2 mature people who love, trust and respect each other without compromising each other's individuality.

We have a saying in my country, Marriage is not like trying to eat hot rice, once burnt you could spit it out.

yv2r

If we belive that "Marriages are made in Heaven",

will they not invite trouble if they go against the wishes of the creator or matchmaker's choice and naturally kids born to such family will be troublesome to the Society

The divorce rate is the highest in the US

Many incidents in the US are the outcome of lack of proper upbringing and no values imbibed at youth....

whats the matter with ppl, why dont they stick to the topic.

in my opinion marriage is sacred and both prties need to be tolerant. Nowadays ppl give up on their marriage too soon.They just dont want to work on it. Both parties have to compromise!Children and their future have to be connsidered.Broken marriages give rise to confused children who grow up to be disturbed adults.

But I like the other avatar than the own showing on my monitor. This one's too cuddly cute...lol

am using wireless keyboard so the spell does get missing :P u may check all my posts.

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Thanks , DaRude for the SHOT, at least i know who to leave my kids to if ever I die...lol

stand there dont move a muscle ok let me get my laser on ur forehead and shot you .

Duzzzz

Alive!!

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I choose the first, PAINFUL TRUTH.

My case was different, though. I had to leave my daughter's father because he's not READY to be a father despite his age. O told him that when he can face his reponsibilities, he knows where to find us

It was painful, emotionally and my thoughts were of my child then. four years of patiently waiting for the boy to grow up. Found out later that he married another.

I have to break the news to a 4 YEAR OLD child...Now, realizing it, even if I married him, I might end up filing for an annulment and still take care of my kids alone.

Well this happens, it's called being in a relationship. We all go through ones that don't work and try to learn something for the future. It's a helluva partnership.

well who is hijackin it its she who got already hijacked

her line the first post here

"I've always been a trusting person and most of the time, I end up with the wrong guy"

:D

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Afghanistan is a place I'll never forget. But let's not hijack Azzy's post.

not tht much around most of them are rather in NY or Manchester Or Berlin i got stuck here :D

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Never met any of your people, don't think, unless they were in the Maidan Shahr area in 1995.

Famous Yousaf zai which is settled now on top most north of pakistan.

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dp

You said you're Afghan, where from in Afghanistan?

Guess i did and sure i did tell u try to memorize a little :P

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You didn't tell me where you're from.

poor souls like me always online got nothin out to go for hahaha good good :)

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Good topic, Azzy.

I think this is the most special of partnerships, and I don't necessarily mean special in a positive way because it's not always so.

But I believe the partners should be as open as possible and try to be decent in their approach to issues.

It doesn't always work. But no matter what the kids should never be witnesses to battle nor should they be pawns or bargaining chips.

But what would you prefer, the painful truth or not being aware of the truth because it's more tranquil that way?

hunting means going in jungle and looking for animals

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I'm perfectly satisfied with what I got. Good paying job, a MAN who loves me (even if it's an LDR), got friends in and out of QL so...

who said I'm hunting???

The problem is not that it's too easy to get a divorce, it's that it's too easy to get married.

Sometimes, getting divorced is the best thing for kids. It can be way better being raised by one parent than living in a household where there is constant fighting.

No easy answers and certainly none that cover every situation.

to live on ur own stop hunting

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I've always been a trusting person and most of the time, I end up with the wrong guy.

So why make others suffer? Get it?

you better Open a matrimonial office or some match fixing

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