NOW - we know for sure....

Scientist: pregnancy only found in women
Written by Marc Loi
Story written: 11 June 2007

NORFOLK. Va. - A 10-year study on human sexuality and reproduction showed that in the human species, 100 percent of those who get pregnant are women, while the percentage of pregnant men remains at zero, scientists from the National Organization for Scientific and Health Institute Technology announced yesterday.

Although the result of the study had always been widely speculated and believed by the majority of the population, NOSHIT leading scientist, Dr. Henry Anderson said the organization set out to do the study to prove conclusively that pregnancy is an ability inherently connected with the female gender, and that males have very little to do with the carrying and birthing of the fetus.

"While there were certainly no disagreements in the scientific community that this was how human sexuality and reproduction worked, there were many organizations that showed characteristics of resisting such a belief," Anderson said. "So we set out to prove it once and for all."

The result came from a 10-year study, spanning across five continents that consisted of both field in clinical studies of more than a million couples of child-bearing age. In every case, regardless of whether the pregnancies were planned or a surprise, the pregnancy was carried out by the female half of the couple.

While the results won't change any contemporary findings in the scientific community, both the religious and political communities are reacting with passionate responses.

"This proves that we've always tried to tell the world - that the responsibility and privileges of pregnancy belong to women," said Planned Parenthood president Kim Gandy. "Because of that, the choice of whether to carry out or terminate the pregnancy also belongs to women."

Gandy went on to point out that while 100 percent of those getting pregnant will always be women, legislatures who make laws regarding a woman's ability to make decisions about her own body has always been men.

"Even with the current Congress, 77 percent of those making decisions about reproduction are men," she said. "There's a discrepancy there somewhere, and we hope to change that."

Armed with the new scientific findings, Gandy said she hopes to work with legislatures and local communities to ensure that the reproductive choices of women remain in the hands of those to whom they matter most - women.

Not everyone, however, reacted to the findings with opened arms. Long-time science-denier and televangelist Pat Robertson, speaking at a prayer breakfast in front of a group of Biblical Science students at Regent University, said he is still skeptical about the study.

"Science has done many great things for the world," Robertson said. "But it's also created the atomic bomb, gas chambers and tanks and other weapons, all of which have caused pain and sufferings to God's children.

"I see this finding as being similar to the creation of those weapons. It's using something that is inherently good to do evil - by that I mean the mass murders of millions of God's children each year."

Along with Robertson and other religious organizations, the Christian Wives of America has also spoken regarding the findings.

"I don't see what it proves," said CWA president Bertha Green. "The fact of the matter is that we marry in the grace of God, and become one; so because of that, my body is my husband's body, thus he will always have a say over what I do with my body and the choices I make."

The mentality of those sharing Green's belief, said Andrew Mitchell, Feminist Majority Leadership Alliance of ODU's, is the reason the battles for women's rights continued to be take a step backward.

"It's not a matter of politics, and it's not a matter of religion," Mitchell said. "It's matter of what's logical - the logic here is this: you can't make decisions on what doesn't belong to you.

"It astounds me how some women are still letting the men in their lives make decisions about their bodies. It makes about as much sense as letting a stranger decide who you're going to marry or what you're going to name your kid."

What concerns him even more, Mitchell said, is that there are men who, despite the study, still think it's their rights to make decisions about women's reproductive choices.

"I mean - what the hell's going on here? What makes these men think they're so good that they can tell women what to do with their bodies? It's almost as silly as going into another country, taking down its government and telling its people what kind of government they really want," he continued. "Perhaps we also need to do a study that will find that Americans aren't Iraqis and know what Iraqis think."

The findings are expected to bring about months of fighting between the left and right, and although it probably won't settle anything permanently, will restart the debate between America's pro-choice and-life.

"We're ready," Robertson said. "We've always had God on our side, and this time it won't be any different. Science may be to answer certain questions, but it'll never be able to answer how God came about. For my money - and I have lots of it, I'll always pick God over science."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
Courtesy :thespoof.com