More Little Johnny

I like your thinking
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A teacher asks her class, ?If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left??
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ?None, they all fly away with the first gun shot?

The teacher replies ?The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.?

Then Little Johnny says ?I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married??

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ?Well I suppose the one that?s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone?

To which Little Johnny replied, ?The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.?

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Sunday School Lesson
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Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

… the teacher fainted!
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Restroom Etiquette
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During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”

Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I’m going for a piss.”

The teacher says: “That would be very rude and improper on your part.”

Charlie replies: “I’m sorry I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute.”

The teacher says: “That’s much better but to mention the word “toilet” during a meal, is unpleasant.”

And Little Johnny says: “My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner.”

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Wh-orehouse
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Little Johnny hears the word wh-orehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies, Well, uh, you go there to, uh, have a good time.

Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there, too, but his father insists that he’s too young.

Saturday night rolls around. Johnny’s dad and a few of his friends head out to Mable’s (Liquor In The Front, Poker In The Rear! — Our Customers Come First!) for a good time.

Naturally, Little Johnny tags along secretly.

After his dad and his dad’s friends have been safely inside for some time, Little Johnny knocks on the door. The madame opens the door. Yes? she asks.

I’m here to have a good time!, Johnny Says

The madame is a little puzzled, but, being a kind-hearted soul, invites Little Johnny inside. She gives him three donuts and then bids him goodbye.

When he gets home, his dad is frantic. (Dad obviously had come and gone at Mabel’s.) Where have you been?

I went to a WH-OREHOUSE! Johnny proudly boasted!

Johnny’s dad blanched. Uhh, you did? Umm, how was it?

Well, I managed the first two without any problem, but I just licked the third one!