Baby Specialist

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided
to use a Surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to
ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you
really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did
you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what
my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have aseat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, whdo we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two
in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple
on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room
floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different positions and Ishoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be
pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid
so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five
deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said
Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the
photographer replied. "And for more than three hours,
too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness
approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you
mean they actually chewed on your, um, equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to
rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the
hand very long."……………Mrs. Smith fainted.