Nanny or Nursery
At 6 months preggo it's time for me to start considering what I'm going to do with my little sprog once I have to go back to work (after only 45 calendar days thanks to the disgusting maternity policy here in the UAE!)
I'm looking at nurseries and nannies and would like to get peoples opinions (preferably opinions from those who have had to make this choice) about which they prefer and why.
For further discussion, here's a snippet from an article in today's National:
"Yes, there is some stress involved in sending a child to nursery, says Jo Shaban, the managing director of Bright Beginnings nursery in Abu Dhabi. When managed correctly, though, day care can be a positive experience. "Starting day care can be a stressful time for everyone," she says, "but the way it is approached by all concerned makes a huge difference to how much stress a child will feel. Mums going back to work need to be organised and ready to send their child off - not just practically, but emotionally." A child, she adds, can sense a parent's anxiety. "We always encourage our parents to be positive, even with young babies."
A calm and welcoming environment will also help to keep stress levels to a minimum. "We have staggered starts where children don't come in all day every day from the beginning," she says, "They build up slowly. If any child won't stop crying after half an hour we ask one of the parents to come and collect them."
Once they settle down - and the vast majority do - the benefits of day care can be extensive. "They learn interaction with other children, language and physical development, and mental milestones are reached more easily in a nursery environment."
Crucially, adds Charlotte Gast, the managing director of Blossom children's nursery in Dubai, the staff at their nursery do not qualify as "strangers", as Sigman terms them. "There is a settling-in period," she says, "but then we become part of the child's extended family. It's very important to us to have continuity in the classroom. Every day there is the same staff. If someone is off sick we make sure there is somebody there who is familiar with the children."
The alternative for mothers returning to work in the UAE is to leave their child at home with a maid; something Gast, an expectant mother, will not be doing. "You are not there and so you don't know what your maid or nanny is doing with them," she says. "I would rather have my child in nursery care where there is more control over the quality of care they are receiving."
totally agree with Torontomom Nursery is better but choose a good one ,but leaving a small baby alone with Nanny is a little scary
and what will you do if she is absent one day or just left and didn't come back
Nanny for a newborn up until at least 12 months. Babies can get sick often and will not be allowed at the nursery when sick... which creates a whole set of problems of taking time of work and trying to find a reliable babysitter.Also with a nanny, you know the baby will receive great indiviual attention. You can always do a nanny share with another set of parents you trust... so maybe two babies with one nanny that way the babes have a playmate and the parents can share the cost.There are nanny cams that connect to the internet so you can check in and watch what is going on while you are at work, this helps to ease the mind a bit.Just get a good recommendation and check references and hire the nanny before you have the baby. That way the nanny can be around while you are still on maternity leave and you can see how she is with the baby.
And all the very best to you and your DH.And do make all your important decisions now,while your thinking wisely and not after you give birth, cos girl if you think your hormonal and fretting now wait till the whole "baby blues" kicks in!
Hmmm. I agree with you on all of those. I guess my option is really to visit nurseries AND look for a live out nanny and hopefully I can find one or the other that I'm happy with.
I've not had a nanny here in Qatar MM but I have friends who have had both live in maids/nannies,under their sponsorship,and the 9-5 types who were under another's. Personally I prefer the one's who don't live in as that can be a bit of an issue in terms of privacy.And also since as a mom we have that whole natural jealousy bit and wouldn't want our kid been too attached to the nanny where the baby would only find solace when she's around. And this tends to happen when its a live in. And again its better they are independant from you as far as the visa goes. Less hassle specially if God forbid they turn out to be in anyway trouble makers and law breakers. One of my friends wen't through hell cos her live in maid ran away with her boyfriend,who it turned out was the reason why her folks sent her to Qatar cos he was of bad character(he followed her here), and was caught with him by the cops.She was so haunted by it all she vowed never to get young maids again!
Ah good! Everyone else I've spoken to has had a live in nanny! Where your nannies under your sponsorship or someone elses? We've found an agency here that will provide a nanny for us and for just a bit of extra money she will live out, however my husband and I aren't sure how comfortable we are sponsoring someone who doesn't live with us...
Please feel free to ask away, its my pleasure really if I can be of help =DNo,none of the nannies were live ins and yes both of them did other chores as well like washing clothes,ironing, cleaning up the house etc. Generally I had them come in twice a week from like 8am-5pm.
That's good to hear as well MS. When we decided to get pregnant it was with the idea of "oh, well when I finish maternity leave we will put him/her with a nanny or in a nursery, no biggie" Now at 6 months pregnant I'm like "THIS IS A HUGE DEAL!!! WHICH IS BEST!" LOL! The joys of hormones. :)
Miss Mimi,
We put our daughter in a nursery since she was only 2 months old, we don't regret the decision. She is highly adaptive, social and loves having a routine with assignments, all that at just three years of age.
Were your Nannies live in's Fatima? And did you have them do other household chores or just watch the babies? Sorry if I'm asking too much but I've never even had a full time maid before!
Yes I did. The ladies in question was interviewed by my hubby and I and we found them to be pretty trustworthy based on their qualifications and credentials. Yes even I was quite apprehensive of the idea of a nanny but I must say once I hired the first one I was pretty much hooked. How I kept a watch on them was the usual way...questioning them as to how everything went, constantly checking on my baby, even off handedly asking the neigbours and landlords as to if they saw anything remotely suspicious. But Alhamdullilah everyone had only good to say of them so it was all well. What impressed me about these ladies was despite them both been non Muslims they would even go as far as learning our religious sayings to teach our baby. But that's a trait I find common in many Sri Lankan nannies. They are very loyal and tend to be more like a family member and not just to fellow Lankans. Another tip look for an older(read motherly) type. Somehow they are easier to deal with and tend to have a granny nature that kids love!
Thanks Fatima, have you had nannies yourself? My only concern with a nanny is all the horror stories you hear about nannies abusing the children, or leaving them alone. How did you monitor your Nanny while you were away?
are you soliciting advice or just want to find someone to blame if something wrong came out.We are in Qatar, you are there in UAE. You already said about the difference including the maternity leave rules.. You should have considered those "predicaments" when you planned to make that angel of yours.And another observation, you should go for the NURSERY thing since everytime somebody suggested a nanny, you have a negative reaction.My advice, choose the lesser evil.
Babies are more prone to infections and are best kept at home for the first two years of their lives rather than being with too many different people day in day out.And the way I see it having a trustworthy,loving nanny will be better for an infant since he will also have more invidual attention and care. And I feel as a working mother who will constantly be needing to moniter your childs caretaker dealing with one fixed person will always be easier and it will be in the comfort of your own home.
as a former nursery employee and a mother who has been in the same predicament, I understand your situation. a word of advice is to be prepared to switch nurseries if you are unhappy - I had to switch twice because of things that I found out after a few months. One nursery put her infront of the TV ALL DAY and the other did not have assisstants taht were qualified or had had much patience (they were constantly yelling at her!)So don't feel guilty about switching nurseries - you want the best for your child.Good nannies are hard to find. I have had 3 - one tried using my computer for porn, the other was wanted by police and the 3rd did not like children (she actually told me after I hired her!) So I would recommend a really good nursery for sure - it's more regulated and your child will at least be somewhat stimulated. What i did was put my daughter in nuresry till 1pm and then dropped her off at a friend's house (someone really trustworthy) and timed her nap for the same time. That way she didn't actually have to do much with her as i usually was home an hour or 2 after she woke up.Good luck - and don't let people make you feel bad whatever you choose. you do what you have to do:)
as a former nursery employee and a mother who has been in the same predicament, I understand your situation. a word of advice is to be prepared to switch nurseries if you are unhappy - I had to switch twice because of things that I found out after a few months. One nursery put her infront of the TV ALL DAY and the other did not have assisstants taht were qualified or had had much patience (they were constantly yelling at her!)So don't feel guilty about switching nurseries - you want the best for your child.Good nannies are hard to find. I have had 3 - one tried using my computer for porn, the other was wanted by police and the 3rd did not like children (she actually told me after I hired her!) So I would recommend a really good nursery for sure - it's more regulated and your child will at least be somewhat stimulated. What i did was put my daughter in nuresry till 1pm and then dropped her off at a friend's house (someone really trustworthy) and timed her nap for the same time. That way she didn't actually have to do much with her as i usually was home an hour or 2 after she woke up.Good luck - and don't let people make you feel bad whatever you choose. you do what you have to do:)
Well I've got 6 months :P Obviously I will start looking for a Nanny if I don't have confirmation that my son is in before I go off maternity leave. I'm just kind of questioning, in an ideal world (where I have the options of both) what is the better choice.
Hi
you need a plan B - my son was on a waiting list of a good nursery for 8 months!
There are a few nurseries here that accept from 8 weeks onwards and I've already put my name on the waiting lists. They all have good reputations.
I like the variety of both, currently my son goes to nursery 3 afternoons a week, which is proving to very beneficial as he has developed clingon syndrome.
Also, certainly in Qatar, most nurseries will not take babies under 6-9 months old, you may find yourself forced into the nanny option. I was because, all the good nurseries here had an enormous waiting list.
"Nursery, the reason to be careful here is that most good nurseries will not let you take your baby in if they are in the least bit unwell, they don't want the responsibility and also babies are germ factories, once one is ill, they all fall ill."This isn't a huge issue, as my work is pretty good about letting my co-worker take a day or two off when her son is ill, and my husband also can change his schedule.
MM - you need to take recommendations on both fronts, whichever you choose.
Visit nurseries, get recommendations, if you were here in Qatar, I could recommend a good one here that my son goes to.
With the nanny, interview, find out from friends colleagues/people who are leaving if they have a nanny/,maid that they can recommend. Even if the maid/nanny is unkown to you, say you want to meet with current employers. Don't bother sponsoring yourself, pay extra for them to live out, if you advertise, make sure you state you want someone who lives in your area so they can walk to work. Also, if you do go down the nanny route, spend time at least a week with them and your baby before you return to work and once you have returned to work, ask a neighbour/friend to drop by randomly to 'check up' on your baby.
Nursery, the reason to be careful here is that most good nurseries will not let you take your baby in if they are in the least bit unwell, they don't want the responsibility and also babies are germ factories, once one is ill, they all fall ill.
I appreciate your dilema, part of the problem is the really bad maternity rights here - 45 days, is so bad. In the UK you can take 1 year!
jjj75, I just hear a lot of horror stories about nannies here in the UAE, that, combined with the high cost of sponsorship here, makes me wary of employing one, especially as she would have to be a live out maid. On the other had, I worry about the kind of attention my baby will get at a nursery. Will he be ignored, or just left to lie in a crib all day?
Saw my colleague struggle with nanny for a while before she fired her & opted for nursery.. Some days maid not turning up late & on some days not turning up at all.If you can find a reliable nanny recommended by someone you know who has earlier used her services then fine else nursery.
Stealth is speaking from his own cultural prespective, which is fine but is not everyone's norm. Very unheard of in the west for the grandmother to move abroad to cater to the children/grandchildren's needs - I know my mother would not, she came for a month when my son was born and that was enough - I think I would have to pay her a million pounds to get her to come back to qatar.
In the end I have a combination of nanny/nursery. The problem with just nanny is that you are stuck if she is sick and the problem with nursery you have a problem if the child is sick. I have the best of both worlds
And live where? We have no space in our house for them, and they both have lives and jobs of their own.
isnt it possible for you to arrange your own mom or your husbands mom to come over for an extended period?
Well then we would starve. I'm sure my child would prefer to eat. Again, I asked opinions on Nannies or Nurseries, not whether I should work or not, that issue is not open for discussion.
quit the job for two years and then get back to work. dont miss motherhood for anything.....