An education for guys-- Nine Words women use

Yes Rishi there are times there are too many shortcomings and it makes it worse when a particular relative interferes in all affairs and it comes to a stage where it would be the ego of that person responsible for all the bitterness that follows.

But some are lucky if there are no children. Both can make a fresh start after getting over their frustration and anger. If they are then the emotional toll continues for lifetime.

drmana, thats right !!

thats right mehnis...its one of the shortcomings of the arranged marriage system. if the couple is not compatible despite genuine and continued efforts on both sides, its wise to formally annul it.

rishi, different people, different circumstances, different approach , different expectations and different results.

All I can say is "all the best":-)

Absolutely right Rishi. It is all a question of compatibility in thoughts,reasoning, values and lifestyle. This does not mean that both should be alike.

That would be like living with a carbon copy of oneself and that would be a disaster. Two individuals can live together with differences and how you learn to accept or overcome them is the key to a successful marriage.

There are many marriages which could be breaking up, saved through proper counseling. But there are a few that would be better to dissolved in order to allow the two to live separate but happier lives.

In fact I have counselled a lot of people in troubled marriages and that has helped them to understand issues better in different perspectives.

One marriage I could not save because the differences were too many. Total refusal to accept and I encouraged them to live apart because the constant fighting and screaming was affecting the two small kids. I thought that there was a chance that they could appreciate each other better by staying away but they went on to get a divorce after six months.

I think Rishi too would have given his best and maybe she too did but then there are times it is always better to annul such a marriage rather be enslaved in bitterness and mental exhaustion for both.

drmana, i dont believe in handling anyone or getting handled...lol

i quote, you said.."rishi, then you don't know how to handle your wife, try getting some tips from Mehnis"

if i learn 'handling' from mehnis, i would end up learning to handle HIS wife and not MINE..

i believed in natural compatibility and if its there, all other things like the one discussed above really dont matter.

all matured individuals need to do is to carry themselves in the way which is acceptable to the other without much strain on your part.

if you need to strain yourself mentally and physically much in and for long in order to the see the relationship survive, its better to say goodbye to each other before it takes a toll on you.

Well she too is like a kid and loves all the nonsense I do to make her smile and make her feel loved and appreciated.

ha ha ha Mehnis, thats what I sing for my 2 year old son:-)

Again DP

Does not work this way always drmana. I always tell her that if you want to fight go ahead but you will fight alone. I will never say a word no matter what.

TP

DP my friend Guru Meditation is back

You are my Sunshine My only sunshine

You make me happy When the skies are grey

You never know dear How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.....

Nursery rhyme I keep singing to my wife.

Anyway WK I just hope that this thread will make you understand that a successful marriage is not built on ego and position of superiority being a male.

What I have personally commented here is not a standard formula to handle all wives or women but to encourage men to try to understand them.

drmana, you, just like I, I am fairly sure ,are neither a feminist nor a marriage advocate. But we recognize a chauvinist when we see one. Or several, for that matter.

nomerci is right, I need to leave this as well...I am sounding like a feminist or marriage advocate now. lol

And WK, don't forget to throw party for us when you finally say yes......

Good, keep the vomit off QL for once nomerci :)

nomerci I just write what I think, I don't expect you to understand it.

WK, still experience counts. Get married and let us know if its all that bad to get married :-)

I need to leave this thread, it makes me want to vomit.

Enjoy your chappatti and what ever else your wives feed you with.

Haha not probably, marriage to a Jat girl is certain. Let's see how long I can keep running :P

Whytenight, yes, one does.

You , according to all the things I have read from you, have no idea whatsoever.

Wk You probably will get married to a lovely Jat girl who will feed you Alu Paratha, dum rice and great lassi. Then you will learn the art appreciation.

drmana one doesn't have to become a chef to know how the food tastes ;-)

WK, get married first and then we will talk. Relationships aren't so easy to make or break:-)

Oh comeon seriously, if someone is analysing their relationship so much and developing strategies for it then it's time to get out of that relationship. Just my opinion.

Rishi what you have experience could be serious lack of compatibility in thoughts, behavior, education and understanding.

Like I said earlier I would have lost it if I had got married to a woman with less education and experience.

Having a woman who truly cares in your life is like sunshine. Life is so much of fun and laughter. But then Rishi it will happen to you too. You will be taken and I think you will be very happy.

rishi, then you don't know how to handle your wife, try getting some tips from Mehnis.

Jokes apart, marriage isn't easy I agree...but shifting all the blame for it's not working on woman is just running away from one's responsibility. Woman are demanding but not more than men.

And about those special days Rishi, It is said " During PMS, women become what men are everyday" :-P

Mehnis, I am only talking about the emotional side of things, nothing else. And I stand , so far, by what I have said.

drmana, i dont wish to get married again...i have had enough..lol

Hey my wife is a full equal partner. She is a designer and she does what she wants to do and I do everything in my capacity to see that she is taken care of. I take her for client meetings, site inspections and help her with her bills and estimates, products, colors etc.

We are just talking about personal relationship where she has full freedom except she has that much control over me as I allow. So it works fine.

I care for her deeply and I am there for her 24/7

rishi, you should never get married with thoughts like that. Hope you find a girl whose love and devotion makes you feel that a little patience and pampering of wife is worth what you get from her.

And drama. Well it does happen at times but I just grin at them( both my wife and Mum) and say well it is good to shed tears once a way. Good to let out and it is very human to do so.

Mehnis, should a wife not be an equal partner? Are you giving your wife even a little chance to become one? I think not. I actually think that ,according to what you have written here, you are are patronizing and pompous.

And if I did not know you, I would have worded this far less polite.

Well that is partly true Rishi. But men are never good at mind games. Women are very predictable when you really understand them and quite brilliant when you credit them with the intelligence they have in some situations.

I am very happily married for one reason is that my wife has a very sharp mind which keeps me engaged all the time. I would have lost it by now if I had a wife who just said yes to everything.

I hope that men especially who are married try to get inside the 'devil's workshop' and see what makes it tick. Understanding their wives kind of thinking would make their lives more fulfilling with lots of fun be it at any age.

They actually needs very little that is very important. Not opulence or flamboyance but plain caring, pure love and a little pampering. Every woman is a little girl at heart no matter at what age. I must confess my biggest fans and admirers are mostly women including my grand mother, my mum, aunts and cousins. And not surprisingly most of my students are women some young some old.

mehnis, i was just noticing the reaction of the ladies on this thread of yours and i felt that none of the ladies really would feel themselves secure if they have such a patient and diplomatic husband like you..:)

women actually want dumb guys who would earn enough money outside, share all the household work and also dance to their tunes 24/7

all wives are a bit of drama queens at home and after some years of marriage the guy learns what's going to be the next scene of the show...:)

you cant win them anyways...cos they dont want smart guys like you neither they want you to be dumb.

they just need a punching bag..especially during those days.

My good friend Guru Meditation back in form

Different perspective surely with lots of innuendos. Pretty smart lady who uses her head for much more than just poking it in the hair dryer.

It's a summary of your post :)

Pretty intriguing Ghazalz ! I would definitely start worrying seeing what you wrote.

Mehnis, Fine, give me five minutes to say nothing and you go ahead 'loud sigh' that’s Okay, thanks & don’t worry about whatever you said :)

Oh surely drmana I am not so stupid. I am aware she gets furious when I don't get mad or react. And I am aware she might just walk away but then I have some more aces up my sleeve.

Nowadays these threats are bare minimum and tempests very rare. So, so far so good.

Thanks Happy for reading my musings but then writing comes naturally to me and I type very fast. So all in a day's work!!!!!!!

TP...another courtesy by Guru Meditation.

DP...courtesy Guru Meditation.

Mehnis....seriously man...you have patience....you can write soooooooooo much in one day....:) I am literally panting reading all what you wrote.....:)

Well I am always a ''goooooooood boy''' Nomerci. Never given anyone a reason to point fingers or complain. ( Discretion is an art)

DP again

Sigh !! Guru Meditation

Thank you. You know I love spending my spare time at home ribbing her and teasing her all the time. It is good fun. That is what is life about drmana. This humor and fun will make our sojourn here in the Sands of Time more worthy.

A total research report of women consists of nine words... great work..

DP

Thats so sweet of you Mehnis. Keep it like that. God bless.

Actually she is a sweetheart. Open hearted honest and sincere. I always say that I have two little girls and really sometimes I don't know which one is the younger one the other being my two year old daughter. I love to pamper her and make her happy. It is a delight to hear her laughing and behaving like a child. I never would want her to grow up.

Wish you all the best Mehnis and your wife too. I think she needs to be a little more clever to handle a hubby as clever as you are. LOL

Mehnis, don't take her threats so lightly. She may feel that her leaving doesn't matter to you and may actually walk out of the door someday. Being a woman, I wouldn't like my hubby not reacting to anything. It would flare my temper more than cooling it down.

Mehnis, she has no idea how to handle you? And you have the freedom to do as you like? Hmmm, does not sound to good to me.

Intelligence plays a small part drmana. you have to think like a woman to be effective. This way I have never ever shouted at her or yelled or fought or even 'TOLD' her to do something or asked her NOT to do something. I let her be and do not direct her life. I do everything for her and take care of her wants and needs and do some extra also. flowers chocolates gifts and so on.

She does not have clue how to handle me. And I have a free run to do what I want. And the best part is she does exactly what I want her to do WITHOUT me even opening my mouth or telling her!!!!!!!!!!

You definitely are an intelligent man:-P

Ha never happened that way as yet. However when you talk about dinner something happened just a couple of days ago. I was seriously doing something on the computer trying to help a girl in the U.S and she came over to announce dinner.

I just asked ' what is there??' without looking at her meaning was there a choice in the menu.

She answered 'Dinner--- Yes or no'

I just don't say a single word. Most times the storm apparently passes but in reality it is the eye of the storm . By this time she is totally frustrated confused and realizes that she was probably being unladylike.

The trick is timing here. I just go over and hug her and say something nice. Like how pretty she looks or how I love her eyes flashing and grin.

She then cools down throwing her hands up in frustration.

At times it is only the calm before another huge storm coming. Then I handle it differently.

Mehnis, then you must be sleeping on the couch in those days with or without dinner :-)

Ah that is very simple drmana. I just don't do anything don't say anything and keep on doing what I was. Most likely on the computer. There will be storms raging and screaming things flying around. I will just ignore everything

Lol Mehnis, where do you hide then? :-P

You are lucky I guess FU. Seen tempest in a teacup. For me sometimes it is with a capital T where I witness the whole tea pot throwing furiously hot steam all around and I get to see all shades ofrainbow colors on the face.

Most of the time we guys get it wrong and then phew!!!!!!!

Tempest..

Just had a FINE moment.. I just smiled and waved..

good one mehnis...i feel at home when i listen to such comments...:)

..nothing new to me.

Ahhhhh.... these advices are coming too late

FINE.... :P

the ones in the tea cup ;)

Been there, lived that!!

As drmana says "So True"

Regards!!

yes Mehnis, "SO true" indeed....:-)