Beer- more thursday humour!

gettin' ready for the weekend.......

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
> I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think
> about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
> and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
> of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
> to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
> dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
> ~ Jack Handy
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
> wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
> going to feel all day. "
> ~Frank Sinatra
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
> tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
> ~ Henny Youngman
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
> laughing WITH you.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
> I think not."
> ~ Stephen Wright
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
> we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
> When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
> get drunk and go to heaven!"
> ~ Brian O'Rourke
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
> us to be happy."
> ~ Benjamin Franklin
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
> retard.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Without question, the greatest invention in the
> history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
> wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
> not go nearly as well with pizza."
> ~ Dave Barry
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
> over and over again that you love them.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
> ~ Dave Howell
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
> converse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
> of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
> Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
> Here's how it went:
> "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
> can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
> the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
> at the back that are killed first This natural selection is
> good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
> whole group keeps improving by the
> regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human
> brain can only operate as fast as the
> slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
> know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest
> brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
> weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
> That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
>