More Thursday humour
I think this will offend most here..........
Swine Flu
!. When we had bird flu they killed off millions of birds
Now we have swine flu, they'll probably kill off millions of swine.
Can't wait for the next bout of asian flu.
2. Tried ringing NHS Direct about the swine flu, all I got was a lot of crackling.
3. Bored on your way to work on the tube, bus or train.
Pretend you're on the phone, talk about your 4 week stay in Mexico.
Hang up and sneeze.
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque. They've told the
public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by
mistake - both are in intensive care... one has a dodgy tikka and the
other one is in a korma.
During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling
tree. A spokesman for Birmingham Council said 'We didn't even know they
were living up there'.
Ethnic minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough
television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown
five times a week now.
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong's have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely Caucasian, white baby boy. "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents.
"Well Mr.Wong, what will you and Mrs.Wong name the baby?"
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we name him Sum Ting Wong.
I like the spotted dick one :)
suprised though, a frenchie with a sense of humour! Now that is a rare thing!!
I think this will offend most brits here..........
Swine Flu
!. When we had bird flu they killed off millions of birds
Now we have swine flu, they'll probably kill off millions of swine.
Can't wait for the next bout of brit-flu.
3. Bored on your way to work on the car.
Just drive over a brit.
Police in London have found a bomb outside emgee's house. They've told the
public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
Two scottish heroin addicts have injected themselves with pudding by
mistake - both are in intensive care... one has a spotted dick and the other one has a Black Bun.
...
I'm stopping here.
there won't be any asian flu. maybe in your dreams but definitely there will be white flu. this is a lesson for the swines i mean the pork eating people. if u don't stop now it will spread. more and more. i hope they don't let any people from the west to come in more. there were 2 cases caught at the airport as of what i heard.
one holiday, in the Mediterranean Super Cruise heading to Athens...there were various nationalities aboard, americans, spanish, qatari, filipino, chinese, japanese and so on....
150 miles off the shore, the heavy waves shake the cruise and tends to drown... not noticing, the Captain overlook the data that they were heavily overloaded...
with an immediate remedy, the captain told all the crews and passengers alike to threew to the sea whatever heavy belongings they have just to save the ship from the brink of sinking...
after all the ship recover a little from a dizzy shakes... while at last the captain has to announce that eventhough the ship had been emptied, within an hour, the ship will sink again if no once shall have to sacrifice themselves to throw themselves to the sea just to finally save the ship with all the rest of the passsengers from the brink of sinking... the captain with its crew.. calculated that at least 3 people to jump off shall save the whole ship.
a man of bravery, volunteer himself to threw himself to the sea for the goodwill of his homeland...
the american first step forward among the crowd... position himself at the tip of the cruise... and with a proud heart.... loudly shouts.... LONG LIVE AMERICA!!!! few seconds later, and jump off himself...
the people aboard claps expecting they may be save after all...
two more!! the captain yelled again at his megaphone...
the spanish with his bonded wide handkerchief tied around his forehead come forward... ran at the cruise tip and bravely shouts...."IN EL NOME DELLA ESPANIOLAS, VIVA ESPANIA!!!! and jump off the ship...
after that, there was a sudden lift felt on the floating ship.. the passengers calmly claps with contentment...
one last man more!! for the honor of your country... this cruise will award an enormous amount only to save this ship and all people aboard in it....
with bravity, the teenage young filipino move forward... the captain ask... will you sacrifice for your country? yes sir? the young filipini replied... "OK, the captain gesture giving him way...
at the moment, the young boy is doubtful... the hands trembles holding at the rope behind the cruise tip... the crowd shut and were winkless... the boy get down the deck floor and move a meter away... and then prayed... rising and falling... rising and falling.. and again ready himself for the sake of thousand passengers...
finally before throwing himself to the sea, hold his breathe and loudly yelled.... MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!!!!!!! and he pushed the chinese bending beside the rail..
the ship was save........
>
Trying to deiate from racist jokes..
How about ..
A snail gets jumped by three turtles. The police ask him what happened, he says, "I dunno! It all happened so fast!!"
thats gonna keep me laughing all weekend long,loooooooooooooooooool
Love the Korma joke .. Excellent..
Lol.........
Whatever you vividly imagine, Ardently desire, Sincerely believe and Enthusiastically act upon, Must inevitably come to pass.
You come out in rashers
Crying laughing ;-))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I will hoist that up the flag pole and see who salutes it!!
That's so British, it's not even funny.
hahahaha!