Mommy pls. dont GO
I left my son at the age of 1& 3months..so cute and adorable baby who started to call me ‘nana” instead of Mama. I remember him running after me when I get inside the airport. I was not able to see him even in the pictures for 3 years
But I kept on calling him so that he could recognize my voice even not seeing me.
Leaving my son was the most terrible, dreadful, awful & loneliest day of my life.
Working abroad and having a good salary is nothing when you knew that your baby was sick and you’re not there beside him.
Going back home after 3 years was the most joyful, & thrilled day in my life.
Since I arrived late at night my son was asleep in the car. I’m waiting to see him awake. I’m wondering how do he looks like? How do he smiles and speak? how does he moves and what would be his reactions when he will see me.
After 2 hrs of travelling he was awake at last but wondering who’s lap he’s sitting in. Hello son it’s mommy! He quickly move to his grandma and looks like he’s afraid of me. That was the 1st horror movie I’ve ever seen,,..but wait it’s not a movie!!. It’s a fact that my son doesn’t want to see me.
after 2 months living with him he still cant live without his grandma beside him.. quite a few of his attitude is unpleasant . I wanted to correct it but he doesn’t listen. My mom inlaw tolerates this kind of behavior.. spanking playmates and cousins seems like just fun with him. Eating while leaning his head on her shoulder,
He doesn’t’ want to be hold nor to be said. I cant imagined a 4 yrs old boy saying to me( it’s just happened that i came from you ,but your not my mom) that was rude!
I felt like an effective mom. hopeless to rectify son’s imperfection. I would like to punish myself for leaving him but taking care of other’s children. I’m a nanny, for 3 years doing this job I felt successfully caught. > in a sence that I did my job nicely.I learned to loved them and I felt they loved me too.
As a mom I never give up to win my son’s attention, respect and loved. I stayed with him for more than a year. After 4 months he learned to to kiss, hug and even loves to play with me always. He always wanted me to by his side. We always say I love you everyday. If someone of his classmates celebrates a bday, he always bring me something to eat. Yehey..my son loves me already..but then…. I need to go,I loved to stay but because of circumstances i couldn’t . We’re Financially down and need to have enough money to save for his education, food and hopefully could buy a small land to build a house.I saw my son's tears falls down while staring at me.
Life is too short. My son needs me. He’s growing up and basically mom should be at their children’s side. i miserably missed him..but most importantly... I worked for him. Forgive me my son.
I think the most important think is realization of the situation. There is no doubt, you've realized it. As I understood, you are ready to allocate as much time as possible to your lovely son in the days to come.
Something is better than nothing - hope you will use your valueable free time qualitatively for him whenever you have an opportunity for it.
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www.khetrajmainali.blogspot.com
You are not alone in this crasy world which is not always sweet ,i hope you will survive and your kid will understand such sacrifice
I know of my colleagues who have left their children back in the Phillipines and married again and living here in Qatar. What I feel is, to have a bond with your children it is necessary that they grow up with you and understand and love you and you in turn love them. I feel sorry for the kids left in their native countries by their mothers. I don't think it's worth it. Children will prefer your presence to the luxuries (the list of which will never end). Childhood is a beautiful period. Later on they will be busy with their own lives. I am a working mother with 2 children one aged 15 and the other 9. I do a straight shift duty and my husband does split shift to be with the kids.But I always miss my children even when I sit in the office.
PEACE BE UPON YOU,GOOD DECISION YOU WILL NOT regret it believe me it is so hard for any mom to feel guilt about her children,hope all will go well
guys thanks a lot. i'll be home this coming march to attend his PREPARATORY GRADUATON.
nadia -thanks for the prayers..i will be home just to attend his most special day coz in 1st semester of his class he was in top 2. because he was promised to me over the phone that he will study well so that he could see me (as what i promised to him that i will be in his graduation even he was not in top and it was a his and his 6th birthday too. . i know it will cost me a lot to be home,coz i will buy my own ticket since it's not my time to go home but it's okay..it's just only money.
in some point jackfrost is right.
PEACE BE UPON YOU,IT IS SO REALISTIC AND COMMON STORY YES I KNOW MOST OF THE WOMAN HERE ARE LEAVING BEHIND THEIR CHILDREN,and i do really feel sorry for you you seem to care so much about how your kid feels towards you,but if you would listen to me please go back money can buy him a lot but not the security he will have when you are near him ,try to work anything at your place even if he needs to be a working student at college it is ok i know in the phillipines to work while studying,believe me it will not take 4 months later to adjust to the idea of you being his mom ,i do not want to make it harder on you may god help you but if given the chance please go back i do have a nanny for my kids and i will feel so bad if she tells me she wanna go back but here i am telling you honestly what is true,even with little money he will survive,if you and his dad worked i think you will be able to make it to college,please promise him and yourself that this will be the last time and try to send pictures always for him and to call him over phone make yourself around him even if you are faraway,and make whoever is taking care of him to always talk to him about you and how much you love him and show him your pictures and send him some gifts for having good grades at school if he is in nursery,again may allah help you and him and bring you together soon
to have a kid is a blessing, but i know why u`re working abroad to support him and to give him the best. sometimes life is not easy, life is also about to choose something in between. if u feel sad, just remember that u give all the best u can do for him. hope it will help
You have a point Jackfrost....
It is always the lost that need my guidance
You can't teach experience...
so not worth it.
but sadly, you will need to wait for a long time. Child will never comprehend your sacrifices and expect the "worst" and deal with it early. I hope your mother or love ones who will take care of your child in your absence will bring him up in good ways for you, and you alone is answerable for what he become in the future.
Appreciation of your sacrifices will be known for what he become in the future!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
i m so sad after reading your post.u r a great mother.
may god bless you.
i feel sad but this is called life and its not fare with any one so live and fight
thats my rule, if you go down you will fall so get up and fight, think - plan and stick with your plan
Success is as high as hard you hit the ground
I feel so sorry for your situation.
You say you're a nanny, would the family you work for/with accept that you bring your son with you? it costs nothing to ask(you can promise that you would pay all his expenses, and please tell them your story).
This was one of the bitter sweet posts that I have read on QL- the heart of a mother breaking when she left her baby son to take care of other's children- the heart break when her son loves his grandma more than her and her jubilation when her son starts learning to love her, only to lose her again as she has to take up her job- I feel nannies and other women who work in Qatar alone, who have children at home, should be given the facility to bring them over here if they need to- for childhood is short and no amount of money earned can compensate a child for the time he /she needs to spend with his /her parents.
AP
i can feel what you feel sister, we are on the same shoe..i only hold on to the video that i took from him when he's one year and a half..... when i was knew here in qatar,i cant help but cry..esp if our kids patient kiss and hug me...i really miss my son too...
This is about survival. When I was young, my mom was not working. We lacked the basic necessities in life. It ws very difficult. I swore to myself that I'd rather be away from my children if that is the way that I can support them. I can not stay with them all day long but not able to provide for them. I know this is not my sole responsibility but not everybody is lucky enough.
I just think of the things that I have rather those that I don't have. I know when my daughters grow up, they will understand that I did things for reasons, THEM.
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Everything happens for a
reason.
Mehlove, I feel sorry at the situation you are in. But you make a proud parent, cause in this bad world there are mothers who sell their kids or kill their kids to suit their needs. I hope some day your son makes you proud, realizes your sacrifice and takes good care of you.
it's 1 yr and 3 months supernurse...coz at 9 mos. he was able to walk strenght already. :)
A family always comes first.. Your not at my shoes jackfrost..
I agree with you the more I earned money the more I spent and the more I wanted it. just for your information. My son’s needs not always a can of milk, pair of shoes or a one bite of hotdog.
The more he grew up the more I should work hard. I know our life will not end like this. I’m a mom full of Hopes..
If you heard the news (just updated today)A man killed family after he and his wife were terminated from jobs. I’d rather leave my kids if I need to work abroad than to kill them.
"No matter how desperate you are, no matter how frustrated you are, to think this was the only answer -- to take your whole family with you in death -- is just too much to understand.
I'm quite amazed! A 1 month and a 3 month running! Wow! Now that would be worth seeing!
the consequences.
I emphatize with what you feel. If I were you, go back to your kid...he needs you.
I went through the things you're experiencing now. It IS HARD. I lost count of the times I come home from work and my daughter was already sleeping. When she woke up, I already left for work. Sometimes, I had to leave her with my mother and not see her for 6 months, even a year coz I have to travel a lot due to my work.
Now that my daughter is almost 18...I missed her elementary graduation coz I have a business conference I can't miss. I missed her high school graduation coz I was hospitalized for 1 month due to overworking and fatigue and now, I'm gonna miss her 18th bday coz I'm here in Qatar and my vacation is scheduled December 2009.
I tell you, money can never replace a mother's care...decide before you miss out your child's growing up days and before you know it, your child has grown up and don't need you anymore.
I know...I'm almost at that moment...very soon.
what a sad story maybe in the end you and your family will be happy. now i realized that im lucky because eventhough i dont have a job , i have my family with me. i'ts a sacrifice but its worth it.
at the time,, but it always comes back and bites you in the bum.. i tell people all the time.. Do you want a family or money.... to me family always comes first.. but the more you earn the more you spend.. And the more you want... never leave your kids for whatever shitty reason you think at the time..Once gone.. You never get it back.. Be warned people...think before you have kids.. it is a big responsibility.. Not like owning a dog or cat.... think before you make one or have that accident with your boyfriend one night..
Folks don't leave your kids.....
i also feel for you mehlove. My younger sister also did the same to my dad. She was like 3 years old when she first met my dad as he was working here in Qatar. When my dad was about to pack his things because his vacation's over and have to leave for work, my sister suddenly asked my dad "are you going back to your home?" not knowing that my dad's already home and was about to leave his family again. My dad just smiled and hugged my sister. I saw tears rolling down my mom's face. I was still young during that time but it saddens me seeing my mom cry considering the fact that we'll be living again miles away from my dad. But that's the way it is. It really takes sacrifices just to support your family's needs.
As you say, after four months he was able to adjust and has accepted and forgiven you. It is not easy being a mother ...
Mandi