Who pushed ME...???
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
Who pushed him...???
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind.
and last one about our routine life:
Three women:
One engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet up for lunch.
The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my life. I love you." Then we made love all night long >
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night when my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"
have good evening to everybody!!!!!!!!
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind.
And about....
Custom declaration
A distinguished young woman on a flight from
Switzerland asked the priest beside her,
"Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair
dryer that is well over the Customs limits
and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there anyway you could carry it through
Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must
warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question
you"
When they got to Customs, she
let the priest go ahead of her.
The officer asked, "Father, do you have
anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist,
I have nothing to declare."
The officer found this answer very strange and
asked, "And what do you have to declare from
your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument
designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date,
unused."
Roaring with laughter, the officer said,
"Go ahead, Father."
"Next"!
that was real funny!:D:D:D:D
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"A LADY IS A WOMAN WHO MAKES A MAN BEHAVE LIKE A GENTLEMAN" Russell Lynes
hey that was funny! not everything is up for bargain
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind.
And else one:
A man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going away on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan,
so the man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked
on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the man
for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled. While you were away,
we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?
The man replies:
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41
and expect it to be there when I return'"
:)
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind.
Let's continue guys....
Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
T he second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
lol.. thanks guys
lolz... that was so nice...
who pushes ..?
there were the americans, Spanish, Filipini and Chinese in the dhow ship... one time at an unexpected event, the waves and winds suddenly gets stronger. the swaying dhow cant hold all the people riding in it unless somebody will jump themselves to the sea.
so as to save the rest of his fellow nationals... one brave american, stepped on the tippest front of the dhow and shout... LONG LIVE THE AMERICA!!!! then throw himself to the sea... the boat float better yet is not yet enough to hold the rest riding in it.
then there the spanish also followed shouting -- VIVA ESPAñA!!! then also threw himself to the sea...
the captain said... at least one man more to jump and this boat can manuever normally.
lastly... the Filipino volunteer himself...
"Captain! let myself be a sacrifice for these people here." the Captain gestures yes...
Yet instead of going at the boat tip, the Filipino went on the side railing of the boat, shouting... MABUHAY PHILIPPINES!!!! and pushes the chinese standing beside of him...
all the rest in the boat was saved...