Humor Quotations
"Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough
education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer - and so would the average lawyer."
-- Grace Allen (Gracie)
"It's foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who's going to win a race - but it's no sillier than asking anyone else."
-- Grace Allen (Gracie)
"Build a better mousetrap than your neighbour and Kraft Cheese will beat a path to your door."
-- Grace Allen (Gracie)
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
-- George Burns
"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."
-- George Burns
"For forty years my act consisted of one joke. And then she died."
-- George Burns
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring close-knit family in another city."
-- George Burns
"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere."
-- George Burns
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."
-- Johnny Carson
"Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president."
-- Johnny Carson
