violence - part of life?
We've been here 3 months now.
So far so good. Realy, no complaints about anything, just trying to find out our way of living here, to understand the local culture and mix (of everything).
I'd like to address one single aspect which keeps comming back: violence.
Don't think of high level violence to be brought to court.
It's the small things, but when you face them 3, 4 times a day... esp when your children are involved, then it may become an issue.
I do not want to tackle violence on the roads (light signals, middle finger, aggressive infiltrations...) but the one in communities where children are.
My son is not used at all with the kind of responses he gets from some 5-6 year old children in his class; when he makes funny faces or childish things to those kids he gets a foot in his bump, or a pinch. (This one I witnessed myself)
He was spanked on his face (not to hard, but STILL!!)because he tear off a page of HIS own book, he is pushed away so that other kid takes his place in line and so on...
And my son is an absolutely normal child, not a softie at all .
Well I mean all this kind of things that seem minor to be addressed to the teacher or some authority, but which MARK the way a child grows up.
I'm puzzled, what should I tell to my son?: isolate yourself?, hit back?,tell to an adult each time it happens?, get used to this?....
Anybody with same experience, who can share?
thanx all for your support, kind words, and for sharing your experiences and views. I really appreciate it and makes me feel more..... relieved.
It's good to know that this IS an issue, that other parents face it also and I will allocate some energy to deal with it.
,
I read all this and get very sad....sad because so many kids has to experiance these kinds of things...
...I just want to give worried parents outthere some comfort. I have a 4- 8- and 9 year kid. We have just been here for 1 year, live in a multicultural compound and have different nationality at school.
....our experiance is great and my kids are very happy and they learn a lot.
My kids love their school and their friends at home
There is light in the tunnel!
Victoria
Crista, your child is only 6 and you are having such heartache having him facing this kind of problem & I have been in such a position before and let me tell you Crista there will be more to come -this growing up problem is bound to happen in every school.
The only solution is to have a talk with the teacher regarding this issue and hopefully the teacher can be of help or else you just have wait for the year to pass and hope for the next year to be a better classs for your child.
Good luck and be patient as this is growing up problem of children.
dont give wrong advice. The weaker child will from then on not only be hit but hit hard and by all.
Parents can & should have constant interraction with school administration & the class teacher to control the situation. An eye for an eye is not the solution for anything.
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tell the child to hit back as hard as possible! Bullies will soon steer clear....no point being a pansy in this day and age....
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
Hi,
I think you need to accept this unfortunate truth and take some positive measures. My 8 year old who is physically challenged was continuously beaten up by a school bully ,and regularly came home with bruises. One day he just cried and said he wanted to die.!!
However when we approached the school authority they took all the care so that it was never repeated. Now my child is really happy to go to school.
My son also had a similar situation & he goes to a good school. This is called bullying which starts in any school among boys from the age of 6-7 yrs or so.
But the moment these episodes kept increasing and new things started happening like non-interest in writing homework etc etc, I was worried and did check with the child psycologists and neurologists. There I got the root of the problem. He was diagonised with some special need requirement. Now guess what, when the same class mates were told by their class teacher about the actual special needs of my son - the behaviour of most of these kids changed and many of them now even help him in what ever form they can.
These kickking and tearing of books still happen but at a much much lesser occassions then before.
I realy hope your son does not have any special need requirement.. but what will you loose except some professional fees to confirm and be satisfied.
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Abu could you please provide me with the name of that school aswell?? we just came and are still going through the process of picking the right school for our kids( not that we have too many choices at this point. I would realy like to know the best and worst school of qatar.
Dear all,
one question : could anyone tell me which part of people are muslim in your country?
one remark : We can also explain violence with the great amount of nationalities. Mix doesn't work maybe ?
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Regards.
Abdelkader
...I have nieces and my bestfriend's son whom I take out to the mall sometimes. One time we were at a mall with my bestfriend and her kid, just strolling and suddenly the kid (3yrs old)started crying and pointing at something. It was a girl (maybe 5ish) wearing this little devil grin on her face, apparently what she did was she sneakily walked behind us and pulled his hair, obviously it hurt because the wouldn't have cried if it didn't. We didn't see what he did, he could have given her the face or whatever but he never let go of my hand so he couldn't have hit her (I wish did actually). So, what I did was I held the kid on one hand and my best friend on the other and while I was giving the naughty girl the look, we walked towards her and I asked her where her parents trying to wear a calm face so she wouldn't run away. But, of course I had to ask her a million times because she didn't speak english, I even tried talking in their language. Finally, the women the girl was with, whom btw let this kid gallivanting out of their site while they were inside a shop, came out of the shop and saw me talking to their kid. They asked us, mainly me, what was the problem (in their language) and so I asked this lady, with her face covered, if she was the mom, but whether she was or not, I just told her, with my constant hand pointing gesture, that she should discipline her kid and if possible, not to attack kids in public because in a normal environment, people, especially kids, don't just do things like that and they were lucky I didn't pull their kid's hair back. But of course, we knew it was a waste of time because we were almost certain they didn't get a thing we said. How? Well when we looked back at them they were just laughing and smiling at each other, probably telling the little girl, "Oh we are so proud of you, good job!" So I told my bestfriend's kid, "next time someone hits you and you didn't do anything, hit them back twice as hard" But of course that was just me being annoyed at those women.
Bottomline, we can't teach other's how to raise their kids but can raise ours how we want. If I was a mom, I would probably tell my kid the same thing as what I told my bestfriends kid. I wouldn't want my kid to bullied, neither be a bully.
“They say you can't live without love. Tell them oxygen is more important!.”
- G. House
Alexa:"....and the above mentioned behaviour comes from each and every nationality present."
Agree with u on that. But kids being kids might get influenced by a particular incident coming frm kids of a particular nationality .
Yeah its really hard. But wht we need to recognise is that there is no way a kid can be protected thru out and to a limit, being bullied can be beneficial to kids. He/she does need to be able to handle aggression. Boys especially can be greatly benefited at this age from a male role model they look upto.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
in a school, bullying fellow kids is quite normal. the only thing I can suggest is that, keep on boosting your child, with a best advises, interact him with a "mom & child" conversation, a conversation which will build confidence on himself. teach him what is right & wrong, enhance his decision making and that way, he can able to learn from you good things that he will carry on himself to be a good child.
another thing, you should avoid not seeing him being bullied, I know it hurts to see your child that way, but sometimes, not seeing what you don't know, won't hurt you.
It's not a violence, better yet, its a part of school life.
Don't worry that much, I'm sure you'll cope with it and your child will overcome this peer encounters.
part of the reason for being here is to give the kids an exposure to a different culture. No point in going before they are old enough to experience it.
We teach our kids self-respect and karate. They love the former and have never used the latter. They are constantly reminded karate is ONLY for self defence, but knowing they can handle themselves is a great confidence booster.
Are you here for good or are you planning on leaving Qatar at any stage? Its horrible reading all the threads, we are leaving before our son gets to school age. If you are not stay ing in Qatar forever have you considered home schooling until you leave? Have you ever heard of Steiner Schools? They are amazing but there are none in Qatar - surprise surprise! Good luck, you are obviously a good parent so despite the problems in Qatar your son is loved and has good role models who love him.
This is deep. Alexa did make a good point that the violent kids come from all nationalities and backgrounds, but he common denominator is: they alive in Qatar. They rub shoulders with kids from all over the world...many who grow up in an agressive environment.
I'm thankful dd is not a ds because girls are not so rough and aggresive. The roughs in dd's 3-year-old are all boys.
Unfortunately, I've developed racist opinions since coming here, and some of these have rubbed off on dd. "He's 'X-nationality' of course.", OR "Look, there's another crazy 'X-nationality' driver!"
We will soon be leaving our present uni-cultural compound and move to a multi-cultural compound in my new job. I fear what dd will encounter in the playground. I usually take dd to the playground and she gets on witht he other kids nicely here (sorry Alexa). But who knows what she'll encounter in a multi-cultural compound?!?
could be 2:
-he is in a new environment, with lots of kids arround him, but NONE is his friend (his friends are the ones the left back in his old school), so that's why he may be a bit pushy to interact with other kids
-and his age where, where he absorbs all the not-to-be-done things...
I am just concerned about what I can do. That's why this thread to see other opinions.
Thx.
simply that, in our experience, it SEEMS to come from one.
Our guys have 50+ nationalities at their school, and the behaviour being discussed just doesn't happen there. Maybe we are just lucky in that regard?
my mama used to always tell me, whoever hits u, hit them back.. hard..
and formyself, i believe that did pay off.
its either that, or me usually having the size advantage.
But all in all, try not to worry. violence would have never existed in a perfect world. and that is someplace we dont live in.
Hopefully he will grow to mend with the society, and with your support, be able to get through whatever obsticals.
ooh and one more thing i think is important, sometimes too much interference back fires in the future..
... and sadly it all seems to come from one nationality. The parents do not appear to be interested, and the maids cannot/will not discipline the little darlings, so they have none of the normal checks we might provide for our own kids - such as a simple "don't do that". Interestingly, it only happens 'outside', not at school where there are clear rules and authority figures.
To Winn's comment, mine (8 & 10) already have an open dislike for certain nationalities. We correct them, saying not all are like that, but in the face of repeated behaviour, it's becoming harder to disagree.
I suspect it's the downside of being a stranger in a strange land.
Just wait till he's gets older and he gets all the Arab kids telling him about how Hitler and Osama Bin Laden are their heroes and he's unable to actually learn anything beyond Middle Eastern propaganda about Israel and the West.
Visit www.qatarhappening.com
and, Winn, at this age - at least my son, listens, looks, and immitates any other kid he sees.
The children he interacts are his role models.
Yes, our role as parents needs to be very strong here, but unfortunately it is not always the only followed one.
Esp with boys...:-)
he will soon be 6.
And it is not only school.... it is also the playgrounds, or in the queues in Carrefour (let's say), when he interacts for seconds with another kids (some, of course!!!), and he gets back (quite often) reactions of the said violent kind.
Sadly, this is the environ in which our kids r gonna grow up.
Wudnt b surprised to hear 7 yr old kids start saying"I hate kids of X/Y/Z nationality!"
In my opinion, u just cant show him a line that he can walk on, tht wud stifle his individuality. But u can always step in n correct him wen he is being too passive/too aggressive.
In other words, u can show him, wht lines r better not crossed instead of drawing a line n tellin to walk on it!
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
solution.. take him to a better school.
intervene... inform the guidance counselors about those bullies
let him focus on studying... take him to a school that has better culture.
to be honest i am terrified for my son who is going to school this september, every mom i think worries like hell for the sake of their kids, i just keep on asking myself " how did i handled all of this when i was a kid?" i really couldn't remember because i grew up in my own country it is really different when you are in a new turf i don't think i can help you but i think your thread will be really helpful for me and a lot of moms out there who is worrying like us. how old is your child? is he going to school? where?
TO BE OR NOT TO BE,THATS THE QUESTION!