Can former lovers be a /stays as friend/s?
Here I go again... ;-)
For any type of relationship to work, one should not hide their past.
The current partner may feel insecure but then again, we all feel insecure in our relationship once in a while. Communication, trust and honesty are the main ingredients of a successful relationship.
For me, I would like to have my past ex-es to remain friends with, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, I know it's impossible.
So unless the two of you were the best of friends before; both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup; both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people and have both instilled a total honesty policy, I believe it’s better to leave the friendship behind... along with the memories.
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I guess this thread is worth reviving since most topics here are about relationships...
Any one can stay as a freind, one must always be freind.
Live and let live...
I know that you got to let a lot of water pass under the bridge before any kind of friendship can take place. And you're not really going to get that full fledged kinship that you did before things got intimate. It's all far too platonic. So, in my opinion, it becomes more of an acquaintance after a good many years... if that.
if I would ever be in that situation.
And if ever, I would never hide anything to my new beau (if that would be the case) as I would not have him hide anything from me as well...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
maybe something got deleted?
In response to the question in the thread, which I think was about whether former lovers can still be friends.
I am still friendly will all my former boyfriends (the ones who I am in contact with and are still alive, that is!). One is a problem - he still wanted to be friendly with me and his girlfriend didn't like that.
Not my problem. His.
good to have good relation with ex-es..alot of benefit..can ask some help of information and so on..ehehehe I'm the only one who is strange here
Time heals all wounds...
just like what happend to me & to my ex-bf for 7 yrs.
"Even if LOVE is full of thorns, embrace it. For in between those thorns there is a ROSE that's worth all the PAIN."
yea, but it depends on people thou
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No human can stop racism.
Anyways...i do wish I'm a doctor.
But I'm NOT...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
Do you like DR. Phil?Are you some kind of lost tribe of head shrinker from the Amazon jungle?I'm going to start calling you Doctor Aziliana.J/k Do you know Mexican Judo? Could you run faster than 2,550 FPS?
You can't teach experience...
Its like half here and half there, so better stop communication with ex
it depends upon the situation...
Are both of them willing to be friends again?
"Even if LOVE is full of thorns, embrace it. For in between those thorns there is a ROSE that's worth all the PAIN."
yes you did Azilana and thats what counts , what makes your daughter happy...hats off to you , its very hard raising a child on your own...
and it's kinda hard...Anyways, i did do my part as a parent...my only consolation.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
Of course Azilana, if your daughters not comfortable with it its fine, however my hubby and his ex have a boy and they arent friends and cant have a conversation which doesnt turn into an argument and i feel sorry for my step son, as he has told me he hates it and i can understand why, to him they are his parents and doesnt understand quite yet all the other stuff.
Well. I confess, she's the only ex I keep in contact with!
...but that's more her doing than mine! If it was up to me, I probably would never ring her, but she just turns up at my door and drags me out every month! I care for her well being, but nothing more going on!
Not at this point in time...
Made several mistakes before and it's not a nice feeling,that i can tell you. But i'm happy for you that you could do so...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
personally speaking (again)...
I still maintain an open communication with my daughter's dad (and his wife)and with my ex-in laws. Though it's my daughter who wanted to sever the ties and she got her reasons why...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
I have to disagree! It depends on the all the individuals involved. My ex and I are very good friends! and we broke up nearly 3 years ago!
I just feel sorry for her current boyfriend!
I dont believe its possible, very few people can manage that. Although if you had kids involved it would be good to remain friends to a degree for the sake of the children. Theres nothing worse for kids if their parents dont talk to each other after break ups..
If your ex is a good friend he will understand and back off in the hope that you will find happiness!
it's kinda awkward, really.
Especially if the "new" partner made you aware that he's not cool with it (personally speaking)...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
Just ignore the above posts...you know who was who then and now
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
Sorry for that but chck for those love stories that was my point and not on the extra marital affairs point.
the topic is friendship between ex'es after they married someone else. It's NOT EXTRA_MARITAL AFFAIRS...
Go and watch a bollywood movie Majority of the themes revolve around the topic of love and extra-marital affairs.
What for??? Once its ended thats it.
"RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT"
Hope you don't mind me asking but what's a TS?
"RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT"
I don't understand what the point is the TS wanting?
it's a "no no" for me...
"Of likes and dislikes, there should be no disputing... Live and let live!"
... at least not if the feelings are too strong
I think it's possible, but not while one party still has feelings for the other.
Even when the break up is not mutual friendship is possible … either that or I’m really lucky! I think it depends on the maturity of the individuals involved ….
the most important part or being in touch with a friend is that .. no matter how close you are with her / him, you will always have this invisible line which you do not want to cross, either you admit or dont .. you will be always concious about your conversations with him / her ... friend ? yeah .. but it would be just a regular friend... and trust me on this ... either you want or dont want .. or lets say no matter how strong you are .. you are Bound to have that one small conversation with him or her about the past ... its not intentional but it just happens .. if you can face the past .. then hell yeah ! you can always share / think about the good ol time and share a laugh .. but remember .. Do Not get Senti !!! Past is Past .. look around you ... i am sure we are where we are now for a reason and we should be proud and happy about it :))))
but pssstt ... do make them jealos once in a while .. i get some really sick pleasure out of it .. dont ask me y .. heheh
I think it's a pretty rare situation that a break up is mutual.
Ex-es shared part of your life with you, at least the important ones … you can’t cut them out! I understand that if one of the two still has strong feelings for the other there could be no friendship but if the relationship is really over and both are aware of that then why not stay friend?
That's a comment worth reading...
"RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT"
Oh I dumped him! LOL. That's just the last thing he said to me. :P
From the way I see it, if he loved/loves you, there should be no conditions as you have loved him unconditionally.
(Maybe) He wants you to linger while he goes his merry ways and if he makes a wrong decision, he thinks he can just go back to you because you're there as his friend.
If he really loves you and knows that he cannot give to the relationship as much as you give, he should be wise to let you go and move on. But it's really up to you, if you're willing to do it.
But for me, you're young, successful, a career woman...you'll be better off with a MAN who will treat you like a QUEEN and love you next to his life.
"RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT"
well it depends on how things were between you two, i have two X`s and both married ... and i am really close with one of them, we talk abt anything in general, except the part i dont want to talk about is her hubby and i try not to disclose my personal life to her ... well.. i do .. just to make her jealos :) i know i am evil .. but hey .. no more comments b4 i get bombed :)))) and the the other X she gets too sentimental .. discussed with a few friends about her .. and conclusion is that prolly shes not happy with her marriage or something .. and comes in now n then to try n get some attention from me ...
if u ask me.. Xs will remain Xs, we have moved on in life so we call them X ... so whats the whole point on keeping in touch with them ... if you can handle the past like me .. and have no more feelings in you, you can be in touch with them or her .. but if it is going to affect your current life and you going into the time machine n thinking about her all the time .. then naaah not worth it .. in the end ..... coming to reality ... lets get on with our Lives !!!
My latest ex ended things by saying that if I couldn't remain friends with him then I didn't really love him. :? I've been pondering on that one.
As I said at the start, I do wish I could remain friends with my ex'es, it's quite impossible. Why it is? Because you shared a lot when you were together, all the bickering, passion, emotions, secrets, all those stuff, you knew each other like the back of your hand.
And letting go is one thing that's very hard to do. It can be considered an unconscious selfishness wherein you want to move on and turn a new leaf in life but still clings to the past because he/she have made a difference in your life and you don't want to lose it.
Some people will not understand the complexity of the topic. They will scoff and scorn at the idea because (maybe) they are haven't experienced it in their young, naive lives. They may claim that they had or deny that they haven't but the only one who will know who's telling the truth or not is the person they see when they look in the mirror.
"RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT"
Sure it is lamb, just like the assumption that Sputnik is cutesrk. :P
The assumption that you are DG is absolutely baseless.
No wonder you look so happy! ;)
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Buick's new car is called 71.
It carries two in the front and 69 in the back
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www.e4u.name.qa
I have some good friends among my ex, at least among those that are still talking to me …
And I'm not DG. :P
Haa nw thats equally ridiculous like i said in all my posts earlier gal i m not garnering support for cutesrk ur assumption is absolutely baseless....
He's rejoined the forum as Sputnik.
His verbosity is garbage to u, perhaps not the rest. This is called clash of cultures.. His culture bashing sounds rude to u but not a hundred millions who die in poverty today and feel the pinch of money ........
The where is he His name still doesnt appear on the list of online users. Neither i m excessively supporting his arrival but the issue is pretty similar, in a forum views are expressed and not imposed like the Taliban, on the contrary out here mere expression of views are perceived as rude and the justification for banning is absolutely baseless.
You say in your post "I never contradicted any of your/Cutesrk posts because they have good points in it. It's just that those threads end up in culture bashing and posters against posters."
When has cutesrk or sputnik ever made a good point? News to me. Seems to me that all their so called points are verbal diarrea or just complete garbage.
had better live as we think, otherwise we shall end up by thinking as we lived. - Paul Bourget
Cutesrk hasn't been banned. :P
Its not a one-way traffic.. Case closed ...
Now dont tell me to go elsewhere How can such subtle thngs be easily ignored These are controversial topics which have to be discussed in the open So blatant remarks are also acceptable though within certain limits....
And by the way i ve never done it or experienced it myself I m not a hypocrite.....
To answer your question...
Before I create a topic,
1. I read/research on it, make sure that I will not go overboard before I post it. I know I'm in Qatar, I know the restrictions.
2. I THINK of what and how QL members will react. Considering that this forum has members of different nationalities ( including non-Christian), I WOULD NOT DREAM OF OFFENDING ANYONE (unlike some people here who strives on annoying others).
3. It's THE REAL LIFE...it's happening that's why everyone could relate. Don't be SUCH an HYPOCRITE because with your reaction/posts, it will look as if you never experienced it yet...
4. I never contradicted any of your/Cutesrk posts because they have good points in it. It's just that those threads end up in culture bashing and posters against posters.
5. If it's offends you, you can always ignore this forum topic and go elsewhere. Create your own post so we could comment on that as well.
6. Qatari will definitely call my attention (thru the forum/PM) that I'm crossing the line.
7. "RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT"...you understand what it means, right?
Thats ok but the jargon is excessive ........ Wish the ban on cutesrk is lifted imagine what he wud respond to this crap..... Ahaa The delusion of the illusions is really worth the hallucinations....
Thats ok but the jargon is excessive ........ Wish the ban on cutesrk is lifted imagine what he wud respond to this crap..... Ahaa The delusion of the illusions is really worth the hallucinations.... Did i make any sense rite now?
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The ineffable difference is the conclusion of the delusion of the illusion of the cultural disparity between the corrupt and evil west and the pure and morally decent east. This discussion would only occur in western kayaks on Everest. The CIA did it.
had better live as we think, otherwise we shall end up by thinking as we lived. - Paul Bourget
I agree with Stealth sheer nonsense
Nonsense, nonsense
"If your number one goal is to make sure that everyone likes and approves of you, then you risk sacrificing your uniqueness and, therefore, your excellence."
Well the difference there Sputnik is that Azilana's posts make sense and have a point, nobody knew what you/cutesrk was talking about. Also it's in the way one presents their issue. She is talking about things everyone can relate too, not just anti-Western drivel.
Luk when cutesrk posted a topic regarding Playboy & some crap abt westernization the whole forum was in for banning.... Now how different is azilana's topics vis-a-vis cutesrks topics both deal with society and impact of westernization in a way....
In my experience, the anwer is yes. The friendship of the former lover can survive marriage but the marriage cannot. I now have a great friend (who was a former lover) an an ex-wife. Go figure
had better live as we think, otherwise we shall end up by thinking as we lived. - Paul Bourget
Way to go azi!!! whats wrong with azilanas topics? gypsy is right her topics gets really popular and it's worth talking for...=)
Yeah b'coz u just love these controversial topics :) plus we always get to hear ur views on these nice things tht azilana picks to talk about...
I like azilana's topics. I think they've been very popular.
Someone ban azilana for posting two useless topics Whats the diff between love & sex and the second one above
This is want we call playing with Danger. Highly not encouraging.
I can realllly tell Darude.
Lol.
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" God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you to become a brilliant gem. "
Have no problem doing it, but ya I guess checking your way of doing it.
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" God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you to become a brilliant gem. "
just had a cup of milk tea STRONG ONE :)
Are you asking me how I do it Q__View?
Darude, how many espressos have you had this morning?
Perhaps a triple dopio?
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" God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you to become a brilliant gem. "
Once out is always Damn out Dont give a damn go to hell get lost :)
True.
How do you do that emotional leap in one step though?
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" God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you to become a brilliant gem. "
I can't stay friends with ex's. Impossible. When it's over it's over, move on and get out of my life.
Friends can be lovers..but i dont think lovers can be friends...at some point they will have the same feeelings they had before.
Hmm...
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" God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you to become a brilliant gem. "
It all comes down to trust and communication between the couple. I can speak from my own experience, I'm very much close to one of my best girl friends, met her fiance who later became her husband. they are so open to each other, to an extant that on their wedding day, I danced the whole night with the bride and everyone kept asking who is that guy the bride keeps dancing with and not her husband...the husband replied: Her life long, best friend....its all about trust and integrity between the couples.
Azilana y u scandalizing every 1 so early in the morning :)
Unpredictable.
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" God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you to become a brilliant gem. "
Tricky.
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" God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you to become a brilliant gem. "
Risky.
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" God allows life to be rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you into dust, but to polish you to become a brilliant gem. "
Pathetic topics u come with relations and making love and now ex partners what r u upto GET real and grow up get a life :/
In my opinion - NO! But hey, thats just me, and my views may be a little tarnished based on the relationship ive had / am having...
I believe if you stay in contact with your ex lover once your married then your just inviting trouble into your relationship, you shared intimacy with that lover and with intimacy comes emotions. It is not fair to your new husband/wife to bring your past relationships into your current relationship. That should be all left behind because NOTHING good will come of it. For some they may go back to their ex lover for a little dish on the side if you know what i mean, for others it will just bring jealousy and pain either to your current spouse (jealous of the intimacy you had with your ex) or jealousy from your ex because you moved on. All in All its not worth it. Of course there are exceptions but they are rare and few between.