The advantages/disadvantages of living together
I'm curious to see what people think are the advantages or disadvantages of living together before marriage. In Canada it's now considered a natural, and in many cases, a requirement before considering marriage. Yet, here and other countries, people aren't even allowed to date before marriage, much less live together.
For me I think it's a neccessity to see if I truley can live with that person, and I don't think I would ever agree to get married unless we tried living together first.
Anyway, what does everyone else think?
Maybe one advantage of not living together or dating seriously before marriage is that you really look at the person who you might marry and see them for who they are. You are not blinded by love and can really see who they are and how they act and what kind of a person they are.
That said, I would not want to marry somone without knowing them and dating them for a long time!
tra la la
u can stay like a couple ..unless u keep it a secret from ur landlord.all the best/
You have a great day out with all your family and friends, you and your betrothed are the center of attention for a day and you get a vacation afterwards.
That's about it as far as I can tell.
The time has come to substitute caution for courage. Martin Luther King, Birmingham, Alabama 1963
But diana K, but what if I meet the guy I want to marry and want to live with him a while before we get married??? I can't do that here, which means I can't get married.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
DONt ever think of such living in QATAR.other places outside gulf may be ok.
Habibah, I agree completely.
Richard, I think the only men who want virgins are very insecure men.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
there is a reason why rich people buy ferrari, they look for experience and good engine.
Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand
charan i heard about this place and its aweful truth. please dont take us there with your thread. is so sad.. starting from 8 years old they sale the virginity. so sad...
Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand
I prefer second hand virgins. Unless they are Danish.
The time has come to substitute caution for courage. Martin Luther King, Birmingham, Alabama 1963
Richard - You can buy Virgins in Rural areas of Thailand :)
What difference does it make? Are people really so insecure that this would be a problem? Do people really want virgins as marriage partners? Why?
I knew a virgin once many years ago when I was 18. She was 22 year old virgin who was actually 27 and was in reality an ex virgin. Didn't bother me at all when I found out. I did wonder why she lied though.
She was the only virgin I ever knew intimately and even then, she wasn't much of a virgin.
The time has come to substitute caution for courage. Martin Luther King, Birmingham, Alabama 1963
I don't really see the difference between getting hitched and living together.
It seems pretty much the same thing.. unless as a non muslim you just want to see if he/she is any good in bed. But then you don't have to live together to test the waters out now do ya.
I guess I should clarify myself here.. in that if the committment is loong..then whats wrong with making a promise to each other.. of marriage.. and ever lasting love... as opposed to just living together in limbo.
For me.. if I have someone.. I'd want it to be forever. And if we were completely different.. then hopefully we would both want to make it work and compromise so we can get on together and raise our children.
the idea of breaking up a relationship is almost the same feeling as someone dying and never seeing them again. How can we love someone one minute and not the next. It all sounds very very fickle!
My new guy go back to his vomit???
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
gpy, u'll not tell anyone, when he sure come back or your new guy goes goes back to his "vomit"
a free world!
Life’s……...[img_assist|nid=61048|title=...|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]TRUE BLUE
HAHA there's no way my first love is coming back deji, not after what he did to me.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
gyp. heared first love/ friends... always find ther ways back?
Life’s……...[img_assist|nid=61048|title=...|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]TRUE BLUE
life is full of challenge and opportunity, if you wise enough and learned from your mistake inshaallah you will find the next person as your best soulmate.
Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand
Well I've already lived with one guy, so the next would be number 2. Current guy doesn't care at all if I lived with someone before.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
gypsy. what if trials, doesn't work, how many p'ple would you end up living with before the right guy comes along? would the past be fair on mr right?
no judgement pls, just wanna know.
Life’s……...[img_assist|nid=61048|title=...|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]TRUE BLUE
kudos to you Gypsy...
Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand
traehslegna, My parents are perfectly ok with me living with someone before marriage, in fact they want me to, so I don't make a mistake. My God is also ok with it.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
In eyes of God and in people's eyes, living together without marriage is wrong. Even your parents will not agree. Your both attitude can test even you are not in one room or one house. Even you are in one house with your fiancee you cannot see the real him, you will find the real him if the paper is signed and legal. He have no any assurance that you will marry him after you see his attitude. ofcourse he will show you all the good things because he have no assurance that you will stay for him for a lifetime even on his bad side.
Marry first before living together. Do what is right, and walk in God's eyes way.
every other person's suppose to be the others keeper. living togetehr before marriage isn't together a bad idea, but consents of individuals guide, guardian or parents should not be overlooked.
so where do we go from here...
Life’s……...[img_assist|nid=61048|title=...|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]TRUE BLUE
CB - Irrespective of the religion.
If that is the case then maybe you shuld take a look at Diamondgirls post from yesterday on the "Abuse of Women/Girls".
No.The Asians beleive that the Man must have experience before marriage and Woman must be Fresh :)
Is that the Asain Christians you are talking about???
Well Said HiQatar.
Charn please dont start again with your usual..........
i mean, remain a virgin until marriage if you want your wife to be a virgin ... :o):o):o) ...
You always say you want a virgin ... dont you want to remain a virgin ??? ...
Yup, you can find a "virgin"
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
Gypsy - "Cyprus and Lebanon". so I can find a Virgin in these 2 places easyly. In other words "Satisfaction Guranteed"
Hmmm, I hope so. Then of course there's always finding out your husbands a cross dresser I guess in that case living together before marriage could help...."Honey, where are all my bras going???"
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
That’s a major issue you face after marriage, my hubby is very organized he want everything to be in place and in order… but am just the opposite. At first it was very difficult, but after years passed by if I keep something out of place I will just remember his yelling and take a moment to put it back in place. Same with him, if he see something out of place he just keep it in place instead of asking me why cant I STILL keep things in place. Its difficult to change but we get used to each others habits in due course.
When we were kids my brothers room is very clean his books are in place. My mom often shouts at me when she find my books all around the house... LOL
No worries Gyps its not a big deal when it comes to reality....LOL
You're right Charan, you have to go to Cyprus and Lebanon to get it done.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
I Agree
qatarisun - "Nowadays you can restore your virginity by simple surgery...lol... "
Either Technology is not available, no access to the facility or too poor to afford the surgery.
BTW Gov. hospitals don't perform that surgery in Asia.
Hmmm, the person would have to be awfully keen to marry to keep up the act!
Honestly the thing that keeps going through my head is what if he can't stand how disorganized I am and divorces me once he realizes that! Or what happens if I can't stand how organized he is!
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
Don’t you think they will be in their best behavior in that period because if he/she badly want to marry the other person and once they are legally wed they start showing their true colors because they are committed? I don’t think living together for a certain period gives the clear picture of a persons character/ habits. If we are in love we will know in and out of the person even if we are not literally living with him.
My cousin in US (born & raised there) lived with her ex husband for an year or so. But their marriage did not last for one year. So I don’t think living together will end up in happy marriage in all cases. But as you said a couple can live happily without marriage for years if both of them are committed to the relation even if they don’t believe in the institution of marriage.
I know couples who've lived together for over 50 years, had children, etc. Never got married because they didn't believe in marriage.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
nowadays you can restore your virginity by simple surgery...lol...
yes Gyps, it's enough in Canada to live together 2-3, in some cases even 1 year to be considered a married couple...
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This Too Shall Pass.....
[img_assist|nid=71431|title=magic ring|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
It's up to the couple I guess Khanan.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
How many test and trial will be required for the person to decide????
for how many days/months/years living together... should one decide that he/she got perfect match...???
See ... you are right in your sense ... and I appreciate that ... but in the east its a different story ... esp in India ... Losing virginity before marriage is social taboo ... and children of unmarried parents is also a taboo ...
sometimes you are also right as long as its not only 'sex' ... but when 'sex' comes into the picture, it gets ugly ...
all the best for you to get the Partner you are looking for ...
My husband and I lived together for about year before we got married. We moved in together after getting engaged, mostly to save money by not maintaining two places of residence since we were together all of the time anyway. And I have to say there was certainly an adjustment period of getting used to each other's little habits. lol !! But here we are 18 years later and still going strong where most of our friends who married around the same time and did not live together are divorced.
Does that mean only people who live together can have a healthy and happy marraige? I would say the answer is no but your chances of succeeding are greater, in my opinion, if you get to know someone down to all their dirty little secrets before you legally bind yourself to them.
Just me 2 cents
It is better to live alone, I couldn't even stand living with the cat of my friend when she was away for a week......single and loving it
"What makes you different can make all the difference in the World"
I have no issues with my future husband having lived with another woman, in fact I hope he has, then he's at least as experienced in relationships as I am.
Also flirts wouldn't live with someone (at least not in the West) living together is considered a serious commitment, and the step before marriage. So you would only move in with someone if you were serious about them.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
it depends on your expectations ... if you are ok with someone who has lived with another woman( I would say tried her ) ... and then you meet him ... how would you react if you knew he was ditched by another woman or he ditched another woman or maybe lived together with another woman ... if thats ok with you ... then you should be free enough to keep trying your partners as long u find 'THE ONE' ...
As Mila's comments says - 'Everybody is right, Everybody is wrong, it depends on where they stand '
My experience with woman says they are very possessive about the man they love ... but this 'Living Together' changes that perception ... they are possessive as long as they are together ... this gives a good chance for flirts are least interested in marriages to try out as many girls before they die ...
Trust me ... flirts are good at it ...
and when you say about premarital sex, I dont approve of that either ...
I don’t’ think there are any disadvantages of living together since you are planning to marry this person. You anyway will live together, so why wouldn’t try it before marriage.. you actually should do it to know your future husband/wife’s habits, life style.. to see if your compatible mentally and emotionally to co-exist under the same roof
If you don’t have plans to marry there are two cases.
First, if you are in love and want to keep your feelings high and hot as long as possible, so it’s may be better to live apart.
Second, in some cases even if you don’t plan to marry, it’s just easier to live together from financial or emotional side…
By the way, it’s not healthy to live along…
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This Too Shall Pass.....
[img_assist|nid=71431|title=magic ring|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
From what I understand, in most cultures, you were considered married when you just moved in together. I know in North America all you had to do was say to your family and friends "We're married" and you were, since it was often difficult to find Priests or Reverends in some pioneer settlements. So basically you did just live together till you managed to find one.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
you just stick to your bedroom and ill stick to my bedroom but sure will live under one roof sitting together teasing each other in living room.
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Good regulation - I wonder who intrduced marriage anyway. How did they manage when there was no marriage system?
CB, when I my ex and I were looking for a Minister he actually asked us if we'd been living together and when we said yes he said "Oh good, so I don't need to go into the differences you'll experience when you move in together."
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
Charansoi...........Then ASIA needs a wake up call
A pregnancy can happen with or without living together Hi Qatar, it just requires premarital sex.
I'm sincerely worried that I will meet someone here who will want to marry me and we won't beable to live together for a bit before we do. It scares me, becuase what if he's not the same after we start living together.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
Although he is right about the status of the women being damaged goods, many have and do get themselves repaired - so women know what, when and how to get their man.
Living together would just not be allowed in these parts of the world that is the main thing.
I remember when I waqs young no one would have dare to suggest living together, the church frowned upon it and so did families and no decent girl would have even thought once about doing it.
Nowadays life and high moral expectations have changed - anyone wha can live together will do it I am quite wsure about this.
Mila - I agree but that is the reality in most parts of Asia.
May not be right always ... while living together, if the lady gets pregnant( as in another post - by a mistake in the dark ) and the lady wishes to keep the baby and the man wishes not to ... what would happen ??? eventually they would break up and/or abort the baby ... either way, its the life that took birth on this planet that takes the beating because of these idiots ... now I value life as it is ... i am married happily without any living together and so is my wife ... we may find differences after we start living together but we need to compromise a bit ... well thats part of love ...
if you are trying to see if the love is true by 'Living together', then it means, you dont trust your partner ... whats the point in living together ... flirts try this, not the ones who truly love ...
CB, in Canada you are considered common law married if you live together for more then (someone correct me) 2 or 3 years. Which means you're partner would still get everything.
"I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
lt is the only reliable way of knowing whether you will last the course. It is also a very good way of getting to know yourself, your strengths and shortcomings because there is nowhere to hide. The irritating habits that you can hide while dating will come out when you live together and you will soon find out if you are compatable.
Personally, I think living together should be a prerequisite to marruage.
The time has come to substitute caution for courage. Martin Luther King, Birmingham, Alabama 1963
charan, yes you are right in that point but think deeply, u rather get virgin and married sicko or not virgin but she is wonderful woman you ever meet??
better try before buy.
Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand
In many European countries this is the case nowadays and they are trying to leagalise this, as sometimes many partners live together over 20 years and more without marrying and when they die anything left in the will would go to his sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers etc.
I will definately reduce the amount of divorces that happen and the paper work and the distress people go through.
That's my thoughts too Mila. When I moved in with my ex I discovered he ws totally obsessive compulsive and very demanding about what I considered silly things (where the pots went, where the spices went, what to use when stirring food, etc), It was a huge point of argument in our relationship and one of the things that led to the end of it.
I am not a pretty girl, that is not what I do, I ain't no damsel in distress and I don't need to be rescued. So put me down punk, I'm not a maiden fair, maybe there's a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere." Ani Difranco
Here and most of Asia, Females virginity is highly valued. It is very difficult to get married once you lost that :0
I totally agree and support the idea of living together before married. really i dont want end up marrying a sicko or weirdo for life. take this as a process and test see if we can move on the next level. if not then is easy to break off rather than nightmare divorce. good topic Gypsy as usual..
Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand
I saved myself in the end from what could have been a very bad match.