A few questions for couples / who are or were in a relationship...

Lucky one who will be King Edshels love.

:-D

And King,wish you will find her soon.

:-D

*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your

spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.

Keep the faith!*

who will have you for a partner/husband. ;-)

for the long post, but you know when i start posting I can't stop, bad habit hehehee ..

Well I never was married before or even had a live-in partner[wish that I can :)] guess that I got those points from the environment surrounding me, from the stories that I hear from these people and from the daily life that I'm living and from thinking ahead before getting married, what are the points that would make us have problems later ... just like to think ahead always :)

but nice points...

But now I have a question for you...King...

We're you married once? had a live-in partner before? Just wondering because you seemed to be well-versed with relationships...;-)

First of all, these are great news and I'm really happy for you sister. Well I don't know about what would we argue about, but most of the problems would be just a misunderstanding. They say that problems or sometimes conflicts are a must and those are the seasoning or the flavor to life. That might be true, but less salt or more slat will make the meal impossible for everyone to eat or in the worst cases not happy with it. After the problems you should get more closer because everyone of you knows who much he/she loves the other and must've realized something after that issue. Conflicts sometimes would also let you know where are you standing and it would help you in giving new dimensions to your relation based on knowing things that you did not know before.

The kids can be a problem sometimes, when a couple got a kid the wife would go [without noticing or intends to do that because it is natural] to take care of the kid and somehow the husband would think that she is ignoring him. Well she can take care of both in the same time, but the husband should also understand that we have a kid now and should take care of him/her.

The work nature of both of them, if the wife working hours exceeds the husband’s one. That means he would be coming home first and finds no one and it might be a problem if this guy is not having his lunch with his office mates. Where is the lunch? Where is my wife? And these sort of things which are not a problem, but some will see it like that. My cousin is a nurse and he is married to a nurse too and he told me that sometimes they can’t see each other because of the working shifts in the hospital; I guess that it is kind of a problem but the fact of being in the same field helped them understand the situation and living with that while looking for alternatives.

The wife sometimes does not work and that can be a problem, the sleeping habits would differ sometimes and will create some problems. The husband wants to go to bed in a time where the wife believes that she wants to watch something on the TV or go out to have dinner sometimes.

Sharing the expense which is common these days according to life difficulties, the woman should not be part of that if the man earns good [in my opinion]. I believe if both of you love each other and she saw you in need or having difficulties, she won’t keep watching and will help you for sure. Just don’t push her or be obsessed with … what the hell is she doing with all of that money?

To avoid family problems, I guess that there should be kind of agreement between the husband and his wife. What is happening between me and you should be of our concern only, not your parents or even mine. I mean for the small problems and the daily life issues, you two are the best that can solve your issues so don’t include everyone in your personal problems. Unless the issue is serious and big, then including the family somehow and letting them know is a must.

Some men would be devoured by work and life problems and forget that he got a family and start thinking that his only mission is to provide for the family and forget about everything else. The kids want to go outside while the father is tired and wants to sleep. The wife wants to buy some stuff for the house and wants her husband to share her the experience, but he is asking her to go with her friends instead because he got some work to finish.

Women with driving license can also have some problems, the husband starts relying on his wife to drop the kids to school and picking them up again. Buying the home grocery and other things while he is out with his friends having fun. Whenever she wants to go somewhere or buy anything the answer would be: Where is your car? It is not about the transportation man, the woman sometimes wants your company and your presence there. Go to the malls and you will know what I’m talking about here.

Cleaning habits as some women can't let what she got in her hand until she is done, sometimes there are things much important than cleaning the house. There are priorities and I know that the house is the ladies kingdom and she wants her home to be always clean and shiny, there is no problem with that ... just we can delay that for a while sometimes, right?

Just keep in mind to appreciate everything that you two do to each other even the small things. Don't ignore what you can see as a simple problem, it may not be like that and say something like: She will probably get it, He is doing just fine ... guess that it is ok with him. This uncertainty while saying such words [probably-guess] means that you are not sure if it is ok or not and means ... you feel somehow that it might be a problem sooner or later. These kind of small problems are just like throwing small stones, imagine after few months or years what would those small stones do? It would become a mountain that can separate you both from each other and would be really difficult later to climb, even if you were able to make it in the end ... it will take time, effort and both of you would be really tired and in real pain.

I'm trying to talk in general here, if i will continue ... I don't know there are still a lot.

Wish you nothing, but happiness in your life Azzy ... may god bless you and grant you all your wishes and make it true, let the problems stay away from your life and let your life be full with joy and happiness.

Best Regards

Argue about silly things I guess, most of the times.

Small things that bother you- not washing dishes, leaving clothes everywhere.

But also serious things.

I am the one who would mostly suggest some kind of compromise or just give in, thinking "what's the point anyway?"...but I must say that it ain't always good idea my dear ladies.

Congrats Azi :o)

If you're looking for a problem, you're probably gonna find one.

you think!

sometimes, he nags (yup..he's the nagger..)too much one time and got me so upset...so i mashed some chili (the little red ones) and wiped the juice extract to the rim of his coffee cup and allowed it to dry.

So when he asked for his tea...his eyes widened and ran to the bathroom. My butt was sore for the spanking I got afterwards...but I got even...lmao

devilish thoughts...

Hi Azi!!!

"isn't it tempting to wait until they are asleep and push them out with your feet???"

-----> Yup...very tempting, indeed...lol

let's hush it down before somebody wish me bad lucks (kidding ;-P)

Yup...we do argue about money but not his fault though. It's more on how I much I send money back home. He still counldn't understand why I would send 80% of my earnings every month and leave little for myself.

Other than that, we argue about his drinking because I can't drink...no one's gonna drive us home...just kidding.

bed even if you are still angry..but darn, isn't it tempting to wait until they are asleep and push them out with your feet??? j/k...

Well said Lisa, that's a good tactic to try out. Not that we argue alot. Actually, very very rarely, and it's usually something very silly, which resolves in a matter of minutes. I agree with what you said 100%. My mother once told me, no matter how big the fight, always sleep in the same bed. Never sleep on the couch. You are right, try never to go to bed angry.

Azzy, communication is key. The truth is sacrosanct. Never lie, always discuss. Your husband should be your best friend in life. You should be able to share everything, the good and the bad.

I know it's not always the case with some couples, but the couples that can accomplish this, even if their relationship didn't start out that way, are the ones that will last.

Too often couples so readily consider separation or divorce. It is a last option in a truly failed marriage, and should never be taken lightly. A good marriage is hard work sometimes; and that is why people should be careful before getting married. Having the 'hots' for someone and butterflies in your stomach won't make for a good marriage. Loyalty, companionship, friendship and honesty and real love without pride is the only true basis of a good marriage.

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi

Or we argue about the future or about small things, but it doesn't last for a long time usually. And we try to compromise with each other and find a solution which is beneficial for both of us.

sometimes he gives in, sometimes me...it depends. Maybe equally. Or mayba he gives in more? I don't know! :D

interesting topic.

Been married 26 years...we very rarely argue..used to in the begining and boy those could be something..lol

As you get adjusted to each other, you'll find you tend to not mess with the small items..they aren't worth getting upset about.

Nowdays...if there is an issue, we just talk about it calmly...for the most part. I have gotten to where I won't back down if I think I am right, but I also have to state very clearly WHY I think the way I do, as does he. Sometimes its just a matter of what was said, in front of whom, and in what tone of voice, that was the misunderstanding.

Life's too short to argue...enjoy each other for the individual they are and learn to accept without losing your own personality in the long run tho...

We try not to argue in front of my lil boy... so we wait till he sleeps by the time, we forget the whole issue...so we dont get a time argue...lol

Its for silly things...am not a very orgaized person but he is... I dont keep things back in the proper place. when he search for somethign it wont be in palce and he goes mad...now am much better..we are married for 10 yrs. As Novi said now we can read each others mind well.. I try to put it back in the same place... once in a while if its not in the proper place he dont mind these days.

I am the one who always compromise..... I dont like to argue..but if he is wrong..when he calms down he will apologize..so its cool.

Congrats to all the couple who are married for long time....Dwellers 40 yrs...wow..really great

i think when you have had a frustrating day the best thing to ask for is a cuddle and not pick a fight.

cuddles are very good therapy - so are baths.

My husband and I rarely had an argument before coming to Doha…now, it’s at least once a week. It’s over the everyday living in Doha and the bureaucracy.

Drive’s us both mad…then for some reason take it out on each other because we are so frustrated.

By calming down and laughing about it, because it is so insane and it’s not worth fighting over.

Compromise

The look that could kill eh? lol.

first congrats...that's good news..welcome to the married club... hi buddy CYman...i'm 19 yrs married w/ 4 kids and i never confront my hubby in front of my kids most of the time i just clean all the mess but i stare him very bad and my kids knows that there's something wrong when i'm staring them very bad..major arguments should last only for hours we have a rule if we cannot compromise on a certain issue we will just leave it for awhile and take it up again when were both cool but its true Cyman we can always win over the issue especially bedtime LOl... but i don't nag on simple issues worst come to worst i end up crying in the bathroom...

We rarely take anything serious.

Things do get us down from time to time.

About once a year or so.

Call me Maninibat!

(but I first met him in about 1970)

so I guess we really can't be bothered with arguing much these days and usually can laugh about the little bickerings anyway.

Have known each other long enough that, in a group of people, just a look from one of us to the other is enough to either leave or burst out laughing. No words necessary. Great isn't it :D

I'm not saying there haven't been ups and downs - there have been times when we could have split up, but somehow we overcame it and it didn't entail huge scenes either, just sort of calmed down by itself.

My husband is probably a very patient man.... as was my first husband who (for Azi's information) was also a Scot ;o)

40 Years.WOW!!!!!Lucky one.:-D

*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your

spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.

Keep the faith!*

"i guess cos he is scottish - the fights may be about money ;)"

---> aye :P

congrats lovely azzy - lucky guy - I hope he worships the ground you walk on.

i guess it is about why are you fighting and what is your goal.

is it that important then

fighting doesn't help - take time out

come back and have a good chat

if it isnt then just leave it

i can be rather rash to put it politely so i need someone who will back down then i apologise rather quickly and love them all the more for it.

it is when the arguments become same old same old and you reach the rut of groundhog day - then it is time to call it a day

i guess cos he is scottish - the fights may be about money ;)

given it a lot of thought so I guess we must have been together too long. We been married 40 years in November

*What do you often fight/argue about?*

me talking

*How do you settle/resolve it?*

me talking

*Does it take just hours, overnight or days to resolve the issue?*

not long when I'm talking (cos I probably haven't noticed he nodded off)

*Who usually gives in or do a compromise?*

I'd call it a compromise but then I'm still talking and he's nodded off

*For me, i usually give in...but not all the time...*

I usually give in having talked myself to sleep whilst trying to communicate with a brick wall

BUT

I love the old so and so and I know he would give me the moon if I asked for it whilst he was actually awake

:D

How exciting for you. Couldn't happen to a nicer lady.

In the beginning, finances were the biggest problem. Then it was - hubby not picking up after himself. Why is it that men cannot open a clothes hamper and put the clothes in? That used to drive me insane - now I gave up and just put them away - not worth the hassle.

Do not tell little white lies to try and spare your partners feelings or to avoid an argument. That will usually backfire because the truth always comes out. He learned that one really early.

Sometimes it is just silly senseless things usually due to lack of communication. My hubby is not a talker, never has been, and I am the opposite. He has gotten better as the years have gone by (24th anniversary last month).

Love and respect in a marriage are so very important from both sides. Be willing to admit neither of you are perfect and accept the imperfecitons. It gets a little tough sometimes but your love will get you through it. An important thing to remember is to never go to bed angry - that really is true.

This is a tip we were given at our pre-marriage classes

Go into the kitchen.

Both of you take off your clothes.

Look at each other in the eyes.

Continue the argument.

I dare you to try.

I promise it won't last long.

Pretty soon the laughter takes over and you forget what you were arguing about.

I forget everything they said in the class but it has something to do with vulnerablity, etc. It works I promise!!

Best of luck

Lisa

Every damn single time, and after a month, she would say that i was right. :)

The relationship ended some time a go, but once in a while, it just comes back to bring a smile on my face.

The most arguments i have had with her was regarding me shaving off my bulgan beard. Girls.

But in the end, i gave in and did. hehe.

believe me that we all meet together (couples) and argue on the arguing issue, most of the women agree with the above statement

May the roof above us never fall in, and may the friends below never fall out!

keep going guys...lol

"From mine and my male friends experience the most common of arguments are based on woman's obsessions regarding cleanliness, kids stuff, "man" habits, household things etc. So there is no point for the man to continue to argue. He simply can NEVER win :)))"

----> Spot On !!!

it all depends on how much love there is in the relationship. But often arguing can deteriorate things. I mean if the arguments are a common thing then they can damage the relation. At least one of the two should be able to control his/her temper.

From mine and my male friends experience the most common of arguments are based on woman's obsessions regarding cleanliness, kids stuff, "man" habits, household things etc. So there is no point for the man to continue to argue. He simply can NEVER win :)))

May the roof above us never fall in, and may the friends below never fall out!

if the timing is right ... i will go there of course.

For me is the same.It is just a great feeling.But insha allah it will be done bevore the end of this year.

:-D We are working on it.

*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your

spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.

Keep the faith!*

But if it'll in that cold country (yaikks)...i'll trade in my gown for a thick jacket...hehehe

But enough about me...back to the topic...hehehe

Soon meaning early or mid next year...insha'allah.

But we're working on it...got a call from him just now (*blushes)

I'll just go out and get a drink and check who's available for me tonight.

pls invite QL'er on your wedding day

I'm not the confrontational type as i abhor arguments.

So do men usually gives in, Cyman?

Congratulations to you and your buddy.

Wish you all the best.

:-D

*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your

spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.

Keep the faith!*

if I'm married or not?

But to answer your question...NOT YET BUT WILL BE SOON ;-)

I saw Maximum Couple Argued about the TV's remote.

"Don't Walk in front of me-- I may not Follow

Don't Follow ME- ------ I may Not Lead

Walk Behind Me - ------ To Be a Good Friend"

At least smart argument not maids crap.

We were arguing almost all night about solar wind and magnetic field lines.

:)

Maids do those job don't nag here!

I hope you are not seeking advice or guidelines on arguing. 28 years after we still argue but it's never severe never lasts longer than 2-3 hours and it's ALWAYS me who gives in. We used to have big arguments. The worst lasted for a week. I had to sleep on the sofa all this time :)

I would like to hear from my fellow male QLrs out there. What's the percentage of you win in an argument with your partner?

May the roof above us never fall in, and may the friends below never fall out!

are you married or not?

...size 45 i guess, lol

I need to get some lessons from jauntie...my "MAN" is a true-blue Scotsman...hehehe

Argue that he never put the toothpaste lid back on.

Argue because he always sprinkler the salt like nearly a meter high from the plate and ended up with salty floor everywhere (and guess who just finish mopping the floor?)

Argue because he can't tell which laundry should go on 'white' and which laundry should go on 'colour' basket

And the worse is when i reminding him of something he said i am nagging, and if i did not say anything and he forgot to do it or missed the appointment he said he is not a mind reader.

The list go on ...

don't worry ... soon you will be the one who wearing trousers in the house lol.

is it about finances? the kids? social life? WHAT?

Just being nosey I guess....hehehe

He's older, bigger (and wider - before) than me so I'll be squished if I do argue...lol

can't remember when last time i argued with him. Hmmm ... After 8 yrs of marriage, you can just read each other mind hehe...