Please help me decide!!

that storm was just wind blowing in the wrong direction. you havent yet seen storms on QL, or maybe you have.

either ways, i am only concerned about one thing.

will your wife be able to follow her talents/passion here.i think you mentioned that she is a novelist.

if she decides to let her talent take a back seat for a while, then she can get real bored here.

kids keep you busy or work keeps you busy, or like in your wife's case, her talent should keep her busy.

qatar government medical scheme would be that you have your health cards and can take treatment at any o the government hospitals in doha.

you have not told what sort of car you would like to drive? small cars, big cars????? (pardon me, if i didnt read this part elsewhere in this thread)

even is you pay a car loan, you will still be able to enjoy life and save.

happy heart

DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home

Hey, just want to thank everyone who has posted with their opinions since the storm died down..phew, don't really know where that came from :)

Alexa and Cornellian, thanks for your insight.

Does anyone have any opinion on what we (ie me and my downtrodden wife) would be able to save? Someone mentioned earlier we'd only need 3,000 riyals per month to be able to eat out once or twice a week, go out for drinks once a week, and pay for the upkeep of a car and high speed internet. Would you all agree with that?

thanks again and take care

S

I keep my wife strapped to the bes with duct tape because she says before I leave for teh office that she wants to work...

I keep telling her no and tape her up starting at 3 in the morning but darned if she isn't teaching school by 7 AM in the morning. I just can't handle this woman. I feel like Fredo in Godfather with his wife. Can you beat this???? I don't have a brother like Al Pacino to take care of my light work.....

Well i've been reading this argument that came out of nowhere and Stevio, I'd say first that your offer seems quite good and that you should be able to save at least half of your salary given what you'd like to do.

Serendipity, I appreciate what stevio said was ambiguous but your first reply did say:

"And you say what you'd like to do is for your wife not to work.

What about what your wife would like to do? Does she have any say in the matter?"

That does seem a little less innocent and helpful than you claim in your last post. Come on people, when someone asks for advice let's just give it! Calm down everyone!!

Then as your wife is a Harvard educated novelist she will no doubt understand the subtleties of language and should be able to explain to you, in simple, clear language that you might be able understand that you actually failed to understand the difference between my taking at face value your comments, and your incorrect accusation that I 'assumed' something about you, which I did not.

Again, I simply took at face value something that *you* said. And tried to be helpful by pointing out that if you didn't have children and you didn't like your wife to work then it's likely she would be bored.

And in response for me taking the time to point that out and also to ask what your wife wants to do, which after all is relevant to the issue, you made that incorrect assumption and you've done nothing since then but patronise and attack in a passive aggressive fashion.

You come to a forum, ask for advice, and then when people actually take the time to respond to you, you reply to them in an aggressive and rude fashion. I hope I don't have the misfortune to meet you in person. You're really not my cup of tea. Old bean.

Ok nevermind I just saw ur post, she's a writer, sweet!

I totally forgot about ur original post after reading all the arguing. Anyways, just a last comment...ur offer seems pretty good. Go for it! Best of luck :-)

Wow u guys sure know how to argue over nothing. There was a misunderstanding. Just chill and move on. It's a friday...enjoy the weekend instead :-)

Hey stevieo, out of curiousity, what's ur wife's talent and passion ?

Serendipity old chap

My wife and I have been having a good laugh (well, she only laughs when I let her of course) about how someone could be getting so wound up about nothing. Internet forums are a great way for strangers to help each other out, and until you burst in on this thread, it was proving to be very useful.

I am sorry I did not mention that my wife is a Harvard educated novelist who would like me to work somewhere where she could have free time to dedicate to writing. Perhaps I did not expect some angry person to spend their time and energy insinuating that I did not allow my wife a choice in how she runs her life, rather than bothering to offer me their opinion regarding the question that I asked. What a waste of everyone's time!

I would have thought that if you do not want to answer someone's question, it is not really your place to go lecturing anybody about what you wrongly perceive regarding their private affairs. My goodness, when I look at your first venture onto my thread, I am taken aback by how anyone could be so impolite to a stranger before they have even considered that they might have misunderstood what they have read.

I still see no contradiction in the fact that I said I would like for my wife not to work, and the fact that I would like for my wife not to work. Why would I like for her not to work? Well, here is where you started jumping to conclusions and firing off your sermons. It could be for a whole number of reasons. You picked the one that best fitted in with your world view (which seems rather bitter) and then bored us all with it. Here's the thing: I would like for my wife whatever she would like for herself, because I love her. it seems so simple to me, and I'm sure anyone else in a happy, healthy relationship based on love and trust will instantly understand where I am coming from.

As I mentioned before, if you don't want to answer the question, don't. If you feel it is your mission to ensure that wives have rights, good for you. Direct that laudable aim where it is needed.

I don't see much point in wasting more time on this..I'm obviously not going to get any more opinions regarding my original question. Whatever you decide to say next, please don't take my lack of reply as rudeness...I will simply be looking elsewhere for information.

All the best old chap...if you ever meet us I am sure you will no longer feel the need to pity either of us...we'll probably get on with you just fine, and then I'll sneak up on you and give you that big ol' hug :)

Au revoir!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From you Dweller? Sure.

(((Dweller)))

Stevieo, I told you, I'm not angry. I'm just a pedant.

And Stevieo, I'm correcting you again.

Don't tell me what I was or wasn't doing. I know exactly what I was doing. I was correcting you.

You told me that I made an assumption about you. I corrected that, because that was not true.

I told you that I hadn't made an assumption about you, I had simply taken what *you* had said about you liking your wife not to work at face value, i.e. that it was your wishes.

And again, your assumption that it paints an unflattering picture of me, well, that's your assumption. Again. For someone who originally criticised what he mistakenly misunderstood to be an assumption on my part, you're doing a heck of a lot of assuming yourself.

I totally accept that it's your wife's choice, if indeed it is. But that is not the picture you originally painted. In your original post you omitted to say it was your wife's choice, what she liked. You said it was what *you* liked. And again, for the sake of clarity and the avoidance of doubt, I'll quote you directly, verbatim: "Here's what i'd like to do: Have only me working (ie not my wife)".

Seriously, I was reassessing my opinion of you when you mentioned in your subsequent post that it was actually your wife's choice and you were supporting her in that. Perhaps he is a 'new man', I thought.

But since then you've patronised and made incorrect assumptions about my motivations. And now you're saying that I launched into an aggressive diatribe. Seriously, if I was launching into an aggressive diatribe, you would really have known about it. I have, actually, tried to engage with you in a calm, factual, reasonable and logical manner. You ought to try it some time.

How is pointing out that if you don't have children and if your wife doesn't work that she's going to be very bored, and wondering what she's going to do all day while you're at work an aggressive diatribe?

Since you mention the contents of other threads, you will have noticed that there's actually not that much to do in Doha except potter around the shopping malls. There aren't lots of museums or art galleries or theatres or other activities to keep a person entertained. The selection of books and music is more limited than back home. Most people make their entertainment through socialising, but if you're at work, your wife can't socialise with you during the day. And if you're at work and lots of other women who aren't working socialise around their children's activities, then I think it was entirely reasonable of me to point out that your wife might be bored if you don't have children and she wasn't working.

That's all factual, logical, reasonable.

It wasn't an aggressive diatribe at all.

And I really don't want or need your pity or your platitudes. Honestly. And I take them to be passive aggressive comments on your part. I've already told you that I don't want your hugs. So by continuing in this vein, you're actually painting a rather unflattering picture of yourself of an aggressive boor. Likewise the reference to anger again, when I've already told you I'm not angry. I just recognise that you're trying to needle me in a passive aggressive manner and I'm not rising to the bait. I'm actually finding your attempts to patronise and needle me rather amusing.

I pity your wife.

Have you even read the previous posts, randr88, or are you practising to be a member of Shakespeare's crowd for the Doha players?

Gosh, serendipity, if you don't want people to build a rather unflattering picture of you, you really oughtn't to get so worked up about nothing. It wasn't a factual correction you offered me. I want for my wife not to work, because she doesn't want to. Is that so hard for you to understand? I stated that I didn't want for her to work, and that could be for several reasons. You chose the wrong one. I offered you a hug, and you chose to see it as patronising. That speaks volumes about the space you find yourself in. I pity you!

Finally, as the fact based pedant that you claim to be, I am sure you would have noticed that I simply made reference to the alleged state of affairs with some ex pat men, and made clear that I had only noticed people referring to it on this forum. It was the only explanation I could think of as to why a complete stranger would take it upon themselves to launch an aggressive diatribe against someone asking for help, based on a false assumption about something they said.

If it's not that, it must be an altogether darker place your knee jerk reactions and anger are coming from. Please, peace be upon you. Take a deep breath and enjoy the love in the world :)

How the thread has changed. I must admit to the same interpretation as serendipity.

Can I give you a hug serendipity? I promise my wife is free to do what she wants and wouldn't object tp me wandering round the internet.

YEAH, Why doesn't your wife have a say in the matter?????????????????????????????????

It's not anger. It's a factual correction. Old bean.

I'm not angry. I'm a pedant.

My, now who's making the sweeping assumptions? Nice to know what you think of your fellow expats.

I haven't actually been hanging round "a lot of ex pat old men who have very young wives from other countries who follow instructions and never challenge them".

And again, you assume things about me when you say "I get why you think like that". You don't get it at all, because I am not in the situation you described. Do you often like to assume things on behalf of women as if they aren't capable of thinking and expressing opinions of their own?

And as for the hugs, well is your wife okay with you wandering round the internet and offering virtual hugs to other women?

Don't worry, I recognise it's a device intended to patronise.

Assume and patronise, that's your MO. Nice work for a supposedly enlightened man.

My my, that's a lot of anger, old bean!!

You are absolutely right, I said that I would like for my wife not to work. I am her husband, and I would of course like for her to have what she wants. She would also like for me to get the things that I want. You assumed that meant that i was some kind of macho bore who bosses his wife around. Not to worry, it's easily done. Especially when you have been around what one would understand from this forum are a lot of ex pat old men who have very young wives from other countries who follow instructions and never challenge them.

I get why you think like that, and that's why I send you another hug :)

But I do have some advice for you. I am not coming from that alleged part of the ex pat scene. I come from a world where husbands and wives form an equal partnership and support each other to reach their goals. If that has ceased to be a possibility in your mind, you are in danger of becoming an old bore yourself. Please don't let that happen.

You could be angry that I assumed you were something you're not?

Maaaaan, you really need to take a look at what you originally wrote.

You wrote:

"Here's what i'd like to do:

Have only me working (ie not my wife)"

No where did you explain that it was your wife's choice. I didn't assume. I simply took at face value what you said about it being you who'd like for you only to work and not your wife.

If I misunderstood that, then it's your fault for not explaining it clearly in the first place. If you won't want people to misunderstand then maybe you should express yourself more clearly.

Hi Serendipity

Well much though I hate to bring you down off your high horse while you're clearly enjoying yourself, it is my wife who does not wish to work. I am merely hoping to be able to earn enough so that she doesn't have to. But don't be tempted to draw the conclusion that she would like to sit around doing nothing all day. Far from it, in fact. She wants to be able to follow her talent and passion without the need to spend 8 hours a day earning money to be able to live. I am happy to declare that I love her enough to fully support her wish, even if it means I'll be doing something I'm not that crazy about. The thing is, her talent is quite amazing, and I don't mind playing second fiddle to it, because I have nothing to match it.

I could be angry that you assumed I was something I am not, but the fact is that I am so happy in myself that I forgive you, and I would like to send you a big fat hug :)

By the way, many thanks to everyone else who has helped us with their very valuable opinions. Please keep them coming!

well said Serendipity...can't think of anything worse than not having some kind of purposeful work to do

If you don't have children and you don't want your wife to work, what is she going to do all day while you're at work?

And you say what you'd like to do is for your wife not to work.

What about what your wife would like to do? Does she have any say in the matter?

yv2r

though you are provided with accomodation,still other things are not in your control,recently we read in local news that present raise in rents will continue fr 2 years and economy is fluctuating in all other areas, to cope up inflation every thing will raise automatically.

After coming you may decide let wife also start working due to

1.wail out her leisure time.

2.You may plan for a kid and start saving for that

3.Monthly income is same and others increasing every second week.

4.Wants will increase and means remain same.

Now Ball is in your court,to take correct decession

I would say it is a pretty decent offer..

And from what you've stated in your post about how you would like to go about spending. I would say you should easily be able to save

Qr 15,000/mo .

Umm usually most companies won't let you negotiate based on the fact that you don't have kids and hence it won't cost the company a thing.

Which company is it though ?? Most private companies are usually open for negotiations. You might be able to get that salary up by a couple of thousand riyals.. But then again it depends on how badly they need you.

But in the big Q companies like QP, Q-Tel, Q Chem, .... it is a little difficult to negotiate coz they've fixed salaries for each grade ..

Try negotiating for a higher amount, if they say no, then well .. this is still a pretty good offer.

The salary is OK if you have housing that is paid for, give it a year or two and then you will know how it goes. It is generally a decent offer.

I appreciate that you are wishing to help but to advise stevio to "come to Doha, Doha speak itself" isn't really helpful advice.

dear alexa did we meet in costa coffee ? in The center Near Ramada hotel ?

Gokul Kunwar

Founder

Mitery club of Qatar

Email:[email protected]

Money is ok, but entertainment for a couple sucks

Dear Stevio,

first come in doha , doha speek itself.

Gokul Kunwar

Founder

Mitery club of Qatar

Email:[email protected]