Just for Giggle

******************************************************

Be Strong

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for
15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home-owner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both... Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck - he was
whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks
you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him
it was in the bathroom.
'Be strong. I love you, too!'

******************************************************

Condom

Penny and Lorraine are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Penny pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts It over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Lorraine: What in the hell is that?
Penny: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lorraine: Where did you get it?
Penny: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lorraine hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.

******************************************************